i'm a fiancée!

oh, alright. i did it. I. Did. It. i got engaged. not a fake high school-aged "engagement" without a ring, but with immature sex and horny love--but a slightly older engagement with lots of every kind of sex and even more horny love.

i've been taking pictures of my ring since the morning after it happened and i could still tear up when some of my college pals call me from the next state over to ask about proposal details. "ahhhhh!"

i'm not going to turn into one of those crazy marriage-minded bridezilla bitches. i CANNOT become more crazy than i already am; there just simply isn't any room.

catching up on all of my commenting now. thanks for all of the "aww"s and "congrat"s! gotta hurry up and party tonight!

ciao.

ahhh!!! :D

i haven't stopeed screaming/crying since yesterday when it happened! what does this mean? will i stop being so cool? will i gain weight? will i get pregnant [HEL NO!]?

more than likely, i'll just continue to be fabulous with this ring on my finger. i'll post the whole proposal story later and upload it to our wedding website. that. guy. is. smart. and i'm damned lucky and SO HAPPY! i'm in a cloud of love so thick it's making other people sick! haha--and my mom told Andy "no givsies backsies!" after she expressed how glad she was to get rid of me :D

suffering's meaning and direction.

i've been thinking a lot--about mortality. about my mortality, about suffering, life, and meaning.

the meaning of life is relative to each person blessed enough to breathing right now. it's a duty of mine to fill each day of my life with some sort of significance, but sometimes all of my efforts get lost in the chaos of the universe while i'm fighting it: finals, money, my depression, my libran inability to make decisions... it all conflicts with productivity. i literally won't even be able to see straight and i feel like shit; i feel like i'm worth shit.

at moments like that, my direction and motivation are gone. i feel worthless and hopeless [yeah, i'm a bit of a drama queen. i'd like to thank the Academy.] at even darker hours when my threshold for suffering is being tested, i want to give up completely.

here's a mental note to myself.

"a meaning to life is realative to different people because life itself is relative; it lends itself to circumstance, position, etc. the only thing that living people have in common with each other is that we all are alive.. no one is responsible for your life--from your birth to the day that dirt is thrown in your face, you are your own person. people with terminal illnesses have life. people living in poverty have life. severely depressed people all have life and it's theirs! and if they're insightful enough, they don't give up. they go to school, they wake up each day, they drink coffee and brush their hair in efforts of doing something with the life that they have despite its particular circumstances. stop being a damned baby and be fabulous in your position."

 okay, i've snapped out of it. and when my cramps are gone, i'll actually get off of my ass!
----------------------------------
ALSO, my blog is going private / friends-only soon because i have a few annoying and juvenile no-lives buzzing in my ear. if you're interested in continuing a blog circle with me and reading my future protected posts about a lot more candid material [i'm not a virgin--who would have guessed?!], use the form in the previous post. it's there to protect your email address; only i'll see it.

ciao, mes cheres.

i've got fans and i'm a bitch [fixed and reposted]

okay! i've fixed the email form! go ahead and resubmit. same post, just spiffied up:

1. 4 return visits. 


2. i've got the IP addy
   


3. i can even kind of tell what area of town she stays in. 


4. referring link is that of one of my blogger friends. 


5. and this is NOT the first time that she's been so smart; look at my "advice" to her.
   

i feel really lame for being the target of a mindless internet grudge and i hate having to feel upset and angry! but some folks are just ape-shit crazy and don't know how to move on.

she's pregnant by my undeserving and sloppy leftovers, emailed me admitting to a sad and self-conscious struggle with trying to be "better" than me [poor girl, it will NEVER happen that way], and borrows folks' blogger friends, just like a mature mother, to fill her void of a life? looks like someone not only doesn't have a life but is trying to be a second-rate copy and live mine. it's a sad, sad thing when folks living in their own alternate realities can't see the truth, but it's entirely flattering! thank you, ladies and gentlemen.. i am thankful for every schizo fan..

i'm honestly never a bitch unless it is absolutely necessary. i'm tired of feeling like i'm throwing a mangy, stray cat away just for the thing to return because i fed it once! so to stop the feeding...

