where did it all go? oh, wait.

me and my fiancé's sister at a New Year's Eve party at THE best place to listen to live music and hang out around here! and guess what? it's family-owned and i feel like i'm at home there! i sit at The Girldfriends'/Old Ladies' Table, keep paws off of Andy, and have drinks and dance!

i. am. so. tired. today has been a little rough so far: i snuck in cup of coffee today and my stomach is paying for it awfully, which is why i'm too sick to be in class right now. seriously, like the doctor said--NO MORE caffeine.

where did all of my glitter-fueled energy go to? i'm usually so much more chipper and talking about rainbows and sparkly dresses.. oh yeah. i'm menstrual. fuck fuck fuckity fuck-fuck. another pair of my panties are ruined forever. i hate you. i hate my puppy. my ass is getting big [Andy is its #1 fan, though]. i want some Marilyn Monroe curls in my hair again. i miss being blonde. i really want to eat some queso. i just really want to go back to my and Andy's home and just relax with bad television and video games.

and kareah made me feel like an ass the other day. apparently my ex wasn't being weird. either he or kareah legitimately had a dream about me and he was only commenting on how uncanny it was that we saw each other. larry wasn't being inappropriate or creepy. it was just a neat, little coincidence. sorry kareah. you should know by now how i react when i get uncomfortable. i don't do good in those situations. thank goodness that they're rare! and you'll have fun at this university when you transfer in the fall. the knowledge that you glean from academics to spirituality is priceless.

[bragstart]
i feel a little better now that i have some relaxation planned. maybe my honey will pick us up some dinner of my choice tonight. did i mention how much i LOVE our new house?! it's an actual house, not the apartments that i had been looking at. we live next to a cop, so there's no trouble to deal with. we have a huge front yard. plenty of room and mulch for my gardening. it's three bedrooms and two bathrooms. washer and dryer connections. we have cable and pretty decorations! an antique gold lamp from the thrift store. i got a couch from freecycle AND we have a new loveseat, chair and ottoman set in a navy/purple color. i even bought a matching pink pillow and patched it up for prettiness! i could go on about the gorgeous coffee table and hardwood floors, BUT i'll just post pictures of the housewarming party eventually. no ones likes to bragged to, even if the bragger is as cute as i am!
[endbrag]

since i miss all of my friends so much, i'd love to hear about your most awful moods when you're menstruating. please tell me that i'm not the craziest one. please tell me that someone has thrown a shoe at somebody or something.

fragile x, autism, high.

this is just a random emission of mine. born from a conversation i had yesterday from an old friend:

i was talking to an acquaintance from my old university on instant messenger yesterday and my mind played over all of my concerns, ideas, and opinions of this man. i've always considered him to be spacey and even dense. he was unattractively goofy in his mannerisms. he had slight speech problems and was really S-L-O-W to speak and react. his excuse was that he was just being chill. to my knowledge, he didn't do drugs--BUT his eyes always seemed glazed over and had no real focus. he would just gaze into space as if nothing was really there. he would blink like he was constantly waking up from a dream.definitely a goofy spazz of a person.

don't get me wrong, this guy wasn't retarded. he was an engineering major at school. but today i was so perplexed as to his "problem," or just him being him, and i Googled a possible explanation.

Fragile X Syndrome causes symptoms similar to autism:

• Mental retardation
• Tendency to avoid eye contact
• Hyperactive behavior
• Large forehead or ears with a prominent jaw

also, the affected men have atypical social development (i just thought the guy was weird for no reason), shyness, strange vocalization (high pitch, weird sounds, cluttering of words, and strange facial expressions. heh. my acquaintance exhibits all of these things!

but then again, he probably did use drugs (or used drugs as well as being affected by FXS, which would only amplify his condition).

so: Fragile X Syndrome, Autism, or Stoner (a big possibility considering his social crowd)? my mind is enjoying wrapping itself around this. damn, am I a carrier?! are you?

