you could be my best friend if:

you actually have a favorite author [who writes "capital L" literature]
your cat is higher on the social ladder than you [how can it NOT be, actually?]
you could honestly live without a television and not feel as if you have lost a limb
you catch yourself frowning and/or drooling at male strangers for some vague reason that you can't quite put your finger on
your dreams indicate that something is severely wrong. period.
you have very little common sense
glaring grammar fuckeries kill you a little on the inside
you can be difficult to be around because it's your choice
you're grown-as-fuck and still manage to ruin a pair of drawers during your lady days.
you're a beautiful person but your looks have way lower priority than nurturing your mind. 

no baby so no fathers' day!!!

what?

yeah.

me and andy headed out to stare at a cup of my urine while we waited for the strip to turn pink. one line; not pregnant, right?


then where were my lady days for an additional week? i never thought that i would actually wish them upon myself. there was a lot of sitting on my ass and waiting and worrying and acquiring some Yaz.

what if i was pregnant? even if i doubted it with good reasoning severely.. am i ready to get fat, sacrifice my time and money or andy's time and money to raise some bad-ass little zebra-striped biracial baby?

well, i'm obviously not. and good thing, too. i have nothing to worry about! i have the Pill to take now. andy is gorgeous. my legs are all smooth. andy's parents are out of state for an entire week which gives me and him free reign over that big ole house... but i'm bleeding. i even blessed his thigh mid-nookie with the surprise of no babies. FAIL.

and i feel like shit. happy fathers' day to anyone! [not me and andy :)] ciao.

i've got fans and i'm a bitch [fixed and reposted]

okay! i've fixed the email form! go ahead and resubmit. same post, just spiffied up:

1. 4 return visits. 


2. i've got the IP addy
   


3. i can even kind of tell what area of town she stays in. 


4. referring link is that of one of my blogger friends. 


5. and this is NOT the first time that she's been so smart; look at my "advice" to her.
   

i feel really lame for being the target of a mindless internet grudge and i hate having to feel upset and angry! but some folks are just ape-shit crazy and don't know how to move on.

she's pregnant by my undeserving and sloppy leftovers, emailed me admitting to a sad and self-conscious struggle with trying to be "better" than me [poor girl, it will NEVER happen that way], and borrows folks' blogger friends, just like a mature mother, to fill her void of a life? looks like someone not only doesn't have a life but is trying to be a second-rate copy and live mine. it's a sad, sad thing when folks living in their own alternate realities can't see the truth, but it's entirely flattering! thank you, ladies and gentlemen.. i am thankful for every schizo fan..

i'm honestly never a bitch unless it is absolutely necessary. i'm tired of feeling like i'm throwing a mangy, stray cat away just for the thing to return because i fed it once! so to stop the feeding...

TP & PP is going "friends only" like my old LiveJournal days. here's to more candid posts and protecting your email addresses [and my ass] if you're interested! here's to me moving on and away again. here's to the world continuing to turn.

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quotes [and happy summer]!

i'm not going to have time to really, formally blog again until after this week. so everyone have a great start of summer! i know that I'M going to :)

and i leave you with these cutsie things i picked up from photobucket:

the f-word and jokes!

i got pissed because my appointment just called me "sweetheart" at my job. silly boy. here are some rude jokes to make me laugh and feel better. not really feminist, just mean!

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: "I can do better than this" and he made woman.

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."
-Jackie Mason 

Q: Why are all dumb blond jokes one liners?
A: So men can understand them.

Q: Why do men like BMWs?
A: They can spell it.

Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 99% of their decisions.

Q: Why are men like noodles?
A: They are always in hot water . They lack taste. They need dough.  

alright. i feel better now. and i agree that these are mean! i don't really think like this [except for maybe the first one...]. honestly, if that guy knew me, "sweetheart" would be the last thing he thought about me! i'm a woman, but i'm only a "lady" when i can afford to be one. i'm strong. i'm a tart--a cherry tart.

girl love update.

this is a more personal example of girl love/jealousy/nastiness/genuine happiness being played out:

there was a not-so-nice mention of me and my struggle with depression on some girl's blog. she even commented about my thriftiness at staying at the EconoLodge, as if the hotel's name and my wallet didn't confirm it already. here is a blip of her post and my exact comments back.
-----------------------------------------

Here's me thinking, "Shouldn't you have a life by now?"