TP & PP is going "friends only" like my old LiveJournal days. here's to more candid posts and protecting your email addresses [and my ass] if you're interested! here's to me moving on and away again. here's to the world continuing to turn.

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quotes [and happy summer]!

i'm not going to have time to really, formally blog again until after this week. so everyone have a great start of summer! i know that I'M going to :)

and i leave you with these cutsie things i picked up from photobucket:

the f-word and jokes!

i got pissed because my appointment just called me "sweetheart" at my job. silly boy. here are some rude jokes to make me laugh and feel better. not really feminist, just mean!

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: "I can do better than this" and he made woman.

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."
-Jackie Mason 

Q: Why are all dumb blond jokes one liners?
A: So men can understand them.

Q: Why do men like BMWs?
A: They can spell it.

Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 99% of their decisions.

Q: Why are men like noodles?
A: They are always in hot water . They lack taste. They need dough.  

alright. i feel better now. and i agree that these are mean! i don't really think like this [except for maybe the first one...]. honestly, if that guy knew me, "sweetheart" would be the last thing he thought about me! i'm a woman, but i'm only a "lady" when i can afford to be one. i'm strong. i'm a tart--a cherry tart.

girl love update.

this is a more personal example of girl love/jealousy/nastiness/genuine happiness being played out:

there was a not-so-nice mention of me and my struggle with depression on some girl's blog. she even commented about my thriftiness at staying at the EconoLodge, as if the hotel's name and my wallet didn't confirm it already. here is a blip of her post and my exact comments back.
-----------------------------------------

Here's me thinking, "Shouldn't you have a life by now?"

Seriously, I heard that the "artificial happy" pills work wonders. Of course, I have heard that they make you a little worse before you get any better. Started a new brand maybe? Well, trust me, just stick with it and you'll feel better in no time. You'll see the world through fresh, sane eyes. Maybe - just maybe - you'll even be able to truly move on!

Hmph. Good luck with that.

[...]

The vacation was great! Pretty relaxing to be able to escape the usual for a little while. We were even given a King bed suite upon arrival for no extra charge! French Quarter accommodations really are a far throw from a penny-pincher's Econolodge. Worth every cent I didn't have to pay! [...]

Divulged at 11:20:00 AM

2 Comments:

 ♥cherry. le. fait. said...

i'm glad that you're having fun and are so happy. Gala wrote a great article about 100 percent happiness without nastiness directed to other women. it's really good and not too long:
http://galadarling.com/article/jealousy-is-the-killer-of-girl-love

pay attention to quotes like:
"Similar to the way in which if you’re happy with yourself & your life, you don’t trawl the internet being nasty, if you’re happy & have good self-esteem, you don’t view other girls as competition any more either."
and
"One thing I’ve noticed over the last few years is that if you’re really happy with yourself & your life, or if you become that way after years of self-loathing or misery, the way that you interact with other people & the world around you completely changes."

you have better things to do than be passive aggressive toward me and poking fun at folks with severe depression. you had no reason to be jealous of me and to try to be "better" than me like your email said. that's a sad way to think. depression isn't a joke and you should know it. i struggle with it and i hate myself for letting it be a problem, and it's hardly a subject of jest. it's a full-time job managing it with the help of my doctors and whatever "fake happy" pills that they tell me to take, but i love myself and want to be more productive and able, so i do it.

you will feel so much happier when you stop it. and no one will have a reason to view you as "sad" or whatever. all of your energies should be directed towards positivity in your life and the baby's--not my mental state. that's what's most important. frankly, i can't be concerned with you when i have way too much on my plate already, and it should be the same for you.

you have a wonderful life, a baby coming, school, a man you care about, and lots of duties and promise to immerse yourself in and be happy about. now stop being counterproductive by even thinking about my or any other woman's existence and go be even happier!