whoop, whoop! i'm so happy! i'll explain the change of privacy preference later. or not :) last night i stepped out on the town and went hardcore till 2 AM with none other than MiMaw, my grandmother! we were at my future in-laws' blues spot listening to amazing music and watching people get drunk. i met a sweet vampire lady and she toasted me! i even let her bite... my hotdog with all of the fixings. here is a totally unrelated picture of my gorgeous diamond-shaped face and another of my engagement ring and flower arrangement. thanks, Andy's Grandma!

i'm a fiancée!

oh, alright. i did it. I. Did. It. i got engaged. not a fake high school-aged "engagement" without a ring, but with immature sex and horny love--but a slightly older engagement with lots of every kind of sex and even more horny love.

i've been taking pictures of my ring since the morning after it happened and i could still tear up when some of my college pals call me from the next state over to ask about proposal details. "ahhhhh!"

i'm not going to turn into one of those crazy marriage-minded bridezilla bitches. i CANNOT become more crazy than i already am; there just simply isn't any room.

catching up on all of my commenting now. thanks for all of the "aww"s and "congrat"s! gotta hurry up and party tonight!

ciao.

ahhh!!! :D

i haven't stopeed screaming/crying since yesterday when it happened! what does this mean? will i stop being so cool? will i gain weight? will i get pregnant [HEL NO!]?

more than likely, i'll just continue to be fabulous with this ring on my finger. i'll post the whole proposal story later and upload it to our wedding website. that. guy. is. smart. and i'm damned lucky and SO HAPPY! i'm in a cloud of love so thick it's making other people sick! haha--and my mom told Andy "no givsies backsies!" after she expressed how glad she was to get rid of me :D

no baby so no fathers' day!!!

what?

yeah.

me and andy headed out to stare at a cup of my urine while we waited for the strip to turn pink. one line; not pregnant, right?


then where were my lady days for an additional week? i never thought that i would actually wish them upon myself. there was a lot of sitting on my ass and waiting and worrying and acquiring some Yaz.

what if i was pregnant? even if i doubted it with good reasoning severely.. am i ready to get fat, sacrifice my time and money or andy's time and money to raise some bad-ass little zebra-striped biracial baby?

well, i'm obviously not. and good thing, too. i have nothing to worry about! i have the Pill to take now. andy is gorgeous. my legs are all smooth. andy's parents are out of state for an entire week which gives me and him free reign over that big ole house... but i'm bleeding. i even blessed his thigh mid-nookie with the surprise of no babies. FAIL.

and i feel like shit. happy fathers' day to anyone! [not me and andy :)] ciao.

my ex? FML.

exaggerating. F his L. i was in a Benadryl coma and i didn't recognize the number calling me and i answered it. and i was stuck listening to him hoping that i was a big person. i am.

me: hello?
ex: you still with Cingular?
me: Andy?
ex: you still with Cingular?
me: who is this?
ex: your worst nightmare..
me: *cough, cough* ow, headache! who?
ex: it's Larry.
me: oh, heh. hi.
ex: i'm living with some bipolar roommates and i've never thought that it was a real condition until now. i want to apologize for giving you crap about your mental problems when we were dating.
me: i'm not bipolar.
ex: oh.
me: i have depression. you apologized to the wrong girl! sorry. anything else? where's Kareah?

anyway, he obviously still felt like talking to me and our conversation got really sad. it was haha funny, but seriously my heart was breaking for his life: he doesn't work. he has a baby on the way. he abuses pot. Kareah is in school when she's about to pop, i think. Kareah probably isn't all too innocent herself. happy or not, she's in a bad place with her "man." how irresponsible of a mother. his sister thought that he was on crack and sent him a random "I love you Larry" txt message out of concern. he's living like both a hobbit and a sardine at his new place. his family is ignoring the problem like a pink elephant in the room. he's a barber from home and visits drug abusers' institutions for $50 a visit to make around $200 for rent. he's given up his dreams of a music career. he doesn't want to keep his baby and would rather pay a daycare than babysit his own kid during his long, empty days. he doesn't have faith in love anymore, even if he's living with the woman that he impregnated.