Seriously, I heard that the "artificial happy" pills work wonders. Of course, I have heard that they make you a little worse before you get any better. Started a new brand maybe? Well, trust me, just stick with it and you'll feel better in no time. You'll see the world through fresh, sane eyes. Maybe - just maybe - you'll even be able to truly move on!

Hmph. Good luck with that.

[...]

The vacation was great! Pretty relaxing to be able to escape the usual for a little while. We were even given a King bed suite upon arrival for no extra charge! French Quarter accommodations really are a far throw from a penny-pincher's Econolodge. Worth every cent I didn't have to pay! [...]

Divulged at 11:20:00 AM

2 Comments:

 ♥cherry. le. fait. said...

i'm glad that you're having fun and are so happy. Gala wrote a great article about 100 percent happiness without nastiness directed to other women. it's really good and not too long:
http://galadarling.com/article/jealousy-is-the-killer-of-girl-love

pay attention to quotes like:
"Similar to the way in which if you’re happy with yourself & your life, you don’t trawl the internet being nasty, if you’re happy & have good self-esteem, you don’t view other girls as competition any more either."
and
"One thing I’ve noticed over the last few years is that if you’re really happy with yourself & your life, or if you become that way after years of self-loathing or misery, the way that you interact with other people & the world around you completely changes."

you have better things to do than be passive aggressive toward me and poking fun at folks with severe depression. you had no reason to be jealous of me and to try to be "better" than me like your email said. that's a sad way to think. depression isn't a joke and you should know it. i struggle with it and i hate myself for letting it be a problem, and it's hardly a subject of jest. it's a full-time job managing it with the help of my doctors and whatever "fake happy" pills that they tell me to take, but i love myself and want to be more productive and able, so i do it.

you will feel so much happier when you stop it. and no one will have a reason to view you as "sad" or whatever. all of your energies should be directed towards positivity in your life and the baby's--not my mental state. that's what's most important. frankly, i can't be concerned with you when i have way too much on my plate already, and it should be the same for you.

you have a wonderful life, a baby coming, school, a man you care about, and lots of duties and promise to immerse yourself in and be happy about. now stop being counterproductive by even thinking about my or any other woman's existence and go be even happier!

May 3, 2009 5:46 PM  

---

 ♥cherry. le. fait. said...

and of course the EconoLodge is cheap! it's in the name and that's why i did it! i was broke. i still am. why is this on your mind?

just an example of how you being silly/nasty is pointless.

you don't have time or a reason to be like that! it's unattractive. be happy that you can do better and BE the better person that you want to be.

good luck. you've got a lot going on and a lot going for you. me and everyone else's lives that are not in direct conflict with yours don't deserve your thoughts, comments, etc.

-----------------------------------------
internet fights and grudges are sad for many reasons, especially when they're pointless. if someone is so happy, why mention things that are so obviously beneath them? she has my ex and his baby and a full life to life. what does her life then have to do with me? i'm the one who has some moving on to do?

maybe it takes some growing out of, but everyone learns lessons at his or her own pace. it's not my problem now.

here's to really moving on and being genuinely happy! the proof is in the way you live your life [or update your blog]!

girl love.

i'm still studying. and i'm starving, btw. someone go fetch me a Subway roasted chicken salad.

i've been a shitty presence in the blog world: been busy taking my fake girlfriend to buy wigs and spending way too much money at KFC. been camped out on my sofa reading at least three books at a time. i really just want to finish my finals and get home to my family and Andy's mother's cooking family. how is YOUR life?

hope that you're not wasting any time by being jealous. i'll explain:

aside from just filling your life with negative energy, jealousy and losing control of that emotion can lead you down a detrimental path and even cause you friend, or just some time you could be using to buy me groceries before i collapse.

