laughtears's LJ stalker is wiltekirra!

wiltekirra is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also getting with your significant other!

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God, help me. hope that she's entertained; i never would have guessed. this thing is nifty.

like a pair missing one.

today--no--this week has sucked.
maybe i do have a problem with over dramaticizing the negative when things do not go my way, but it has! i won't type today's events for the amusement of my readers; but, i will let it be known that the day ended with me spilling a good bit of sport drink down myself while in the car.

i want to cry, honestly. i miss my other half.

out of the -100 people that i enjoy in this life, antonio has to be away from me now! i need him. it tears me up to see couples together, now. i'm not jealous because antonio is all that i could want. i'm just disappointed that he is not here with me now. after the last two years of loving someone who couldn't return my feelings, and having that asshole here for me to reach, if i cared to [which i don't!], the love of my life who adores me just as fervently as i do him is in another state. HOW ironic.

c'est la vie, right?

he's gone.

about as gone as he's ever going to be. my chingy-eyed boyfriend is in atlanta! i always knew that today would come, but it seemed so far off. now it is here, and i don't like it!

he's a grown man and all and has to think about his career, i know. it's for the best of both of us if he just completes the training now. he even said it himself: the only reason that he is doing this is so that he can support us better later.

he doesn't miss his family that he has left behind; i'm the only thing that he cares anything for. he feels horrible for leaving me now and even cried last night. i was a supportive girlfriend and gave him tons of good advice and had a smile on my face while i really wanted to just cry myself. he was smarter than i figured and after sex and right in the middle of one of my smiles, he said 'you're crying.' i was.

i can't stand being apart from him.

contemplating rape.

i'm going to rape him--hard.

catharsis.

i've been punched in the mouth by my little brother. i taste and smell copper. i feel great. i feel like john/jack from Fight Club, even if i lost.

hm. my boyfriend is leaving monday. it sucks. six months is a long time.
I LOVE YOU, ANTONIO!
<3 <3 <3 <3

sweating like a whore in church.

X-rated, just the way ya'll like it!
====================
underage sex shouldn't be a sin.
swearing to my mother on my life that i wouldn't engage in sexual activity with antonio and then doing it the day after, however, is a sin.

i won't make this long and erotic like that borderline porn scene i posted last, sorry.

we were making out on his bed. his sister walked by and said, "Lock the door..." as she was passing to her room; we did, which was excuse enough for us to do what happened next. he asked me if it would be okay for him to remove my pants and i said yes. my shirt had been gone for ages by this time and he was near nude himself.

after several minutes of dry humping, antonio kept shaking his head and telling himself to calm down. he was fighting with his hands on the band of my panties, debating whether to remove my last article of clothing, or not. this was amusing.

instead of removing them, he stuck his fingers in my vagina; i believe it was three. he stuck them in as hard and deep as he could, which was a little uncomfortable, but became intensely wonderful. being the horny bitch that i am, i grabbed his arm and forced his hand deeper inside of me. antonio couldn't take it anymore at this time [i guess my moans had further aroused him], and i could feel him humping my knee. he whispered in my ear, "I want to be inside of you..."

i protested for a while; i wasn't comfortable with him seeing me completely nude. i said i wasn't ready, but just to be safe, he insisted on putting on a condom out of the pack that J.A. bought for me the day before, while she was out buying some for herself. i'm glad he did becaue about two seconds after that, he entered me.

it hurt like hell at first, of course. antonio didn't know what to do; i was the first virgin he had been with. to take my mind off of the intense pain, he kissed me. it worked and soon the pain turned into pleasure of the same measure. his penis is so long, it hit my cervix and bent, which was uncomfortable in a GREAT way. sexual positions that he tried with me to push his penis deeper, like putting my legs on his shoulders, were out, though! he said that he wanted to make me cum, but i told him i was just in too much pain and so he finished up.

he took the condom off and said that he wanted to save the wrapper, but i told him that i wanted it. the last thing he told me about that ordeal that day was that i should have no qualms about being naked in front of him; i was extremely pretty down there and most other girls look like deflated parachutes. i love him for that.
====================
can't wait 'till tuesday.

summer days, drifting away...

i'll try not to make this summer like the last, during which i only posted twice, so here's a first.

nothing is changing. i still hate people and their tendency to fail me over and over again. i'm sick of having my courtesy taken for granted. the only bright light i have is antonio, but more on him later.

i had the most horrible nightmare last night. i'll be frank; larry was in it. i woke up deeply disturbed and covered in cold sweat. all i could do was moan because i felt so sick. where in the Hell did that come from?

now for reality:
haven't talked to chris lately. hmmm. i miss seeing her everyday. i have very few friends, and this upcoming camp where i'm supposed to be bonding with the other cheerleaders is going to kill me, unless i talk to X some.

i can just feel it in my bones--amber may be my roommate, but she's going to desert me, generally, and this i know. if given the choice, amber would choose to spend her time with a number of people on the squad other than myself. i've never felt so wronged. i would rather have amber with me than anyone on that damned squad, but that's just me. I CHERISH MY FRIENDS. if you're my friend, you're in a good place. obviously, she doesn't feel the same, so i won't fret.

nobody loves me....

that was an exaggeration, but i really am running low on friends these days.

antonio is great. in an effort to not type a million pages, i'm going to ask my readers to suffer through lots of courte, short writing. I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM. we've had a lot of disagreements over morals, but overall, antonio and i are great together. he is a supermodel to observers but when we're together, he'll joke about lame stuff that we both secretly love: Inuyasha and other anime/manga. SHHHH... No other boyfriend that i had made bets with me over who drew the best manga! he's great!

as for the disagreements, there have been plenty, and i won't type all of that down. [talk to me personally for specifics, if you care] but the clincher--what we all feared would happen, what many pushed into my head, and what i kind of always knew would occur--finally has happened. HE SHOVED ME. he is very physical and did many things that i didn't like, including pulling me around like a dog. we've talked it over, and i can only hope that it is resolved. we're great now, really. he's even been teasing about a ring and all.

next post: sometime after cheerleading camp. get off the computer and do your summer reading!