May 3, 2009 5:46 PM  

---

 ♥cherry. le. fait. said...

and of course the EconoLodge is cheap! it's in the name and that's why i did it! i was broke. i still am. why is this on your mind?

just an example of how you being silly/nasty is pointless.

you don't have time or a reason to be like that! it's unattractive. be happy that you can do better and BE the better person that you want to be.

good luck. you've got a lot going on and a lot going for you. me and everyone else's lives that are not in direct conflict with yours don't deserve your thoughts, comments, etc.

-----------------------------------------
internet fights and grudges are sad for many reasons, especially when they're pointless. if someone is so happy, why mention things that are so obviously beneath them? she has my ex and his baby and a full life to life. what does her life then have to do with me? i'm the one who has some moving on to do?

maybe it takes some growing out of, but everyone learns lessons at his or her own pace. it's not my problem now.

here's to really moving on and being genuinely happy! the proof is in the way you live your life [or update your blog]!

girl love.

i'm still studying. and i'm starving, btw. someone go fetch me a Subway roasted chicken salad.

i've been a shitty presence in the blog world: been busy taking my fake girlfriend to buy wigs and spending way too much money at KFC. been camped out on my sofa reading at least three books at a time. i really just want to finish my finals and get home to my family and Andy's mother's cooking family. how is YOUR life?

hope that you're not wasting any time by being jealous. i'll explain:

aside from just filling your life with negative energy, jealousy and losing control of that emotion can lead you down a detrimental path and even cause you friend, or just some time you could be using to buy me groceries before i collapse.

Gala wrote a great article about girl love--and not the kind that Lindsey Lohan has for her DJ woman. it's short; go ahead and read it.

even if you don't want to be friends with a girl, definitely don't focus your energies on being nasty to her or even thinking nasty things about her. it's so trivial. instead, fix what it is inside of you that is weak enough and making you insecure enough to dislike her. and then avoid her. you don't have to love the bitch, but you don't want to go around getting wrinkles and being bitter with your "friends" while you all chain smoke and whisper bad things about people in the corner--not that i used to do this to everybody, that is.

when i was younger, i was bullied--ALOT. girls hated me, cut my hair, were nasty to me, tried to hit me, etc. and i didn't do anything to deserve it. i never did anything to cross them. i never looked for a fight. i pretty much stayed in my Francine Pascal's Fearless books and listened to *NSYNC [shut up]. at the time, it made me miserable and confused that these girls hated me so much, but now i've since chalked it up to jealousy.

and it's hilarious, because in my mind, i had nothing to be jealous of! the other girls were the ones with all of the friends and name-brand clothes! i was a loser with weird music and second hand clothes. i STILL have second hand clothes and i'm frankly pissed that being thrifty and vintage is in style now when i never had a choice otherwise! funny, funny, funny.

clearly it doesn't take a genius to fake confidence or happiness and it takes nothing less than a strong, fabulous woman to pursue genuine satisfaction.

right now, i'd say that i'm on a positive path, or at least i hope so: i love my family, i've developed some genuine friendships, i have a phenomenal man, i'm successful.. these are things that i didn't have to buy or force myself into for the convenience and comfort. hell, i was single for a damned year before me and Andy hooked up [it wasn't a rebound or desperation]. and if i ever find myself not liking a lady for whatever reason, i avoid her instead of wasting time and energy ranting about her--or i fix whatever is in myself that might make me jealous of her. because frankly, if i'm being the best person that i can be, then i don't have time to think about another woman, let alone dislike her for shit that she didn't even do to me!

but if some lady DOES do something to you, then disregard good reason and flat all of her tires with a knife.


i'm kidding. or, at least don't blame me if you get caught. be sneaky.

thanks!

i'm back and i DO feel so much better! thanks for all of the encouragement! i needed it badly and soon i'll get back to being so overly optimistic [is there a such thing?] that i'll have to encourage each of my readers everyday. how does that sound?