he's so bad off right now. my heart breaks for him. what advice is there for him? what could he do? he's not any of my concern anymore, but i hope that somebody in this wide world of ours does care about him. it's just so sad to watch someone pursue what makes them happy and then crash in the end. that's what his life is--a big crash / wreck. and he's dragging Kareah and a baby into it too! this isn't nearly ideal, or even healthy.

i'm seriously so disgusted that i can't even be mad. i would usually smirk to myself and say to him:
i'f you're going to leave me, upgrade! your fault and too bad for you!
wonder if your parents are happy now!
i'm SO glad that i was condom-crazy! no crack babies for me!
haha!

but this has transcended what i feel, or even what he feels. it's an obvious problem and i'm so glad that i'm not sharing it with him. i still wonder why he really called me. that bipolar shit was crap. it's not my place anymore to be on the other end of the phone with him. wonder if his baby's momma [he hasn't married her] knows that he called me. he needs to find comfort in his new family. Kareah is his partner of choice. he's going to be a daddy. he's got to grow up. there is NO need for him to call me anymore. God bless him and his mess.

SO glad that this is over. doesn't he just look like a piece of shit waiting to happen? at least it's not happening to ME now.

Break's over :(

i feel remarkable. i'm so thankful that i have the resources and the strength to get out of bed, even when it feels like i'll never make it through the day. and then i laugh at all the other times that i've felt that way [this month even] as i work out and have some coffee. i feel remarkable.

my Spring Break was slightly uneventful, but i was immensely pleased. i got to argue with my family and eat Mom's cooking. i got to stare up into my boyfriend's face and meet more of his wonderful family. his sister read my feminist rant and hugged me for writing it. it was weird, but i enjoyed agreeing with someone. she's so great. i just can't post about her brother in lewd ways anymore. i'll just keep most of that in my head from now on. it was getting pretty bad; i felt like an 18 yr. old boy.

there was plenty of beer on Bourbon Street. there were also plenty of cabaret girls in their underwear. i ate overpriced crawfish when i could go back home and cook them myself for free. i ate beignets at the fake Café du Monde in Riverwalk Mall. i saw some folks who went to my university. i took a picture of some guy dressed as a jester and i named him Arlechino when his real name is prolly just Jake. my boyfriend fiddled and some woman cried after one of the songs. she had a boyfriend, but she apparently likes musicians a lot. i'm not jealous; i can't blame her!

i didn't see any vampires, but a musician friend of my second family lent me one of her vampire books to read. it's not Anne Rice, but it ain't awful. i'll give it back next time that they tour.

i'm back in Campus Town and i miss home only because i love home a little too much maybe. so it's not really a bad thing. i've got easy decisions to make and experiences to enjoy. i should shower and wash the dishes from breakfast. i should finish the love poem i'm writing and i should write another one to myself!


the Natchez steamer; credit to myself!

a shot of Decatur Street; credit to myself!

laissez-les bons temps mourir? nah.

actual V-Day.

i don't even effing care if you care or not, but i had the best Valentine's Day--ever!

• i dressed up like a hot pink whore and put on a glam wig because my own hair was way too tangled
• i bought my family some nice expensive gifts. they all think that they stink now, though.
  
• i bought andy some nice Very Sexy for Him from Vicky's Secret; i hope he doesn't think that i think that he's smelly. that stuff just smells wonderful!
• andy took me to see Coraline instead of Friday the 13th after he read a silly comment i made on my blog. he's great.
  
• andy made me dinner at his parents' house: there were dim lights, candles, a rose, wine, and jazz music. he even wore a little apron. he was so tired when he was done that he didn't eat much. i did! that stuff was good! [my white boyfriend cooked his black girlfriend fried chicken, lulz. it was 1) a salad with raspberry vinaigrette, candied walnuts, and grapes, 2) asparagus, 3) reverse fried rice with lemon and nutmeg, 4) and Italian breaded chicken cutlets with lemon zest in olive oil, not peanut oil. it was all very lemony tasting and yummy.]
  
• we went to his place with dessert.
  
