frenching and flirting.

"thanks" to all of you lovelies who actually read all of my absent rambles and entertain me with your compliments. know that you are responsible for making me smile from day to day! i'm leaving for home tomorrow with my mom and dad and i might not get around to being near a computer as often as i would like to [or i might. who knows?]. but don't you worry, i'll return full force after this short break.

and now for some blogging:

French Week was celebrated recently on my campus and i had a blast. a bunch of high school Francophiles Frenchers came to visit and to participate in our activities. i baked cupcakes [French Vanilla, oh la la] for fundraising and apparently the things were good; they sold out in two hours. yay! no one got food poisoning. that definitely would not be chic.

there was a French dinner at a swank restaurant just out of town and the whole French Club went. a very nice boy drove me and sat next to me.  he was very polite and tall ;)   the whole affair was nice. the president of the club complimented my dress. the food was exotic and delicious. the company was delightful because everyone was full of wine and fried cheese.  here are a few photos. there are a cute crimson shirt that says "Kiss me. I speak French," vanity shots of myself, and pretty displays of the meal. 

ciao! i'll be back soon for a possible Twilight review and to describe how i'm absolutely sure that my Literature professor now knows that i'm in love with him. i didn't giggle and blush at him about a subject completely tangent to the course material, at all.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

i'm off for home where some amazing folks are!

i want to slit my wrists!

nah, i'm being dramatic. i'm actually okay-- just a little tired and starving. i'm back after a week full of lose: i've been literally studying biology more often than sleeping, which takes a lot of effort for someone wh:o is as fatigue-prone as i am. "of course i'm good in bed; i can sleep for days!" haha.. but seriously, my chemistry professor is Satan. he went into a crazy tirade around the lecture hall pointing to random objects and associating them with obscure material: "This is made of blah blah blah! And this is made of something else that you can't even pronounce! Exam on Tuesday!"

i'm getting sick, but i wear so much makeup that it's undetectable until i sneeze three times in a row. i'm on a diet and my tummy looks nice. i've got some resistance bands hanging over the door just waiting to be used in my pilates routine. there's actually motivation to use them now that i've been over to visit Blair's blog. 

nothing terribly exciting is going on. i'm pumped about getting a place soon with one of my besties, T. it will be the two of us and then another girl. heh--hope it doesn't turn into an Audrina v. LC and Lo situation. yeah, i watched The Hills. so?..  :)

*sneeze*

oh, red lipstick mimics confidence apparently. i've been wearing it and a [beautiful Clark Kent-looking] guy that i haven't talked to in a while was mesmerized by my mouth. he's very conservative and doesn't do much flirting,  so i personally pulled a few tricks just for practice. later online, he told me that he really liked my perfume. how's that for not flirting? exciting! 

Twilight is tomorrow! i want to see it!

TiLT

and go visit Gala @ iCiNG! she's a doll. i can't keep her wonderful webspace to myself forever. this is my first TiLT [things i love thursday]! here i go!
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•Google Reader, which lets me subscribe to all of my favorite RSS updated websites from one place [blogs, twitters, campus and world news, literature assignments]. Googleverse in general because it's so dynamic and efficient! hel-lo!
•freshly manicured claws, er nails. double points for red paint!
•actually having time to experience breakfast incarnate as waffles!!!! WAFFLES!!!
being an ex-smoker, duh.
•flirting with beautiful [but socially inept] nerds.
realizing that eliminating a space for negativity in my life is quite beneficial to the whole progress thing, afterall. who woulda thunk?
•The South-a woman was killed in LA after deciding that the Klan was not the place for her and attempting to escape.
•meeting up with my platonic girlfriend over her apartment to watch Tommy Gavin Denis Leary Rescue Me while we "study."
•my job which gives me an excuse to wear hot office wear from the thrift store while i read Anne Rice or do homework!
•did i say something about hot nerds already? what about nerds who are 6'3 of lean muscle. oh, same thing!
•watching Fight Club for what seems like the sixth time in a month thanks to G4.
•YouTube playlists to listen to while i get ready for in the mornings! yesterday i got dressed and applied makeup to H. I. M., Joy Division [the Donnie Darko Halloween party song], Billy Idol, and the Danzig. badass!
•uh, my face? :D

picture perfect.

i stole this idea from Bryanna! not my creativity, here; it belongs to her. this is my "picture perfect" life. beware: it might be too weird to love!

my lover would be either Lestat de Lioncourt or Ville Valo of H. I. M. ha, MRoS! Lestat is my vampire lover. he's about 250 years old from L'Auvergne France and he's such a gorgeous Brat Prince. i often quote him. Lestat is the self proclaimed "Gentleman Death in silk and lace, come to put out the candles--the canker in the heart of the rose," or something like that [i'm relying on memory, here]. Ville is also very pretty to look at, but he smokes so i might relapse :( i don't know: there's just something about those stunning, light eyes and his angelic voice. i want to lick his tattoos!

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yeah, Tom Cruise as the most blasphemous vampire created.
 