Gala wrote a great article about girl love--and not the kind that Lindsey Lohan has for her DJ woman. it's short; go ahead and read it.

even if you don't want to be friends with a girl, definitely don't focus your energies on being nasty to her or even thinking nasty things about her. it's so trivial. instead, fix what it is inside of you that is weak enough and making you insecure enough to dislike her. and then avoid her. you don't have to love the bitch, but you don't want to go around getting wrinkles and being bitter with your "friends" while you all chain smoke and whisper bad things about people in the corner--not that i used to do this to everybody, that is.

when i was younger, i was bullied--ALOT. girls hated me, cut my hair, were nasty to me, tried to hit me, etc. and i didn't do anything to deserve it. i never did anything to cross them. i never looked for a fight. i pretty much stayed in my Francine Pascal's Fearless books and listened to *NSYNC [shut up]. at the time, it made me miserable and confused that these girls hated me so much, but now i've since chalked it up to jealousy.

and it's hilarious, because in my mind, i had nothing to be jealous of! the other girls were the ones with all of the friends and name-brand clothes! i was a loser with weird music and second hand clothes. i STILL have second hand clothes and i'm frankly pissed that being thrifty and vintage is in style now when i never had a choice otherwise! funny, funny, funny.

clearly it doesn't take a genius to fake confidence or happiness and it takes nothing less than a strong, fabulous woman to pursue genuine satisfaction.

right now, i'd say that i'm on a positive path, or at least i hope so: i love my family, i've developed some genuine friendships, i have a phenomenal man, i'm successful.. these are things that i didn't have to buy or force myself into for the convenience and comfort. hell, i was single for a damned year before me and Andy hooked up [it wasn't a rebound or desperation]. and if i ever find myself not liking a lady for whatever reason, i avoid her instead of wasting time and energy ranting about her--or i fix whatever is in myself that might make me jealous of her. because frankly, if i'm being the best person that i can be, then i don't have time to think about another woman, let alone dislike her for shit that she didn't even do to me!

but if some lady DOES do something to you, then disregard good reason and flat all of her tires with a knife.


i'm kidding. or, at least don't blame me if you get caught. be sneaky.

the end and i feel fine [because it's BS]

i'm not allowing you to comment because i'm not around to comment lately. studying is taking over my life, although i made some time to get my hair untangled and clean. i'm at our Science majors' library waiting on my sexy Libran girlfriend to get here. isn't she adorable? i blame it all on her new lip piercing--and she pretty much bums me all of the Camels i want [most of the time]. gotta love Finals.
okay, i'm not dating her. Andy is still my only one. she's just one of the few women who aren't sickening to be around. gotta be because we're both of Venus. her middle name is my first name. she likes the same sorority i do. our birthdays are days apart. we love the same cigs [when we haven't quit]. she gets on my damned nerves.

and if anyone is scared about 2012, get over it: you will see the day ofter Doomsday. The Rapture won't happen because too many people are expecting it. the planet will stay in orbit. it has done so on every 12/21 since the beginning of Time. it has been made certain to me that this day will be nothing to worry about, but it will be weird!

i was pretty antsy about this at one time--i was one of those people in my teens scared off of my ass on the 2000 new year. i was expecting Jesus to break through the ceiling and take me away from the MTV countdown. it hasn't happened yet. it hasn't happened during any of the hundreds of other Doomsday prophecies. it won't happen 12/21/2012 [unless Palin is elected say some funny people].

lighten up. wish me luck on my exams. listen to old Sugar Ray singles. paint your toenails. paint my toenails. pay for prescription of BC. get ready for summer!

thanks!

i'm back and i DO feel so much better! thanks for all of the encouragement! i needed it badly and soon i'll get back to being so overly optimistic [is there a such thing?] that i'll have to encourage each of my readers everyday. how does that sound?

my break was fab. ate a helluva lot. i needed to desperately because all of my jeans are falling off of my booty. gotta ask Santa for some tush for Xmas. not even a dog wants just a bone!