• he played me a song on his violin. it's called something like "Her Laugh," or "Giggle." he explained the different transitions in the music and how they mirrored my essence. lovely.
  
• he gave me a cute card, a tee shirt with our hometown university on it so i can feel close to home out here, and a sweet cap that folks here have never seen before.
• the dessert happened to be a tin of homemade chocolate-covered strawberries. they were delicious! some of the chocolate froze to the paper, so he scraped it off and we fed it to each other with a spoon. this was fun.
  
• ...
  

okay, on other notes, i have weird visitors to my blog whom i probably know. someone from back home has been visiting from a casualty insurance company. someone else has been using Google Chrome to visit and my family is addicted to Firefox. also, someone has Vista, but all the folks from back home who read me that i know have XP or some other OS. i even have a few proxy visits. swweeet!.. i suppose i could just zoom in to the street addresses using my tracking server. maybe later. the Internet is great.

my exam is over. i killed it with an A i'm assuming. i have more next week :( my apartment is infested with ants now and the maintenance man had to move around all of the wine bottles to spray properly! bleh.

ciao! i feel sick from The Pill and tired from studying. nap time!

lovie-day weekend.

did YOU have an awesome weekend?

sorry for not commenting and hanging out like usual. i've been busy spending time with an amazing man and my family. i've been learning to bake, giving gifts, and talking on the phone. when i get back to Campus Town tomorrow, i'll be swamped with studying for the first part of the week [this is becoming regular and increasingly NOT FUN], so i'll ttyl!

cherry.

2008 review via a silly survey

this little survey is all over the blogging world. use it to review your year!
------------------------------------------------------------
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
get parking tickets :(

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
of course i didn't. i can't even remember them. mine for next year make more sense, such as to stay smoke-free and such.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
my best friend's sister!!! an October baby.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
my high school aged cousin did. on my birthday. yep.

5. What countries did you visit?
none yet! although parts of my hometown are starting to look a little foreign.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
peace of mind! and a wonderful, pretty man to look at and touch inappropriately. oh, wait..

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
my birthday because of a very, unfortunate and heartbreaking event.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
being completely independent of my folks!

9. What was your biggest failure?
i honestly can't consider ANYTHING a failure. how sweet is that?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
i just recently had a terrible cold. my back hurts really, REALLY bad now, but i know exactly why ;)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my apartment, duh.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
some Southern republicans. honestly. just yes. [/sarcasm]

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
aww, but i was already a bitch in question 12!

14. Where did most of your money go?
pitas with feta and hot sauce, index cards. that's it.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
some big nosed loser :)

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
anything Timbaland for a silly reason, but that entire album is burned into my brain now!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?
a helluva lot happier.

ii. thinner or fatter?
thinner, if it's even possible!!!

iii. richer or poorer?
poorer. this is a recession folks, and the tuition spike has been no joke. not to mention my eating habits.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
going out. not necessarily partying, but just experiencing life outside of the chemistry building.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
watching virals on Youtube. maybe.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
watching the kiddies go insane. taking photos. drinking. letting the "holiday spirit" take over me and my boyfriend in the dark!

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
yes, ma'am.

23. How many one-night stands?
eh, i haven't been the biggest fan of one-night-standing guys these days. i won't answer this question.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
SATC. hands down.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nope. not at all. in fact, i most definitely "hate" less people.

26. What was the best book you read this year?
i haven't had much time to read for pleasure, but Blood and Gold by Anne Rice is pretty sweet.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
HIM perhaps. or Bon Jovi.

28. What did you want and get?
pink stuff!!! how can you go wrongly?!

29. What did you want and not get?
rich.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Dark Knight is a good answer, isn't it? why so serious?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i was 20. i went home and played with my little cousin who was turning 7 on the same day. i heard about my other cousin dying. i lost my mind and i drank a helluva lot at the state fair.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
an OhMiBod musically operated vibe.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
thrifty and chic. basic and sexy like french women!

34. What kept you sane?
i did, bitches!!! by reading, pilates class, and masturbation.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
seriously?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Prop 8.