my break was fab. ate a helluva lot. i needed to desperately because all of my jeans are falling off of my booty. gotta ask Santa for some tush for Xmas. not even a dog wants just a bone!

stayed home an extra day. successfully lied to my parents about it, although they wouldn't have really cared. Andy's father saw us sneaking out of the house early this morning when he had no previous idea that i had even spent the night. oops. i'm positive that his parents are aware of the nature of our relationship, but who wants to acknowledge the evidences until a ring is involved? now Andy has to deal with the coming confrontation while i'm back in my apartment conditioning my hair! hee hee! poor Baby of mine! it's like high school again..

anyway, i'm crying at wedding photos and craving grilled chicken salad. i need to finish off my fuzzy head before a meeting tonight. i might be going Greek! how about that!

btw, isn't Tori Amos a goddess?

be brilliant and beautiful! ciao.

bummy-ex update.

more for my own records than anything. no comments. after larry called, my father, uncles, boyfriend, brothers, guy friends, etc. would have LOVED to have the number that he called from to politely [yeah right] tell my destitute and sad ex that he had better NEVER pull that again--if he has an ounce of concern for himself.

well one of the above persons tried to. the number was disconnected. what a punk move! larry called me right before he knew he couldn't be reached back because he didn't want to deal with reality and consequences. explains why he said "aww!" right before the phone hung up. i knew that he was immature/a bitch/generally an inept man when we were dating. what a lovely man to have around. just not around me.

i hope that he never contacts me again. it's been a good, long time since i've had to even remember that he really existed.

i've cut out the cancer a long time ago. with him. with "friends" who don't understand the concept of being loyal or genuine. with enemies. i pray for and smile at all of my debtors, especially the ones who can't take the hint that they're not supposed to be in my life anymore. it's been doing me good so far!

everyone have a fabulous Friday! be brave and genuine. smile a lot. love the place where you are currently and don't waver--especially if it's rewarding you!

how else but through a broken heart may Lord Christ enter in?

i feel my depression taking a downward turn. i don't have motivation to blog or comment these days--sorry. not to mention, i've got a couple of exams to study for. i can't stay in a chipper mood all of the time! i need some space and time. i need my new book and tangible comfort. i need my family, my doctor, and my boyfriend [and maybe a new PS2 game]. hopefully Easter Break will be filled with this for me. it's about time for me to slow down and experience life. it's about time that somebody serenaded me and then did other stuff to me. i feel really awful, and i hate myself for getting like this. depression is a real issue and it should be managed. silly me for not taking care of myself! have a great week and i'll return all better very soon!

my feel good revolution

this is what i'm currently and violently thankful for:

• my Wonder Woman mother
• my grandmother who reminds me of how great a tool prayer really is. i admire her for being able to just give me a scripture to read off of the top of her head.
• cheap used PS2 games and year-long warranties at GameStop
• peppermint tea
• Acetaminophen
• freshly shaved and sugar-scrubbed legs
• groceries [peppermint tea]!
• Kareah presently being with my ex "fiancé" Larry and having his baby. and while i'm at it, i'm pretty thankful for all of the rotten things his family and friend-turned-baby's mother put me through (like his big sister trying to kick my ass). this was not the life for me! the cancer has rudely been cut out, but it's out. i didn't need any of that obviously.
• having some campus cop randomly flirt with me and tell me that i look good
• good books and my friends who love them almost as much as i do
• the hope that comes with tomorrow
• THRIFT STORES!
• Pita Pit
• my fiddling manfriend whom i think hung the moon and makes magic with his eyes
• wet dreams starring comic book characters and the like that i get after i've been drinking
• Tori Amos' music touching my soul. that woman transcends so much.
• my family [living and not passed] which gets so much of my intense, hard love
• never being able to tell someone how much i truly love them because words can't encompass such. it gives me something to always aim for when i see them.
• eyeliner

Spring Break!!!

i'm ready to Spring Break myself all over. here's to a week of bliss: family, church, good food, good music, my significant other, New Orleans or the beach, fun, and other stuff that i might get myself into.

if you're from my home town, not Campus Town, you should head to Hal & Mal's to see my boyfriend and some other good musicians jam on Saturday night 3/14. it's gonna be great; i'm gonna LOOK great. you're not doing shit else anyway. support local music! you'll love it!

no comments. everyone have fun and be safe/smart! take pictures!

some feminism.

entertain me if you're brave enough.

