animal attraction quiz.

I took the "animal attraction" quiz on gURL.com
		my animal dating style is... odd bowerbird Some of your friends think you've flown the coop because you're an odd bird who is constantly challenging the commonly accepted rules of relationships. You don't believe in silly notions like who's-supposed-to-ask-out-who and you probably find traditional gender roles to be tres passe. Read more... What's your animal attraction dating style?

another dumbass guy.

let's examine the male:
he uses his big, deep voice as a weapon, as if i'm threatened by his ignorance. i don't want his low class ass and he humbled himself by damned near stalking me for months on end, so when i reject him because HE can't take a fucking hint, he gets embarrassed in front of his friend and yells at me. who's the winner here? a guy who has a bigger voice box than a brain, or me(someone who knows the value of both and sees what's important)?

you tell me.

and i usually don't post the actual names of people, but i really don't respect this guy:
FUCK YOU TIM! STOP CALLING ME! IF I DON'T ANSWER AFTER FIVE CALLS, I PROBABLY WON'T PICK UP THIS TIME EITHER! SORRY THAT YOU COULD NEVER TAKE A HINT AND THAT YOUR BIG DUMB ASS CAN'T HANDLE REJECTION. SORRY I HURT YOUR BIG-BOY FEELINGS IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIEND. AND NO, MY DAY DID NOT GO WORSE. IT WAS GREAT WITHOUT HAVING TO LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR SMARMY FACE! NOW GO TALK TO SOME CHICK WHO IS CLOSER TO YOUR AGE AND DOESN'T KNOW HER WORTH. I AM A YOUNG BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WHO NEVER NEEDED YOU IN MY FACE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

yay! i have my fucking cell phone charger AND a new hat to wear! PLUS, i'm going out for drinks tonight!!!! awesome, i should say.
all a girl needs is the security of a cell phone and some booze before the night is over.

i could just as easily shoot my chemistry book as i would opt to sleep with the chemistry professor right now. look how i'm procrastinating an assignment that takes four hours per day to complete--oh, but more is required if one actually desires to learn something and be prepared for exams. surely you knew that.

it's crazy how one of my drunk roommates came in singing "Buddy Holly" when the unmentionable-due-to-my-fragile-stability-right-now ex introduced me to that song. must be a thing in these parts. i guess his taste in music isn't that spectacular if little barbie doll girls in pink pumps know the same stuff!

i'm glad to say that i am mending. i am ALIVE to say the least, which is alot, you know. i am not hurting myself, not yelling at my brothers and father any more than usual, not scarfing down ice cream with crazy shit mixed inside... i'm good. i can even genuinely smile sometimes! i'm not even on my medicine!

57 minutes to complete my chemistry; shit.
fuck it. i'll make up for it next assignment. c'est just homework.
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this is a day late and all, but i want to finish this post, of course. i don't know how i managed to fall sleep after midnight and wake up before noon-ON MY OWN. weird. i'm actually getting this semblance of a morning after a full night's sleep thing going on. plus i've got my teeth staining coffee to give me jitters enough to open my eyes. i'm simply good to go.

i will not type about it in great detail, but to leave it out is a bit untruthful. the ex-roommate's monkey little friend came by lying as if he thought she was still here. he just wanted an excuse to see me. i gave him a false number, so ha! he tried to kiss me and he even went back and told the ex-roomie a bunch of drama-starting shits that i didn't even mean! if he wants to see a catfight, he'll have to involve another girl who gives a damn about the bitch, because i really don't. i've grown up just a little too much to give in to the entertain a rumor and badmouth game. i really don't have any resentment for her or even her dishonest little friend. hope she can sleep nights because i sure can!

that is all. i seek to pass a L'examen and some coherence with today's biologie lecture.

not a goodbye.