stayed home an extra day. successfully lied to my parents about it, although they wouldn't have really cared. Andy's father saw us sneaking out of the house early this morning when he had no previous idea that i had even spent the night. oops. i'm positive that his parents are aware of the nature of our relationship, but who wants to acknowledge the evidences until a ring is involved? now Andy has to deal with the coming confrontation while i'm back in my apartment conditioning my hair! hee hee! poor Baby of mine! it's like high school again..

anyway, i'm crying at wedding photos and craving grilled chicken salad. i need to finish off my fuzzy head before a meeting tonight. i might be going Greek! how about that!

btw, isn't Tori Amos a goddess?

be brilliant and beautiful! ciao.

bummy-ex update.

more for my own records than anything. no comments. after larry called, my father, uncles, boyfriend, brothers, guy friends, etc. would have LOVED to have the number that he called from to politely [yeah right] tell my destitute and sad ex that he had better NEVER pull that again--if he has an ounce of concern for himself.

well one of the above persons tried to. the number was disconnected. what a punk move! larry called me right before he knew he couldn't be reached back because he didn't want to deal with reality and consequences. explains why he said "aww!" right before the phone hung up. i knew that he was immature/a bitch/generally an inept man when we were dating. what a lovely man to have around. just not around me.

i hope that he never contacts me again. it's been a good, long time since i've had to even remember that he really existed.

i've cut out the cancer a long time ago. with him. with "friends" who don't understand the concept of being loyal or genuine. with enemies. i pray for and smile at all of my debtors, especially the ones who can't take the hint that they're not supposed to be in my life anymore. it's been doing me good so far!

everyone have a fabulous Friday! be brave and genuine. smile a lot. love the place where you are currently and don't waver--especially if it's rewarding you!

my ex? FML.

exaggerating. F his L. i was in a Benadryl coma and i didn't recognize the number calling me and i answered it. and i was stuck listening to him hoping that i was a big person. i am.

me: hello?
ex: you still with Cingular?
me: Andy?
ex: you still with Cingular?
me: who is this?
ex: your worst nightmare..
me: *cough, cough* ow, headache! who?
ex: it's Larry.
me: oh, heh. hi.
ex: i'm living with some bipolar roommates and i've never thought that it was a real condition until now. i want to apologize for giving you crap about your mental problems when we were dating.
me: i'm not bipolar.
ex: oh.
me: i have depression. you apologized to the wrong girl! sorry. anything else? where's Kareah?

anyway, he obviously still felt like talking to me and our conversation got really sad. it was haha funny, but seriously my heart was breaking for his life: he doesn't work. he has a baby on the way. he abuses pot. Kareah is in school when she's about to pop, i think. Kareah probably isn't all too innocent herself. happy or not, she's in a bad place with her "man." how irresponsible of a mother. his sister thought that he was on crack and sent him a random "I love you Larry" txt message out of concern. he's living like both a hobbit and a sardine at his new place. his family is ignoring the problem like a pink elephant in the room. he's a barber from home and visits drug abusers' institutions for $50 a visit to make around $200 for rent. he's given up his dreams of a music career. he doesn't want to keep his baby and would rather pay a daycare than babysit his own kid during his long, empty days. he doesn't have faith in love anymore, even if he's living with the woman that he impregnated.

he's so bad off right now. my heart breaks for him. what advice is there for him? what could he do? he's not any of my concern anymore, but i hope that somebody in this wide world of ours does care about him. it's just so sad to watch someone pursue what makes them happy and then crash in the end. that's what his life is--a big crash / wreck. and he's dragging Kareah and a baby into it too! this isn't nearly ideal, or even healthy.

i'm seriously so disgusted that i can't even be mad. i would usually smirk to myself and say to him:
i'f you're going to leave me, upgrade! your fault and too bad for you!
wonder if your parents are happy now!
i'm SO glad that i was condom-crazy! no crack babies for me!
haha!

but this has transcended what i feel, or even what he feels. it's an obvious problem and i'm so glad that i'm not sharing it with him. i still wonder why he really called me. that bipolar shit was crap. it's not my place anymore to be on the other end of the phone with him. wonder if his baby's momma [he hasn't married her] knows that he called me. he needs to find comfort in his new family. Kareah is his partner of choice. he's going to be a daddy. he's got to grow up. there is NO need for him to call me anymore. God bless him and his mess.