1. why don't more men take their wives' last name when they marry? why do so many people find it necessary to take the other person's last name anyway? i'm almost certain that i'll keep mine. maybe.
2. why is a woman's issue, such as fertility control facing such a reduction of rights at the legislation of men? they don't even have ovaries, but they can tell me what to do with my body. i call bullshit. as special as our bodies are, we should have special allowances. we shouldn't be punished for being great! c'mon Constitution! women are people too! ladies, "We shall overcome!"
   
3. WalMart won't sell PlanB. thanks guys!
   
4. there is a huge birth control price hike going on. this is counterproductive.
   
5. lots [way too many] states have unconstitutional holds on abortion access. many of the state legislators are men. i wish dumb folks like the governor from my home state could temporarily be disenfranchised when it comes to things like this. his backwater, redneck, tobacco dipping ass.. men like him make me want to cry.
6. sex toys can't be sold in my home state?!! as extremely hard as it is for a lady to reach orgasm through sex, now she can't even get pleasure from herself? but strip clubs are okay. and crimes like sexual harassment, domestic violence, and rape aren't punished harshly enough if you ask me. women have become the prisoners and slaves of their own society.
   
7. men have a defunct genome, but they're superior enough to rule over themselves and women since when? seriously guys: be sensitive to a woman's issue or don't vote. go jump off of a bridge. all in favor of a female monarch after Obama finishes being sexy in office say "Aye!"
   
8. Dead Men Don't Rape. men=monsters. sounds very radical and hateful. they aren't my exact sentiment. BUT they have some disgusting basis. sad to admit it. how many men do you know carry pepper spray with them at night?
   
9. wait a minute. you want me to to get a chemical burn to make sure that my legs are hairless. you want me to wear bras, impractical little heels, and face paint [because i don't look good enough]. i have to suck in my stomach, douche my vagina full of poison because you can't handle the way a real woman smells, cover up my body because you can't keep your eyes in your head... sounds like the other sex has a bit more of a problem with ladies do than we do with ourselves. almost sounds like society hates us. it's their problem. they should date men. or fuck dolls. when did feminine become synonymous to impractical? why oh why?
10. my period doesn't make me unclean or scary. it's the most beautiful thing that my body can do. i don't need to douse myself in perfume and limit my activity because the world is afraid of the wonderful thing that my body does. i am the instrument of Creation [only when i choose to be]!
11. i'm lesbian because i'm making sense to you? where is your logic, dude?! actually i might go lesbian because idiots like you make me actually want to date another being as out-of-it's-mind as me. hell, we can share shoes.
12. stop saying "chicks, cougars, creatures, sweetheart, cunts, etc" stop naming your instruments and cars after women. stop naming hurricanes and tropical storms and such women's names. stop it right now.
    

------------------------------
Go do this now
i know i'm pretty radical. it's my job, or nearly is. i can't wait to be the greatest gynecologist, most vocal woman's rights activist, president of my state's chapter of NOW, author of several books, etc.. but you don't have to be. leave the hard stuff up to the professionals! here is what you can do:

1. go to Planned Parenthood website and see what you can do to support progress in your area. don't have a facility in your state? there's your need for progress right there!
2. go to the NARAL website and see how woman friendly your state rates up. it can't be any more disgusting than my own.. my History teacher gave me that website in high school after i emailed out a petition against the governor's action and mailed him a letter! i love ladies with sense! so cool! i still got a C in her class...
3. go to the NOW website. i love them and they're always looking for support AND they'll mail you some really sweet stickers for your car!
4. go watch the Vagina Monologues. seriously!
5. Rihanna [or however you spell this misguided girl's name] is crazy. this website is not.
6. go to Bust.com! have fun!
   
