thanksgiving hols summary.

damn.
i haven't posted in a while. i owe it to eating. no, i'm not kidding here. my hips will not fit through the door soon. and i still have a pancake ass and teenager tits. sigh.

my weave is way shorter and thus the most pointless of all the hair that i've had sewn into my head. it's no longer than my true hair and just as kinky, which gives it an authentic look. but it's straight and i have to sleep in rollers like i don't have a weave and i have no length to show off!

larry makes me tired. i really need some sort of counseling if i am going to do this. love isn't supposed to hurt or make you argue with the other person everyday. but then again, it's not supposed to make you abandon someone and be irresponsible for the pain that you case them, either. this blows--hard. can't tell you the number of times that i have fantasized about egging and keying my name into someone's car. not even larry's car--the neighbors' car, a child's wagon.. i just want the damage done.

i'm tired, but when am i not?

game weekends will kill you.

im in one of my fairytale moods. i crave the woods and fertile earth. i'm rocking out to old A Perfect Circle and Googling Suicide Girls and El Laberinto del Fauno. good stuff. i'd fuck El Fauno.

this is a complete 180 to what i experienced last night, or rather, both friday and saturday nights.

it's a game weekend at college. friday, went partying with "T" and got more sick than drunk thanks to some nasty beer. have to drink it fast and smoke a lot so that you don't taste the nastiness. saturday was loads better. awesome band playing at the AKL house. there was Hunch Punch instead of cheap beerfest beer brought in in 10 cases at a time. yay! had fun. froze my ass off. got molested by the lead singer of the 2nd band. was kinda flattered. walked home by myself because "T" had passed out upstairs in the AKL house and i was sleepy.

yeah, i'm tired.

some vanity.

i'm really hot, am i not?

haha! i'm not crazy about the in-laws situation!

glorious, glorious saturday. who-gives-a-fuck-if-we-win-or-lose saturday. just worked-out saturday. talking on the phone with the SO saturday.

been spending all of my time on ivillage [i love it!]

Stand United with Your Mate

"Your mate should be the one to make it perfectly clear to his family that when they hurt, bad-mouth or dismiss you, they are also hurting him." -- iVillager ppsuep--"Get Along with Your In-Laws (Yes, It's Possible!)""

hmm. prolly shouldn't communicate this to larry, even if i completely agree with it. i'm so sick of my hurt causing other people anxiety, frustration, and anger, that i'm willing to forget about it all to have a decent Thanksgiving break.

now i have to find an article on bottling emotions inside and communication obstacles. ooh, couples' counseling is inevitable. i actually feel really bad the only closure i'm getting is my own duty of forgetting about my hurt. it's already been forgiven, but if i'm trying to be decent with the in-laws, i have to actually forget. and i know that larry is pissed that the public can read this while he is in the dark about it, but the truth is that me and him have had this conversation and it's turned into a fight. he couldn't do anything to help me. so, i guess that this is some sort of therapeutic outlet until i have other help. i wish that he understood.

im an adult, or run ragged [some more].

today is one of those days that you just have to look at and say: "Well, I guess that this is being and adult."

i got very little sleep last night for pumping out a five-page paper [typed in elevated diction]. woke up late, but miraculously got to class almost an hour hour early for the exam review. stayed late for the lecture and missed a question on the quiz!..

ran back to the dorm after leaving the computer lab, which was unfortunately reserved [damnit]. did 50% of my math work due today at 7 with 100%. took a 30 minute nap to be energized for the next class, which didn't work. i pronounced all of my French horribly and got pissed at a classmate for pronouncing Toussaint Louverture's name wrong and another for assuming that he had slaves when it was obvious that people are just really stupid today; let's take a ship to Mars and do what Prometheus and Gaia suggest.

am at the computer lab now. it's funny that in this wicked rush, i still find time to blog. just printed my researched position assignment on the HIV-positive workforce. i don't even know if i believe in my own claim! what caliber of author am i?

have to go to class and stay awake to have this thing reviewed, only to basically retype the whole thing for a passing grade. have to rush and squeeze several long hours of math hell into less than two hours' time at my dorm. have to hope a classmate calls and comes over to let me basically plagiarize her lab report for a grade tomorrow. finally, there is a suite meeting this evening at 730 called by me because my roomates think that i'm nasty and lazy when the fact is that they're never there, thus i shouldn't have to clean on their schedule and a whole lot of other bullshit which makes my stomach ache...

oh yeah! and i just fucking broke up with my fiancé! and i should probably make time to eat today, too--or maybe i shouldn't. dance auditions are on the 16th. i really just need to sleep some more, i think. it's the answer for everything right now. trust it.

i don't know why the fuck i stayed in the bed with him so long. i don't even remember why i fought so hard to be in this place.

i let his sister bitch me out, bully me, and try to jump on me when i finally did get pissed enough to say something back. i let his mother insult my whole fucking life. he can't be man enough to even recognize the horrible shit that i've had to go through just to be with his dumbass when it's the least he can do.