SO glad that this is over. doesn't he just look like a piece of shit waiting to happen? at least it's not happening to ME now.

marital rape is legal

assuming the worst, that is. i almost threw up when i read this article from the Bust magazine website. apparently, a married woman can't refuse sex from her husband if this bill is passed. how disgusting. if that country doesn't want the world to think that it's full of monkeys, then a bad job is being done of it. i could spit in the supporters' eyes. don't fuck with me and women's rights.

on a lighter note:

TGIF!!! i need a break! i've been pissing blood thanks to a sanitation issue, but i'm better. i drove an hour away to be with my manfriend for the weekend while he was performing. credit card statements will go back to my house stating "EconoLodge." how classy. i literally walked up onto a celebrity downtown there: i noticed some old guys flirting with me, so i asked them for a light for my Andy's cigar since they were talking to me. turns out, one of them is C. L. Blast [and here]. he introduced himself and showed me a picture of himself with Isaac Hayes from way back when they used to perform together. then i asked him to sign my program. it was great. he had forgotten what year it was and it was so cute.

after we left the hotel together, one of Andy's teachers said to him "I know that you're gonna play good today!" the jazz performances were great. yes, Andy does it all. him and his university sounded divine and jazz isn't even my cup of tea.

i need another break soon. i miss singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" with Andy in the van. i miss kicking someone in my sleep. i don't miss nearly killing everyone on I-20 on my drive there and back for that weekend.

tried to pull the pregnancy joke on my mom for April 1st. she cursed me the fuck out and and told me to buy a test to make sure. then she said that she was coming after me with a clothes hanger. shit. she got the joke and started laughing and apologized for calling me a skank-ass whore. she was SO angry! it was funny how Andy went from being her "favorite son-in-law" to "that sorry motherfucker" in two seconds. Daddy laughed and said that he would choke the shit out of him until he turned purple--and marriage? no one is taking his daughter unless they're employed, have a house, two cars, and are damned near running for Congress first!

oh boy.


me and C.L. Blast and his signature both taken with my Pantech C150.

!!!

i'm excited and scared. after a skipped period and a month of feeling funny, i'll reveal that me and Andy are pregnant.

we're going to have a polka-dotted or a zebra-striped biracial baby. it's going to be gorgeous apparently if folks already literally stop and tell us that the "caramel-colored" babies [that i have no choice but to have] will be cute, cute, cute. our kids will learn to play fiddle/violin instead of watch TV. they'll read comics and classic stuff. we're having a courthouse wedding soon. we just need $30 for the license and matching syphilis tests. rings are inexpensive, but not important. we might go the sterling silver route. i won't be wearing the dress that i already have; i've got a suit. or maybe i'll just wear my high school cheerleading uniform. we'll eat at Taco Bell afterward and celebrate with sherbet punch and bootleg movies. i'll get a name change kit to officially be Cherry Dillon. my life will be complete.

my life will be over.







Happy April Fools' Day!
this has been a bad joke. i hope that i don't have to explain to anyone that my uterus is actually empty. no baby for me. i'm too selfish/broke/busy. hope that i've reminded you to use contraception! use a condom, shake hands, and be on your way!

i'm a gluttonous asshole.

i've come to the conclusion about how big of a fatass i am: i had a dream last night about my boyfriend--and a cheese fondue. no messy combination of the two either. i was having a fondue party and i didn't even touch my boyfriend at all. he was just in the area, twiddling his thumbs while i ate bread with cheese dripping off of it. i feel like such a gluttonous asshole!