7. dress as Wonder Woman or Poison Ivy! they're hot ladies, they're strong, and they don't let a man tell them what to do! who would dare?!
   

--------------------------------------------
i am NOT a man-hating [or Republican-hating], natural-smelling, bitter, cat owning, PMSing, boot-wearing lesbian person. sorry if i seemed so. don't let me scare you off. i actually love men. i generally want to put things up their asses for my pleasure. many men are wonderful. my brothers, my uncles, my boyfriend and his dad and brothers are all beautiful men. men do so much for me, for this country. they are heroes at war. they are protectors, they are single parents. they are amazing lovers. they can be the most polite gentlemen and some of the most intelligent people i'll ever know, unless they happen to be the governor of a very damned, very Red, very backwards state. some of the raddest feminists are men and i thank them for their support. i do not believe that women are superior [even if we are pretty rad]. i support equal relations and respect among all human beings, no matter what gender or sex that they identify with. if you want to take issue with something i've posted, go ahead. it's healthy and i might have been a bit violent and obsessive. i just want everyone to recognize how amazing ladies are! i'll admit it--i'm not perfect! only very nearly so.

and then, of course, my Libra senses tell me to equally rant against the stupid, useless, disgusting women blighting the face of the earth. but that is another post that i will have just as much fun with.


YUCK, right?! thx, here.

things i fucking hate thursday!

it's Thursday and i should be busy loving things, but i have a stronger urge to wax on some things that have earned my HATE.

1. attention whores, name-brand bitches, vapid sluts--MANY girls today
   
2. misogynists who disguise themselves behind religion and the absurd belief that such notions are "cool" and are too fucking stupid/disgusting to realize it--AND the women who aren't absolutely enraged by it
   
3. women who play dumb/weak/the victim just because they are women--act like you deserve respect and you might just get some! c'mon, ladies.. we've come a long way, baby!
4. mornings and having to be up early. it's unnatural!
   
5. emulation to the point of suffering an identity complex
6. folks so painfully unaware of their personality disorder[s] that they put others in an equal pain
7. insomnia. heh. maybe i should cry in between Bob's sweating bitch tits that hang enormous the way you think of God's as big..
8. ignorant Southern Baptists giving everyone the "amen enema" while evading some truths [like the two Creation stories and the racists and the sexists] like a clam and actually causing more atheism. good job. really.
9. FX not returning with Rescue Me and Sons of Anarchy soon enough!
10. having dreams in which i know that i'm dreaming and overworking my brain wake myself up unconsciously until it transfers over into a physical sense! weird!
    

i'm done. i'm blaming it on my sinuses. the weather is changing too fast too often and i can't get well. so, what would a similar list of yours have?

do you jizz?

i'm just crazy about my lady regions. never mind that i should be studying instead of baking a cake and thinking about self-love. you should be in love with your plumbing, too. boys get to name their parts and touch them everyday when they go pee. a lot of women don't even know what everything is called down there. a shame!

The-Clitoris.com is such a great place. i just adore reading the extremely informative articles about things such as outercourse, arousal and orgasm, and sexual desire. i sent my boyfriend the one on cunnilingus and he was slightly offended, but i hope he highlighted and took notes. even if you don't have a guy or a girl to do such great things for you, go read the [lovely] articles on masturbation, body image, sexual fantasy, etc. it's all about the promotion of female pleasure and health. parfait!

then go buy some shmexy skank-whore panties. these are mine that i blew a whole $3 on today:

just wear them for the hell of it, just to know that you've got red lace running up the crack of your ass and that it looks damned hot on you. then hop in your bed with your vibrator, or just your right hand and some good music. don't stop until you've cum at least three times.