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Ville Valo is so hot. go YouTube "Sacrament" by H. I. M.

this would be the place of my wedding--the French Quarter! i want a bilingual ceremony at some antiquated venue, thankyouverymuch. then there would be a lovely reception maybe at Le Pavilion hotel, or Saint Louis Cemetary #1.

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this would be the style of my home. very vintage french chic. i like baroque and romantic things. i want a spacious house in Paris with reminders of old glamour and weird bathrooms. the inside will be geeked out with antique posters and manga. i'll play Charles Aznavour and Frank Sinatra all day.

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this is a scene from the movie The Dreamers, which was a lovely mind fuck.

this would be my appearance. i like the burlesque look of the golden age; it's timeless and sexy! i'm going to be a future red-headed or blonde wench who looks like a flapper or a girl from the 40s! oh, la la! i'm already well-practiced at the fake beauty marks and overdone makeup!

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this is Jessica Rabbit, Rodger Rabbit's wife

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these are some burlesque performers. i don't know their names!

so, in a nutshell:

i want a gorgeous and brooding lover. i want the lifestyle of a francophile sensualist. i want to look like Betty Grable or Joséphine Baker while i waltz around being a fabulous and bilingual physician.

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alright, c'est votre tour! it's your turn!

i am an ex.

i was going to wait until before class tomorrow, but i'm kind of excited:

today 11/6 is my quit date :)

now you may not share my enthusiasm, but know that it is there and in immense amounts from my end! i'm armed with nicotine gum and a trust-worthy friend or two. i'm even doing the Nicotine Anonymous thing with a good bud as my loyal sponsor. i feel like Tommy Gavin from Rescue Me with his Irish alcoholism problem.. i'm so young!

i've got to keep my hands busy. i'm going to be biting my nails and sticking my fingers in my mouth all day. but, can i still be sexy without my cigs, though? heh. it's just been a regular part of my life for a while. ugh, this is going to be hard re-working my life around smoking, but the need to do so is there and isn't going anywhere. my doctor suggests that i quit eventually and i know that it's for the best if i do it soon. it's something that i've been getting closer and closer to doing recently. been seriously thinking about it for months.

so tell me congratulations and good luck and other lovely things. i'm so happy for me!

these are not my loves, not my God.

cherry here. and i'm just thinking right now. feel free to join me. won't you?

i have a slight caffeine buzz--which is always so good in the mornings--and i'm going to to try to take you to where i've just been, okay? would you like me to do that? do you mind the ride? i'll give you a present if you can make it with me. how does a picture of me naked sound?
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if i remember back long ago to my last visit to a church of any kind, a stark image at the forefront of my thoughts and the church itself would be the Cross. the Cross ornamenting the entrance, the threshold and the Cross scratching along the membranes of my head. okay. well, i will make the gross simplification and say that my life is the experiment of bringing that same Cross from the church and that Cross out of my mind into being an intimate part of my everyday experience. upon waking and rolling over in my bed, the Cross should be there in the sheets. with my breakfast cup of coffee over the dining table, the Cross should be before me doing those things with me. well.

sometimes, upon waking, i have spiders' webs in my head and little girl/big girl dreams are finishing their run from the night. when i am not having breakfast alone, the things that do surround me are very much removed from a spiritual realm. you don't have to be a Christian to see what i am seeing here, i promise. hell, i just barely am. can you understand what i am trying to show you here?

sometimes, i have strongholds in my life that shouldn't be there. this woman has had faith in false objects. she's even been loyal to the wrong thing entirely. these things need not be other gods; anything can have an immense amount of misplaced significance, if you allow it to. just ask me. i, who have deified a man or two and made them my saviors. i've been naive and assumed that good "friends" are immune to mistakes, hurting my feelings, or misleading me. i've been a heretic fool in my past with following an ill whim of my brain and indulged in way too many people and behaviors [self-mutilation!], which have always come around to bite me squarely in the ass.

did you catch that with me? even you of no religious persuasion can surely comprehend the futility in chasing after false and empty promises.

i was just on the phone having a lazy conversation with my mother and she just passively mentioned the elimination of such crap in our lives. she said that even if she was to leave me today and not be involved in my life anymore that she would still expect me to be standing. do you know why? i do. because all of my eggs aren't in one basket? not in any mundane basket, at least. but because i have a larger object of adoration and source of strength. my figurative Cross.

now, my mother isn't going anywhere, mind you. she was just illustrating a fact and i'm thankful for it. however i've had to learn it, i know that chasing phantoms is futile. it's fun for a while and it makes me smile, sure. but who's really in charge here? me! i am! and i don't have to go where you're going; i don't have to do what the world is doing. what makes me happy is independent of what makes the next person smile and i'll tell you: i don't care to try to make him or her understand it. how relieving, yes? i'll answer that for you--YES!

so, having said that, my friend, i'll keep doing what's best for me and what feels good. my life is going so well right now probably because i've been doing just that. i've made new and healthy friends, my grades are wonderful, my professors shake my hand, my family is succeeding in its own way, the folks who love me are immensely proud and encouraging. and now that i'm going along living my own beautiful life with a crown on my head, worthy company has been following.