[brag]
have you ever had your new love interest act protective of you in public? was it silly cute and lovely feeling? i have, and YES! i went out to Mugshots to hear him play one night and some drunk, overly friendly marine sat by me and kept hinting for me to come back on Wednesday when he would be there again. i was sweet to him [mistake] and he bought my next two rounds of drinks all while my manfriend was on stage. well, immediately after that set, my man comes out of nowhere, swoops me up in his arms, and says "Hey, Baby!" it was uncomfortable for me, but hilarious! the drunk marine should have taken the hint, but he never backed off. my guy introduced himself and had to eventually go back onstage. time for the marine to try some more tricks, right?

the marine told me that didn't trust musicians and he kept talking me down. he even wrote his cell number on his business card for me and i just kind of pushed it to the side in a half-assed acceptance. after the next set, my apparently untrustworthy significant other comes back to save me. he was a lot more aggressive this time. he got all loud and "joked" about fighting the marine. he told him to stop trying to recruit me or else some furniture would have to move. haha!!! but seriously though. it looked and sounded realistic; i had to grab his arms to get him to hush up a little. it didn't really work. got solicited to sit near some Australian men. got to dance with a groom-to-be at his wedding party. my boyfriend congratulated the guy and made an announcement to the bar about him sharing a dance with his "beautiful girlfriend." anyway. rode home more amused than drunk. there was a loud "Bye, Baby!" from the stage as i was leaving in a final act to stake claim on me.
[/end brag]

it snowed here recently. my car was all covered in the stuff. now it's hot as hell. i'm more broke than i have ever been in my life now. my car needs a tire. i drunk dialed the wrong "Kirsten" in my phone. i've been corrupting a girl whom i work with all weekend. there is a random 11 1/2 th Street here that i've just seen today. i have some free time now, so i'll prolly indulge in some TV, which i never get to do. what's good to watch besides old Sons of Anarchy and Rescue Me?


this is my frozen car outside of a friend's dorm. it's the one next to the handicap space.

[i had a photo of a nearly nude Charlie Hunnam here, but my photobucket denies it.]
this is completely tangent to anything i just posted. sorry. or am i?

things i fucking hate thursday!

it's Thursday and i should be busy loving things, but i have a stronger urge to wax on some things that have earned my HATE.

1. attention whores, name-brand bitches, vapid sluts--MANY girls today
   
2. misogynists who disguise themselves behind religion and the absurd belief that such notions are "cool" and are too fucking stupid/disgusting to realize it--AND the women who aren't absolutely enraged by it
   
3. women who play dumb/weak/the victim just because they are women--act like you deserve respect and you might just get some! c'mon, ladies.. we've come a long way, baby!
4. mornings and having to be up early. it's unnatural!
   
5. emulation to the point of suffering an identity complex
6. folks so painfully unaware of their personality disorder[s] that they put others in an equal pain
7. insomnia. heh. maybe i should cry in between Bob's sweating bitch tits that hang enormous the way you think of God's as big..
8. ignorant Southern Baptists giving everyone the "amen enema" while evading some truths [like the two Creation stories and the racists and the sexists] like a clam and actually causing more atheism. good job. really.
9. FX not returning with Rescue Me and Sons of Anarchy soon enough!
10. having dreams in which i know that i'm dreaming and overworking my brain wake myself up unconsciously until it transfers over into a physical sense! weird!
    

i'm done. i'm blaming it on my sinuses. the weather is changing too fast too often and i can't get well. so, what would a similar list of yours have?

tag!

all of you bitches who tagged me better effing read this or i will come visit you and make you eat something that i cooked.
-----------------------------------------
1.Each blogger must post these rules first.
2.Each blogger starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
3.Blogger that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their 8 things.
4.At the end of your blog,you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
5.Don't forget to leave them a comment, telling them that they've been tagged and to read your blog.
------------------------------------------
1) i start to sneeze when i get really aroused. honestly. weird, i know. if my door is locked and you hear me sneezing, just come back in 15 minutes because i'm more than likely busy.
2) my mom is sick and it breaks my heart that someone so good has to suffer. it makes me feel helpless and scared for myself. and then she calls me and jokes about me being a clueless skank and it's all better.
3) i have two cigarette burns: one on either hand.
4) i'm such a tense person that my shoulders are frozen in an "up" position. i have to pause and make myself relax them.
5) i don't think that i've ever been this happy [which is way sad in itself], but it pisses me off because i don't want it to be due to some man, no matter how wonderful he is.
6) i like cats more than most people. yes, even you.
7) i'm actually so smart that i have no common sense. i have no idea what directions are. i put my shoes on the wrong feet. i can't cook without giving someone food poisoning. i can't even remember to eat enough times a day to not feel faint and awful.
8) when i consider my past, i smile SO BIG. i get sad sometimes, but my life isn't sad, as in pathetic and hilarious! and i've just concluded: i don't have lots of friends because cheap folks don't flock to me to make their own lives feel more substantial. they can't because it doesn't work; i actually deserve respect. "friendship" is often synonymous to one person [the one who believes in the friendship] being a fool.