1) "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls
2) "Shake It" by Metro Station
3) "Rid of Me" by P. J. Harvey
4) "Criminal" by Fiona Apple
5) "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors

or if you have a partner [still don't stop until you have cum at least three times]:
1) Anything that comes of of Marvin Gaye's mouth
2) "Oochie Wally" by Nas
3) "Blindfold Me" by Kelis
4) "Pony" by Ginuwine
5) the sound of that lucky person's heavy breathing

there is just so much sexiness wafting around right now. so much, that i feel overwhelmed. yes, it's possible. did you know that Michel Germain created Sexual pour Homme, a cologne with pheromones and aphrodisiacs in it to enhance the male sexuality? can you imagine what that will do to you? have you drooling and dropping your pants in front of anybody wearing it, that's what. also, CAT position during nookie will get you off in two minutes. andy better revise his plans to play Monopoly! order some condoms personalized with a picture of your favorite character from a movie. have fun with your sexuality and your body, especially the lady regions. the clitoris has way many more nerve endings than the entire penis does. female power!

i'm done. i've got to get to downloading some appropriate music and making preparations to look hotter than solar lava.

lovely milestones.

i don't feel like typing in an exaggerated and ornamented diction. i'm not putting on a show here; there's no need to.

i'm in a lovey dovey mood. i love this approaching, fluffy holiday designed to empty our pockets and brains. i've done both with a zombie grin on my face. me and andy have become the couple that folks vomit at, complete with love poems to each other and "i love you!" messages on FBook everyday. yuck!

Most Importantly I Love You

Like the Sun watches over and warms the earth, I love you
Like a flower grows it's whole life toward that sunlight, i love you
Like bees swarm to that beautiful flower, I love you
Like the bear climbs only to fight his way through an army of angry, buzzing, stinging bees for but a taste of that sweet life changing honey, I love you.

yeah. this one was a public one from him; hope he doesn't mind. i respect the privacy of those sweet, little drabbles reserved to my inbox--and there are many.

today, told one of my buddies who happens to frown on a few of the losers from my past more than i do to stop updating me about their sad, hypocritical "progress" [they must be making some now]. i told her to support the fact that i have a while ago given up actually caring and will chalk up any nonsense to... well, nonsense. my friend has been known to tell me: but, cherry! they're splicing desperation into "love!" she's wanted to be you and she admitted to emulating you! look how sad and funny things have turned out! there's no need for her to alert me of any updates, stay their friend online just to nose around, etc. those folks can do whatever moves them. it's what i do! i mean, hey--it's obvious that everything has worked out to my benefit. there's no need to parade it around. a satisfied giggle under my breath every now and then will more-than suffice. haha.. and those links are to articles @ galadarling.com, btw--i luff her! i'm currently reading one on how to make my desk more inspiring.

i'm going home on Thursday to spend time with some valuable folks and give them gifts this weekend. my Innamortato has made plans for us to play Monopoly during our Valentine's night and i really hope that he is kidding. seriously though: we're going to see the new Friday the 13th movie [i'd prefer Coraline] and have some dinner plans among other stuff, and a thimble better have nothing to do with it! unless...
i washed my hair with Sensual aromatherapy shampoo, my diet and working out is making me look sexy, sexy. i spent $25 on eight chic clothing items at the thrift store. two of my guy friends washed my car for the first time that it's been with me.i'm getting good at beer pong chess. my grades are superb: my orgo chem professor called me an overachiever.

rambling, i realize that one doesn't need a person to be in love with this time of year [other than their own, fabulous self that is!] there are surely plenty of things in each person's life that they can love--things with value and not just a price, or a penis.

thx, here.

tag!

