sleep and sleep and sleep.

i just really would rather not wake up on time in the morning. contemplating not waking up at all, as if i can control that. there is a dying kitten in my lap, a sucky boyfriend, an asshole ex, and a scary future that i am being catapulted into. i just want to be numb to everything and not feel a thing until tomorrow sometime.
the thing is that i have no distractions. i don't have any fancies to occupy my mind, and it's all my own fault. what i want is a car of my own, a pocketfull of money and a vacation destination. i'm settling for Blood and Gold and the internet.
not much more waxing that i can accomplish. hopefully i will be good and tired before something else takes an offensive turn.

honesty game sucks.

speaking of neglect. shame on me.
well, since i cannot be successfully laid by my [boyfreind?] i've looked up on gurl.com ways to be intimate without being intimate. sad, i know. online suggests:
reading, talking, massage, hand-holding, being honest...
so i tell him that my family thinks that he is trashy and unworthy of the likes of me [but i love him anyways] and he tells me that he loves me too. great, great, great. i still have no idea of what i am doing and how to go about doing it. playing stuff by ear is really bad on the knees; oh wait! i mean, doing things one day at a time...can really suck.

i am learning to ignore my bruises and bleeding long enough to enjoy a new nightclub that i have discovered and the presence of an old boyfriend back into my life.

i love skinned elbows, long days at the office and no money, drama with the outlaws, and burnt spaghetti. i absolutely adore "El Fauno" of Pan's Labyrinth. i'd do him.

i need to polish up one of my old poems.

breakup with afro thunder.

1)here's me hoping that what my mom says about breakups is true: you're supposed to have many when you are young.
2)here's me hoping that i can toughen the eff up when i leave state in a few months, or it's 'oh well' for me.
3)i have been lounging in sweat pants all day wishing that i could swim in a pool of vanilla ice cream and American Deli hot wings with some ginger ale while a johnny depp movie plays. needless to say, i am not quite satisfied.