mt family didn't like him for the simple fact that he made me cry. reason enough. they never said any crazy bullshit to his face and i never let them get in the way of me being with him because my happiness is my own.

his grown [and supposedly mature] aister would come over mooching food and occupy his time with stupid shit when it was obvious that me and him were spendint time together. she'd make him take out his bass and play random shit and see how long it would go just to see how much i could take. she'd make up practices and shit that he had to go to when he was with me and she got surprised enough to want to hit me when finally open my mouth. what a dumb bitch who needs to find a life of her own.

his mother called me a fucking disgrace to women because i was a hooters girl. i took the job because her son wouldn't buy me food.. she kicked me out of her house because her daughter is crazy and can't get a life... larry has never been kicked out of my place. no one has tried to touch him.

i can't see myself marrying into that disgustingness. especially when he can't man up and see the shit when it's since hit the fan. i don't deserve it. after all of this shit, i deserve a damned ring on my finger and i don't have any jewelry from him.

relationships are supposed to be fun and this isn't. i'm not getting back into bed and he's not reading this [not from my computer, at least]. there is just way too much shit that needs to be cleaned up and he's too much of a bitch to do it. maybe everybody can be happy now. i'm in AL with oter single people and i deserve to be happy with a real man, i should say. him and his pretentious family with no life can all go smoke hookah, read poetry, do other hippie shit and deem it artistic, and eat unsalted rabbit food all they want without seeing me again.

looks like i'm going to some frat parties tonight! with someone other than my roommate! i might actually have fun tonight! yay! i hope that i don't get raped or killed or turn myself into a statistic of a black person in the wrong place at the wrong time...

1 week--i made it!

im prefuckingmenstrual, so leave alone!!!

okay, to the post:
i'm not getting any sleep lately. during the day, after i force myself fom under the blanket, i have to juggle fatigue, depression, biology labs and lectures [which have gone skipped twice this week], tests, eating so that i don't faint and studying. for the record, i scored 92% in my MA112 test and did decently enough on my FR and lab exams. cool beans.

today is friday and is one of those days that i have completely to myself. nevermind that i'm cold [in my own fucking dorm that i am paying to stay in] and bored. i think that i am going to play The Sims all day and sleep all night. maybe even fit a little masturbating in between. and tomorrow, i'm having the largest possible Mocha Creamice from starbucks with some chess cake or praline and probably sleeping the other 23 hours away. now, that's a weekend.

larry should get here tomorrow night. i've been practicing on top sex positions on my floor. hope no one else has seen me; my window is stuck in the up position and the only think keeping me from being exposed is a little WalMart curtain. ah, well. hope that i've been a decent show.

damnit, i've got deadlines tonight! fuck it... i'm going to go piss, get into bed, and the hands are going down the pants [for at least a few hours]. my advice to everyone: just go masturbate, seriously. does wonders. for stress, grief, nerves, Jehova's Witnesses, just jack it.

adieu.

from october to november 2007.

no remarkable shit that yesterday was my favorite holiday. well:

i saw so many crazy costumes. there was Waldo [i found him], a Cat in the Hat, a terrorist [kind of racist], and dude without pants, a sailor-girl whore, several Alices in Wonderland, pirate wenches, a beer keg, Slash, a pregnant nun, butterflies.. it was crazy.this will have been the fist time in forever that i have not had a "real" costume. goth chick wear does not count.

so fresh from being scathed at The Rocky Horror Picture Show event, i found it cool to listen to this paranormal expert lecture on "The Dangers of the Paranormal" [at night, mind you]. i'm such a chicken. i can't help it if exorcisms, possession, hauntings, and ghosts freak me out. the paranormal sphere is one that i'd like to forget exists most of the time. it's bad enough knowing that the stuff is out there ready to grab me up when i'm unsuspecting, but to look at in pictures and creepy first-hand tales is bringing it a little closer than i know what to do with.

so in order to bring out the Ghost Buster is me, i'm going to purchase some olive [Jesus] oil and bless the dorm so that the sleaziness, nastiness, unholiness, and other wrong shit leaves. yeah i have a spiritual side. this probably means that i'm going to have to clean up, so there goes my weekend.

i want to know that why is it when i get a perm, my edges actually get nappier. triiips me out, or rather, it pisses me off. i have emotionally scarfed down some Tut's because of my distress disguised as hunger and gelled the visible naps down. i don't know how to feel about all of that. i'm fucking cold in my own dorm. i want to understand why the air is on when its 40 degrees outside. i'm from the south and i need the warmth! i'm wearing flip-flops to Christmas!

18 fucking hours next semester--am i crazy?!!

boo, no cough syrup. and it's too late to take any medicine if i'm thinking about sleeping tonite. damnit, side-effects which are on average about 35-50% worse than what one takes the medication for!