37. Who did you miss?
only people who deserve to be missed, and there aren't a lot of folks in my inner circle these days. it's great, though. i'm turning into a snooty bitch who doesn't like my time wasted by Jokes.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
this big, beautiful, tall, blonde man with pretty blue eyes and amazing kisses. him.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
it goes on.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way!"--Frank Sinatra in "My Way"

babe, you can't capture this.

nah, babe don't try. not even with a camera.

my H'ween pwned all. there was a guy dressed as what i thought was a car crash victim, but he was indeed the Stock Market. there were plenty of political figures [one Obama had devil horns] and Ledger!Jokers as predictable. campus was crazy. just imagine hundreds of freakily-dressed young adults coming out the library, grabbing food from the cafe, waving bye to their professors with Jason masks on.

i froze my booty off. my pirate costume was an experiment to discover how naked i could get without getting pneumonia in my butthole. it worked and i'm alive to blog about it. i thought it was cute and so did several other people [guys and girls]. you can only get away with this stuff one night out of the year, folks, and i'm a professional. careful, it burns to the touch.

the parties were especially enjoyable. it resembled intense raving because this is not only Halloween weekend but Homecoming weekend as well. i don't even remember what bands were playing because they all had on masks and wigs.. one guy dressed as a crackhead tried to get me to sniff his powdery-coated hand when i asked for a beer. it was suspicious, but turns out it was just Altoids. you can't blame my apprehensiveness;  i can't afford a roofie accident before my Organic test! 

i got pictures with some slick-dressed special ones. i will link the photo albumn. i can't remember who all i kissed. i took some drags off of some poor girl's cigarette. when i forgot that it belonged to her and not me and started to walk away, she ran after me in her soldier's costume and asked for it back. that's a smoker for you. they'll hunt you down to puff at the filter.

quotes of the night:

"yeah, she danced with him and i stood there awkwardly with Hilary Clinton."

"aww, we should have taken more pictures with that crackhead!"

"hey let's take a picture! can you strangle me a little bit?!"

and what was your night like? please please please link any albumns, photos that you have. have any crazy stories for me? a secret?  watch any lovely movies that i should see? kiss a cute boy or girl? i seriously want to know because H'ween is my favorite holiday and autumn is my favorite time of year. make my day.

this is my insanity from this time of year: 

Let's do the Time Warp Again!

ciao, mes chers.

---------------------------

and i'm making this a two-fold post, darlings. this is the selfish MemeMeme part. i just have to say that i am in love with myself; this is the romance of my lifetime. and i'm lucky that other people in my life can love me, as well. i don't have to pretend to be someone else for any reason and no one else can be quite exactly me [not that they should want that anyway]. i don't have any babies [headaches /possible heartaches / stretch marks] to split my time and expenses on. i don't have the insecurity that i used to have, and i don't spend all of my time talking about other people who shouldn't be important to me anymore now that i'm a big girl who should have an established life elsewhere and independent of immature bullshit. i've really grown up. there is no reason why this lady needs to obsess and to be possessed by a bunch of shtuff in her past when life is pulling her a new direction! anything less would just be sad. i just pulled an A on my Cell Bio exam. my professor shook my hand at our meeting and can write a recommendation for me. my family is strong and behind me 100 percent. they would never leave alone, abandon me just because i'm an adult, or kick me out of the house. i have other worthy people in my corner, Team Cherry, who can support me at my bad times. i have God [yeah, i said it]. i have denis leary to masturbate over tonight! i'm such a favored girly these days! 

and this isn't even an ounce sarcastic! i haven't seen this clearly in a while and i'll tell you that it has to do a lot with spirituality and God, if you care for such stuff. i feel extra lucky and fabulous. everything that i'm touching is turning into gold and the Hell that tried to hold me back is now my pink feather and lace-adorned footstool. 