"You feel Gods conviction and this is why you know these things. thats good it says in the word that when the holy spirit comes he will convict the world. You obviously have him since you feel the conviction and know what you need to correct. Ask God to fill you with his holy spirit everyday to guide you. He sometimes speaks through your thoughts even while youre just goin thru your day. The better you know the word of God and pray, the better you know his voice. He has spoken to you before. With studying his word you will know to distinguish his voice from your own thoughts. Everyone has things that they need to work on in their life. Ask God daily to strengthen you in his spirit and help you to resist temptation. With things you pray for find a scripture to pray to God about the situation that deals with it. God watches over his word carefully to perform it."

i feel so good right now and have every reason to wake up in the morning. sorry; no exciting sinful tales, no delicious prose that you lik off of your fingertip with relish.

"Fuck good bye, there isn't good bye in this.. I.ll see you later.."

LOVE LOVE LOVE. shantih shantih shantih.

already better; post breakup.

:) don't sk me where i got the strength to get out of bed this morning. i just REALLY thank God for it because i can't even roll out of bed on days when i DO have a boyfriend to make me smile.. so there. i'm doing better already. these WikiHows on getting over a broken heart and dealing with a break up are funny for the simple fact that i am referencing them in the way that i am, but when i look at the facts in black and white like that, the little serif fonts and bullets of information that outline what my life should be like, like a chemistry lab experiment--it makes sense. i'll grab the links in a few.

for the record, i would like to point out the obvious: no one is perfect and the ideal guy for me first has to want to be in a relationship with me as badly as i do with him. no one should have to settle for me. it is HIS LOSS. life is too short to be pining over ANYTHING. there's so much to do and even more to blog about.

here's to being an antennae of the race.

• How to Heal a Broken Heart
• How to Fall out of Love With Someone
• How to Get Over a Break Up

new boyfriend.

il n'est plus mon petit ami.
eating organic mac and cheese like it's good. listening to aerosmith. smoking whatever i found in the bottom of my purse.

i miss my friends. O and S are my heart and it kills me to be away from people who really touch my soul like that. i love them. i miss smoking at Cups. i miss turning cartwheels in the courtyard. i miss gossip and drama. i miss genuine friendship that can't be broken with time. the friendship that makes you cry when a good song comes on, not just a sad one.

i was Cryin just to get you, now i'm Dyin cause i let you

this has been an excuse to do something i never should have stopped doing. i need to follow up with my prescription. i have a condition and i can't feel better unless i do something about it. i need my pills. i need to be a stronger person.

but am i beautiful person? i'm i good enough for anything. is it OK to not feel good enough right now? what excuses can i offer for my weaknesses? i simply freaks me out that i used to cut myself when i felt like this. it freaks me out that i might not have the help i need right now to keep me out of such trouble .

this is ridiculous what my heart is doing to me, because you better believe it--it is my heart that is involved. i don't fucking tell people that i'm falling in love to just leave them later. but, yeah we have a different definition of love and everything. of course. and even care is a multifaceted word. but this a multifaceted world and who is to say that we were meant to be together? i know.

the one person that i can't separate myself from is myself, though.

way susperstitious.

mom had a dream that dad died last night. today she dreamed it again. the two have been arguing again. when i was taking a nap after class, i dreamt that dad gave mom a present with a number "2" on it. mom looked at it and told dad that he is in trouble. so when she called me about an hour and a half ago about her dreams, i was at first too unconscious to care. i got oriented and immediately called her back to tell her about my own dream. she told me to call dad and to tell him to be careful. i called his house and he's not there.

ll [like the beastie boys].

i swear that i need some sort of energy supplement right now. i'm typing with more tobacco and poison in my lungs and blood instead of oxygen. haha, chemistry! i'm buzzed off of my ass and i'm shaking so that every word that i type is tpyo. this has been the first and partial "week" of classes. and i skipped half of those. tonight will consist of drinking and partying with one of my friends who is trying to get into a frat and more people who just want to get drunk.

this is a really weird situation that i'm in in life. but then again, i'm growing and transitioning into a monster, so it is all sure to be weird for days, for days, for days. tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. gosh, i LOVE that speech!
my intestines are cringing from the caffeine.