all of you bitches who tagged me better effing read this or i will come visit you and make you eat something that i cooked.
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1.Each blogger must post these rules first.
2.Each blogger starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
3.Blogger that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their 8 things.
4.At the end of your blog,you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
5.Don't forget to leave them a comment, telling them that they've been tagged and to read your blog.
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1) i start to sneeze when i get really aroused. honestly. weird, i know. if my door is locked and you hear me sneezing, just come back in 15 minutes because i'm more than likely busy.
2) my mom is sick and it breaks my heart that someone so good has to suffer. it makes me feel helpless and scared for myself. and then she calls me and jokes about me being a clueless skank and it's all better.
3) i have two cigarette burns: one on either hand.
4) i'm such a tense person that my shoulders are frozen in an "up" position. i have to pause and make myself relax them.
5) i don't think that i've ever been this happy [which is way sad in itself], but it pisses me off because i don't want it to be due to some man, no matter how wonderful he is.
6) i like cats more than most people. yes, even you.
7) i'm actually so smart that i have no common sense. i have no idea what directions are. i put my shoes on the wrong feet. i can't cook without giving someone food poisoning. i can't even remember to eat enough times a day to not feel faint and awful.
8) when i consider my past, i smile SO BIG. i get sad sometimes, but my life isn't sad, as in pathetic and hilarious! and i've just concluded: i don't have lots of friends because cheap folks don't flock to me to make their own lives feel more substantial. they can't because it doesn't work; i actually deserve respect. "friendship" is often synonymous to one person [the one who believes in the friendship] being a fool.

i'm not a dummy like that! i just don't know where i'm going when i get in my car!
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and i'm not tagging folks because some of you already have been tagged multiple times like myself. let's just simplify it: whoever hasn't had a turn, it's your turn now. tag! you're it, bitch!

musics!

look at my boy man! this is him on the fiddle, or violin, or whatever you decide to call it. you should hear him play blues bass guitar or sing!.. swoon. he's my celebrity. established and NOT high. oh and the shit actually sounds good. [that was an immature low blow, but i'm done now. sorry, i can't help it. i don't feel good; my stomach is sick.] and commenting is turned off because i'm just bragging about being the luckiest girl! i apologize. i'll find something substantial to post with when i'm not about to leave for my study group.

ciao!

edited later this day @ 7:43 PM

i'm better and back, bitches!

my fever burning behind the eyes is gone. it was replaced by a cold last night. but i took what i'm almost certain was a sinus pill, and i'm A-OK today. i'm loving my new place. i feel all snooty and grown-up. it's a gated apartment complex and i have a fancy parking decal and a mailbox! i've got an address! part of the city now, and not just the school! me and T [my only roomie and also my besite which is very convenient] have decorated really cutely and trashed the place each weekend for "hanging out" with our friends who don't have a place suitable for entertaining like ours. there's a growing little chain of liquor bottles at the top of our cabinets like a trophy case. we have a Netflix subscription and have been watching season-after-season of SATC. i baked a cake in our new full kitchen with new appliances and marble counters. it's edible; i tried it!

school is back in full swing and all of my classes are depressing. my economics professor ends each class with a note about melting glaciers in 40 years. it makes me not want to have children and commit suicide before things get worse.

my man left for the Inauguration this morning. i'm proud of him and his school's orchestra: they get to play for the Chief Executive! here's a little note he left me this morning:

I am getting more excited about our trip the closer it gets. We got an unexpected check from the Alumni Association for our concert this morning. We will get to use the money for spending cash. I will now be able to afford to go to the official inaugural ball. We sounded great at rehearsal tonight. I am super excited. I may not have access to the internet while I'm up there. I will call you. I am looking forward to valentine's day. We will have to come up with a plan for something to do. I miss you and love you. I will call you when I get into the hotel tomorrow night. and I was joking about the cake. I'm proud of you. I'm sure it was amazing or at least edible.

aww, right?

and here's more positiveness when i really appreciate it these days:

• a clean apartment
• my new vibrator
• my man telling me that he feels like i'm the woman that he's supposed to be with!
• cheap, cute clothes to make me feel pretty
• my real hair which is way down my back now thanks to the weaving
• coffee that i made myself and the feeling of that five dollars still in my pockets
• Radiohead
• vintage hairdos that do not go out of style
• Hope. Change. Woman Love & Activism (yes, i'm a BIG one of those F-words!!!)

ciao!