-----------------------------

holiday hurricane.

my geek flag has been flying high these days. i've whored out my bank account at the comic shop just like it's been wanting. bought The Killing Joke Deluxe Edition. it'll do for now until i can get my hands on an earlier printing from my birth year [!] . those things can get up to be hundreds of dollars, i think.



that's me holding and showing Joker some love, which im sure he just adores.



you know what they say about guys and big noses. Mistah J? i want.



oh, yeah. i've put some color in my head. after all of the hints towards finally changing it up a bit, i have a lighter thing going on. i perceive it as a kind of red blond color:

and as we all now, this past weekend was a special one because it was indeed a holiday weekend AND a hurricane weekend, also. i'm assuming N.O.'s hurricane evacuation routes lead drivers straight to my hometown because the city was filled with strangers. there were strange accents, faces, and weird buying behavior. i promise: folks were buying cases of water and toilet tissue AND cases of Coors Light. hmm. i have some photos snapped of the lunacy [fun] and i'll prolly post a pic or two later. i'm not polite and i don't blur faces or hide ugly candids. not that i purposefully try to go after things like that, though.

girlflirt.

despite what my face allows me to get away with, i'm embarrassed to say that i suck at flirting. my mother is always pushing me to wink at the older guys [do something, darling! look at him, at least stop looking in your book..] and my grandmother also reminds me that i never know when i could meet my husband and that i should always smile and stop scowling at every evidence of fuckery that i witness, because it isn't going anywhere.

well this has absolutely nothing to do with any of that.

there is this absolutely GORGEOUS woman in my facebook network. i'm talking smoking. and i had the guts to message her one day to tell her that i thought so. this is what it got me:

woah! and she is supposedly "straight." this happens to me more often than is conventionally casual being how i am easily perceived as an established heterosexual lady, what with the being engaged to a man? once and everything. so i wonder about myself. i like to imagine that i have an attractive androgynous wile that draws the eyes of both men and women. guys look at my face, my legs when i expose them and like it. girls look at my striking and wise eyes when i look at them without inhibitions, my strong walk, my independence, the flair i use when simply opening a door for myself and get both embarrassed and flustered when i acknowledge and smile at their staring and even wink at them.

haha. i'm a monster. it's so delicious to flirt with a pretty woman! why can't more guys do it the correct way and stop pissing me off?

waggle your eyebrows at me after i look at you and look away. don't stare at me when my back is purposefully turned to you and will me with your mind to turn around and face you via telekinesis. don't honk your horn at me unless you're in a well-kept antique car and wearing a top hat with a cigar hanging out of your mouth. don't yell at me "Hey, girl.." don't start "whispering" about me to your boyfriends to travel with. don't don't don't. blow out your cigar smoke in my direction, smile. wink at me and don't expect me to do anything back. have a commanding presence and something to talk about other than your money and gaudy accessories. wear suits, not baggy denim shit. Oversized tees paying homage to legends are OK. hip, urban jargon sucks. call me "Miss" and "Lady."

sad and scary. wtf?

i got this in my inbox. it's hilarious and just a tad bit scary. shyeah, there are typos galore and it doesn't even matter:

"come on now I kno U get told all the time how beautiful because its only the truth how do you feel about about me so far? how would you feel the most comfortable confiding with me about eachother I could really enjoy ur friendship an companionship baby I would be that some1 u could grow to trust an maybe one day love thats whats up.. 4 the most part I could see myself holding you on the beach under the moonlight watching firworks b4 we go to the condo an get in the hot tubb or just holding hands as we walk where the water rushes on our feet an buries our toes in the sand if we see a lil sand crab an you become affraid I will carrie you Im being serious with you R U down to get 2kno me an see how I broke the mold you'll never meet any 1 like me again they could not duplicate my style if I sold them the blu print but dont think I am boastful b/cause I NOT but I am confident in myself I kno you could respect my hustle an I bet your a girl who would be down for her man???"

for the record, this is from a a cute white guy. doesn't matter, just illustrating here. how does he know that i respond well to such jargon? in other words, does he think that just because i'm black i'm willing to "respect [his] hustle?" i can only wonder.

also for the record, this is a little scary and hopefully some other girl [of any race] can "be down" for this man because it just isn't me. protect yourselves online. there are some true creepers out there. it's funny and it's sad. i'm SO lol'ing at the sand crab bit.