you know, last night with the boyfriend was very uncomfortable. i shouldn't really spend every night with him is what my better judgment tells me.
i'll backtrack.

i said the huge L word. it just slipped out. i hadn't planned on it. it is still subconsciously true and he couldn't reciprocate in NEARLY the way that i had hoped for. epic FAIL. and now whenever we're together very closely there is a hesitating that really rubs me wrongly. i try and try and try to do my best to be a good girlfriend because everyone needs support in the weird times and it just.. i don't know what else to do. i WON'T stop trying, you know. but how can i keep trying without grating my own nerves? it's a fragile chemical equation, a logarithmic scale, calculus.

he won't buy the cow if he gets the milk for free and this cigarette has made me very ill.

blargh.

my dorm caught on fire and i spent my monday of this week bailing the boyfriend out of jail with mommy, which was her first time meeting him. great impression, right? i know. but back to the fire and a full description of all recent shits and goings on when i get back from chem class, or possibly later. i don't fee like following a schedule today. God bless america and me too. especially me, OK?

he called!

he called again! woke me up as a matter of fact!

yeah, he only wanted to know the proper procedure to mig welding, but he CALLED!

couldn't help him out completely, but now i'm almost positive that i could give welding a good try.

love analyzed and NiNiness. 1 month!

i don't know what i'm doing right now. i can't believe that the new boyfriend called me tonight. sure the convo lasted for ten minutes. sure it involved more of his best friend than actually him. sure i had to tell the boyfriend that i witnessed a murder to get him to call. sure he still waited about two hours after that to finally call--but he did it. it was amazing. i heard alicia keys singing from my phone some silly little love song that she is rich for and i was all like "woah! when did i get that ringtone?' haha, it was just my elusive SO.

you know, Samurai Warriors is such a good game. i heart PlayStation!

giggle! i just sent pics of me in my undies to the boyfriend now that i let my mind wander. i'm so bad! being in love is so relieving. it's like a perpetual sentimental orgasm, or something like that if you can catch my train of thought.

yeah, that's right. i said in love. i AM in love. no doubt. you better believe it, baby. i'm not even scared to say it and no, i don't think i'm rushing into anything. i'm in love with my boyfriend and it's OK, in fact. i'm in love, but this isn't to say that i LOVE him. two totally different things. one might be the precursor for the other, but they're separate and unique. i love my ex because he is one of my closest friends and i have certainly learned to do so over the past three years. i am in love with my boyfriend because he makes my heart flip flop when we are together :)

SQUEE! here's to exactly 1 month [and a few hours] of NiNi squared.

5 Relationship Resolutions
thanks, iVillage!

spiritual/chemical high.

i really regret the two failed attempts at moblogging i had to delete from my database of posts. i've been feeling really spiritual lately, because everything else is failing me.

at midnight was the first time in about 20 years that i haven't been with daddy to celebrate the New Year. his joy in life was to light up a Black Cat or two and toss them st my brothers and me to explode in our ears and on our shoes right up until last year when clearly all of us are adults now. damnit. momma said it was depressing and liberating all at the same time. i was so stoned from a lorcet pill i took for menstrual cramps that i said "LIFE is depressing and liberating at the same time! LIFE makes you happy and sad at the same time!"

maybe i was on to something?

rewind to me in church at midnight completely stoned for the second time, wishing i could hop up into the pulpit. i was shouting Alleluia! in my head and my pupils were dilated with droopy lids.. i was so happy to brought into a new year from all that i have been associated with in the past. REALLY. if i think about it, i can get lost in such deep thought. i have been brought a looooong way.

such a long way that i need not look back and be excited to the new heights that i'm going to accomplish. such a long way that i need to surrender more to the liberating side of this change, right? yeah.

today has been spent so far with me being too busy to care if someone calls or not :)
i'm on a spiritual and chemical high and you should be jealous! goal next: the peace that passes understanding.