i'm not a dummy like that! i just don't know where i'm going when i get in my car!
------------------
and i'm not tagging folks because some of you already have been tagged multiple times like myself. let's just simplify it: whoever hasn't had a turn, it's your turn now. tag! you're it, bitch!

be the change, now change your sheets!

how exciting was yesterday?! even if we all can't agree on politics [which i love], you have to agree that the President's speech just gave you little butterflies of [i can't find a better word] Hope all in your belly, if you cared to listen to it. it was relieving and gave me good feelings all day. not to mention, i imagined how hungover my boyfriend was in D.C. that day, which made me laugh. what did yesterday do to you? i've already read some posts, but surely there's more. did you cry? did you care? did you drink too much and walk around in D.C. hungover before your performance like someone's man?

i have a cold. don't ask me how i went from recovering from my fever to catching a cold. my roomie just had a fever, so now i'm dousing the apartment in Lysol. i fell asleep one night with my vibrator running and woke up--and it still was on! i could have burned my clitoris off! what would my doctor have said?

and this is funny. absolutely funny:
---------------------
Heavily Tripping

Andy tripped along rapturously. He was on his way to meet his lover, Cherry, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a clown hopping along, carrying a box of wine in its mouth.

Andy was almost by the balls when he came across a horny cake, lying alone on a soap-scented plate. "That must be a treat from my peppery bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked chunky, so he ate it.

It gave him the most with abandon tingling sensation in his ass. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Cherry.
When Cherry came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Andy cried covertly.
"Your collar bone! And your inside of the elbow!" Cherry said. "They're intense! Can't you feel it?"
Andy felt his collar bone and his inside of the elbow. They were indeed quite intense. "Oh, no!" Andy said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that horny cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Cherry said. "I got you a coffee mug. It must have been that vagina-oriented man who lives nearby. He acts a little morbidly, ever since he pat a hair pin."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Andy sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Cherry said speedily, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your collar bone is really luminous like that."
"Really?" Andy dried her tears. Andy kissed Cherry and it was an entirely green sensation, like rats in a cornfield.

They spent the night having entirely green sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
---------------------
and before you ask: NO, i'm not any crazier than usual. i went here to create this drabble! it's fun!

and pictures! The Slut Hut! or my apartment. still decorating and organizing.

do old bluesy men use roofies?

i've missed home so much. and now there's a super sexy someone here who makes it that much better. last night was hilarious:

he took me to some local venue for "Blue Monday" where all of these old folks in cowboy hats, fur, and jeri curls were out to listen to some good music. the stuff actually sounded good and i was enjoying myself in my little red dress.

my boy man was having a good time too, but some of the folks there who knew him basically pulled him up on stage to play Bass, which was cool--FOR HIM. i was in the back of the house with some guy who was easily twice my age. after a moment he asked me, "Is that man your husband?" i told him no. wrong answer, because the man told me that he's an artist and he wants to do my picture... weird. i know that i looked young--how sure was he that i was actually legal?! some men are very questionable.

so my mister comes back thankfully, and then guess what? everyone wants him to sing! i didn't mind it because i like his voice a lot, too. so he does and it was me back alone with the creeper. mr. creepy had gone and come back with two hot dogs. he said that he couldn't eat both of them in time for his performance and offers me one. i tell him no and i guess that he gets offended because he says "Your man ain't going to mind! There's nothing wrong with it!" well, i didn't accuse him of such. that's not creepy, AT ALL! a hot dog roofie incident is not the way i'm trying to go out.