once you do what it is that you need to be doing, inadequate and insecure people follow suit. they grow up, they move away because there's no area for them to cling to to and thwart. they get stuck in their own ruts and settle there with a warped sense of contentment because they would be even more hopeless anyplace else [i personally used to be like this; this is my exact past self in a nutshell]. the bad and senseless behaviors stop, priority emerges. things fix themselves. and with this new room , i've found myself in the presence of people and things who deserve to be in my presence and it's exciting. but, of course, i will keep my head on straight. i am not going to have the shit end of the stick the next time someone shows me who they really are. the joke's on them next time! i'll be busy being smarter.

i feel very purged and relieved. it's the feeling that comes along with discovering how Life can make sense and have meaning. i didn't have to force any position or situation onto myself. i didn't have to lie, cheat, or steal out of desperation for comfort. i didn't have to become someone i'm not or adopt harmful practices. things are happening the way that they need to because that's the way it's supposed to happen. i'm just so lucky that it's all favoring me these days.

AND NOW i want all of you lovelies to comment. what have been some of your false strongholds? how has your life been molded at the evasion of all of that yucky, ill stuff? are you presently in a position that you have forced on yourself out of desperation for security and meaning? do you feel like Life has put you where you need to be? how are you going to get there? what should be your loves? your God? your Cross?

when you've finished telling me all of that, you'll feel a little post-coital--like you need a cigarette, if you know what i mean! go ahead and try it. it feels amazing sorting things out.
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ciao. i appreciate all of the readers of my blog. every. last. one. even anonymous ones who don't comment sometimes. you are all very cool people! i wish that i could bake cookies for all of you without you getting food poisoning!

babe, you can't capture this.

nah, babe don't try. not even with a camera.

my H'ween pwned all. there was a guy dressed as what i thought was a car crash victim, but he was indeed the Stock Market. there were plenty of political figures [one Obama had devil horns] and Ledger!Jokers as predictable. campus was crazy. just imagine hundreds of freakily-dressed young adults coming out the library, grabbing food from the cafe, waving bye to their professors with Jason masks on.

i froze my booty off. my pirate costume was an experiment to discover how naked i could get without getting pneumonia in my butthole. it worked and i'm alive to blog about it. i thought it was cute and so did several other people [guys and girls]. you can only get away with this stuff one night out of the year, folks, and i'm a professional. careful, it burns to the touch.

the parties were especially enjoyable. it resembled intense raving because this is not only Halloween weekend but Homecoming weekend as well. i don't even remember what bands were playing because they all had on masks and wigs.. one guy dressed as a crackhead tried to get me to sniff his powdery-coated hand when i asked for a beer. it was suspicious, but turns out it was just Altoids. you can't blame my apprehensiveness;  i can't afford a roofie accident before my Organic test! 

i got pictures with some slick-dressed special ones. i will link the photo albumn. i can't remember who all i kissed. i took some drags off of some poor girl's cigarette. when i forgot that it belonged to her and not me and started to walk away, she ran after me in her soldier's costume and asked for it back. that's a smoker for you. they'll hunt you down to puff at the filter.

quotes of the night:

"yeah, she danced with him and i stood there awkwardly with Hilary Clinton."

"aww, we should have taken more pictures with that crackhead!"

"hey let's take a picture! can you strangle me a little bit?!"

and what was your night like? please please please link any albumns, photos that you have. have any crazy stories for me? a secret?  watch any lovely movies that i should see? kiss a cute boy or girl? i seriously want to know because H'ween is my favorite holiday and autumn is my favorite time of year. make my day.

this is my insanity from this time of year: 

Let's do the Time Warp Again!

ciao, mes chers.

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and i'm making this a two-fold post, darlings. this is the selfish MemeMeme part. i just have to say that i am in love with myself; this is the romance of my lifetime. and i'm lucky that other people in my life can love me, as well. i don't have to pretend to be someone else for any reason and no one else can be quite exactly me [not that they should want that anyway]. i don't have any babies [headaches /possible heartaches / stretch marks] to split my time and expenses on. i don't have the insecurity that i used to have, and i don't spend all of my time talking about other people who shouldn't be important to me anymore now that i'm a big girl who should have an established life elsewhere and independent of immature bullshit. i've really grown up. there is no reason why this lady needs to obsess and to be possessed by a bunch of shtuff in her past when life is pulling her a new direction! anything less would just be sad. i just pulled an A on my Cell Bio exam. my professor shook my hand at our meeting and can write a recommendation for me. my family is strong and behind me 100 percent. they would never leave alone, abandon me just because i'm an adult, or kick me out of the house. i have other worthy people in my corner, Team Cherry, who can support me at my bad times. i have God [yeah, i said it]. i have denis leary to masturbate over tonight! i'm such a favored girly these days! 

and this isn't even an ounce sarcastic! i haven't seen this clearly in a while and i'll tell you that it has to do a lot with spirituality and God, if you care for such stuff. i feel extra lucky and fabulous. everything that i'm touching is turning into gold and the Hell that tried to hold me back is now my pink feather and lace-adorned footstool. 

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