and some random guy walked by greeting folks and stops at me and tells me that i'm absolutely beautiful, which was unexpected but tastefully done. relief, right? and then some man was watching me twist my hair up and told me to leave it down because it looked fine the way it was. i shouldn't have said thanks, because then he asked me how long i had been talking to my guy.. whatthecrap? i'm not even safe when i'm trying to get my hair from itching my neck? i'm never sitting back there again.

so my beau finally gets done singing and i kiss him and asked him did he see all of the unwanted attention i was receiving from onstage. he said yeah; guess it was amusing! i'm going to have to wear a bag over my head or something next time. wear my brothers' clothes, maybe?

yeah, i just thought that this was funny enough to share. can't wait until some ladies are a little too friendly with my mister [not that i could ever blame them; who can resist pretty blue eyes and blond hair?].

later!

what my vagina has to do with Xmas.

i. hate. finals. week.

happy stuff please:

well, for those who have not seen the Twitter update, i now have the boy [and a parking ticket]. we said it on Facebook, so it's SO serious, ha. he's really old-school charming and blah blah blah. we're supposedly going camping for vacation among other things and he reassured me of my safety from bears, hobo homicidal maniacs, AND Godzilla. i'm not used to all of his appropriateness [i'm waiting to figure out what's wrong with him]. but apparently, not treating a lady like a lady is just not his style, and i honestly can't ask for anything more right now. i canNOT wait until he can bend me over the table to teach me how to play pool. seriously. i suck at pool and there's no other way to lean. well, lucky me!

i got the apartment off campus that i wanted. my only roommate is my best girlfriend [score! i wouldn't have any other way]. it's a big, luxury 2 bed and 2 bath with washing/drying units inside. so i finally have the new, big girl place that i've been wanting. now who's going to move all of me and T's furniture all the way there? i'm going to take pics of our moving day. is there a such thing as too much pink stuff and red velvet when it comes to decorating? and everyone is invited to the house warming celebration: bring wine because we can never have enough!

here is my Xmas list:

• Ville Valo on toast
• my boyfriend [woah it's been a while since i could type that] on toast
• more than 24 hours in my days so more things can get done
• some specific civil rights  and due social respect for women
• a filled prescription for my antidepressants and birth control, woo!
• the new Prince of Persia game for PS3 and Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe
• an OhMiBod musical vibrator sex toy; feel the music seriously!
• new mineral makeup and some thrift store clothes
• Denis Leary
• to be around my family and enjoy loving those crazy fuckers

a lot of my list is vagina-related this year. hmm..

i want to slit my wrists!

nah, i'm being dramatic. i'm actually okay-- just a little tired and starving. i'm back after a week full of lose: i've been literally studying biology more often than sleeping, which takes a lot of effort for someone wh:o is as fatigue-prone as i am. "of course i'm good in bed; i can sleep for days!" haha.. but seriously, my chemistry professor is Satan. he went into a crazy tirade around the lecture hall pointing to random objects and associating them with obscure material: "This is made of blah blah blah! And this is made of something else that you can't even pronounce! Exam on Tuesday!"

i'm getting sick, but i wear so much makeup that it's undetectable until i sneeze three times in a row. i'm on a diet and my tummy looks nice. i've got some resistance bands hanging over the door just waiting to be used in my pilates routine. there's actually motivation to use them now that i've been over to visit Blair's blog. 

nothing terribly exciting is going on. i'm pumped about getting a place soon with one of my besties, T. it will be the two of us and then another girl. heh--hope it doesn't turn into an Audrina v. LC and Lo situation. yeah, i watched The Hills. so?..  :)

*sneeze*

oh, red lipstick mimics confidence apparently. i've been wearing it and a [beautiful Clark Kent-looking] guy that i haven't talked to in a while was mesmerized by my mouth. he's very conservative and doesn't do much flirting,  so i personally pulled a few tricks just for practice. later online, he told me that he really liked my perfume. how's that for not flirting? exciting! 

Twilight is tomorrow! i want to see it!