my dad just told me that he loves me; i officially have no trace of a desire to hear those three words from another man! i'm such a silly, little girl. nobody needs stupid boys to say stupid things to them when it's not true, especially if that person has a family who loves them and they are in love with their own self!!! look a the exhibit of awkward/incorrect word usage. did you catch it? i really don't even know how to fix that...

i almost purchased a dildo today from this discount website. they are so beautiful! there was this pink jelly, realistic-looking one that i fell in love with
go, self-love!

i had a bit of a breakdown this week. seriously, go ask my poor mother who has to listen to me whine; i'm such a baby. how can any true adulthood be looming when i can't even take the knife from my own wrist?

not going to let it get to me:
i shall not want.

mon couer.

i feel like a Basil Halward falling in love with his muse.
am i in love, you ask? no--not romantic love, at least. it is very similar to that non-sexual, yet equally strong stuff that poor Basil was ill with for Dorian. in my case, i feel it for a certain boy, a Silent Bob's Jay! so cool!

he's just really cool people [start girly squeeing]...[/end girly squeeing]! we watched television on the floor, we smoked under the stars, we spent a few moments in my lovely pink dorm bed. i could wax eloquent poetry on anyone, mind you. i am NOT falling too terribly for this one. it's just been a long time since mon couer ne son pas!!! my pulse.. it was not there!

fucking hippies on the floor.

my roomate likes to get high, so last night was one of those nights that i just have to blog about--not because it was especially fun for me, but because it was just so strange!

me and her were leaving the market when some shady-looking micro-cephalic thinks that it's just so cool to approach her, as if she was asking for it :/
as soon as she stepped outside, he attacked her [with stupidity] and mentioned that they were going to get high. she was nice before and then got really friendly all of a sudden. the fucker got invited inside so she could get his number and he started insulting me because i wouldn't "losen up." excuse me if i have a class at 9A to make [which i missed because i didn't get to sleep until around 4A...

well, the micro-cephalic his friends, a random guy named Tim and my roomate decided to go around back of some dorms to get high. The friend with the backpack on started to make some bong out of a two-liter bottle for my friend to get a hit off of. there was a bottle left from one of his trips there previously. i asked why there was peanut butter in his backpack, and he said that peanut butter stays stuck to your finger, so when you're high you won't stay hungry like you would be with other food. awesome. they all were right under some dorm windows, but luckily no one cared.

after coughing and inhaling [everyone but me], we went back to the dorm and my roomate put in our SawIII DVD for entertainment. i had to stay awake for her safety, so i tried to enjoy the movie the best that i could. the dumb high fuckers were so tore up tat they didn't even realize that they were watching the menu screen for the DVD and had to press play for the movie to start. they were just fine with watching that head swinging and the suspended arms. disgusting.

SawIII came out and 300 went it, so yeah--i was awake. blah blah blah, tie was pissed away until 3A when the fuckers slept over with my blankets on the floor. there were two high bitches sleeping on my floor and i woke up today to find one of them still here--the micro-cephalic. he wanted to take a shower. i said sure--whatever it took for him to get the hell out of here.

i am roger rabbit's wife.

this weekend is going to be the first in a while that i have stayed on campus without the fiancé visiting. adulthood is feasible, i should say. been spending my downtime in the most absurd ways: trespassing into other students' dorms' impersonating "The Door-Locking Police" while trying to avoid being arrested with an unbelievable lie. stealing pregnancy tests from the local supermarket. making grilled cheese sandwiches and rice-krispie bars on a whim. buying cigarettes illegally from the math professor. taking Marilyn Monroe-esque photos with a fan in the lobby of the dorm...

i've been having fun. i miss my family, even if they think that i'm pregnant because i'm engaged. i [really] miss sleeping in my narrow dorm bed with my boy's legs wrapped around me.

"Justice for the Jena Six!" by the way.

see you on th flip-side.

just a decorated post about nookie.

all is right with the world. i have been having some of that "long-time-coming" nookie with my boyfriend.

that's not all that i have done with my weekend home, though.

friday night i also had free and found myself at the MHS v. WHS football game. ah, memories! i'm one of those graduates who can't get a life separate from being a former student. damnit. poor me. C.V. was there and he graduated about 35 2 years ago; i didn't feel so bad.

went to Wal-Mart [yeah, i'm a classy girl] blasting Kanye's "Stronger" and relieved them of some makeup. oh, and i bought some razors and a pair of booty-shorts for a dollar. woo! met some random pretty guy from Birmingham who wouldn't leave me alone:
i looked bad that night. i was at the self check out fumbling for change and he offers me some quarters! didn't he see my smeared makeup and stained jeans? i declined and he continued to flirt. he's had a lot of practice, i assume. one of his boys asked me what i was shaving for [the Rapture?] the pretty one is one of those pretty boys that i hate so much because they act like deities and gifts to women. maybe he isn't a jerk, but i acted extra uninterested so he could realize that it takes way much more than looks to get me acknowledge you--so, ha! screw pretty people, even if i look like a Barbie, myself. i've typed "pretty" in this paragraph, like 3 times.

today i woke up after noon and headed out to my boy's job. blah, blah, blah. he got off [of work] and headed back to his house after hanging with D.J. V. some nookie ensued, which was no big feat because i wasn't wearing any clothes *cough*Wal-Mart booty-shorts*cough* and i hate to admit that i'm not Wonder Woman, but i really can't work on top--not that anyone has complained--but today was an exception. i mean, i made larry talk dirty! the King of Prudes talked dirty to me. he was all like "work it" every time i stopped to breathe. yesss! he even semi-seriously asked who i had been practicing with. silly boy--my hand. i love him and his penis. i love deep dickings.

at home now with the sore vagina and goofy grin. feel very satisfied. not even hungry. so satiated that the sentences don't even need subjects. GodBlessYou and Amen.

not a fucking miscarriage. NOT even pregnant. i think that i am the slightest bit disappointed. ive ruined three [pairs of] panties which severely increases the need to do laundry. i have mildewing bath towels in a basket in the corner. my hair has caught all of the humidity in the AL air.

did i mention that i got back from the ER at 5AM just to be told that i'm not pregnant. i have a cute little ID bracelet/wrist-tag piece of jewelry and a bandage over a terribly-executed needle stick. it hurts like hell in the vicinity of my vein, but not actually in the correct spot. i mean, i have scars from where i've been stuck before at the inside of my elbow; why does my nurse think it's so cool to aim in a completely different direction that hurts till you piss your pants? she might have done that shit on purpose. i know that momma used to do it to the old, racist patients that she had. hmm.

but yeah. i have to have a follow-up with a family-planning clinic, or my new gynecologist. yay, vagina!!

lo and behold--i'm having a miscarriage. well, at least i think that i am. i don't have a medical degree, yet. i woke up this morning feeling shitty after a particularly sloppy night--which is another post, not this one--and i went to go pee. i thought that i had been mangled. my thong was shot to hell, i almost threw it away.

here's the logic: if i'm looking at my calendar correctly, today is Day 14, which means that i should be ovulating. implantation bleeding doesn't occur this soon or is this fucking heavy. hmm. i've been having crazy sex sporadically over the past three weeks with my boy. damnitfuckshithell.

imagine me in the diner eating a tuna steak bleeding out of my protection, confused as hell. i almost had a horrible, disgusting accident. i truly don't know what to do with myself. i am in rare form.

i've been having good sex for two days straight. you should be jealous. i love the labor day holiday!!! larry's penis is divine when coupled with a $7 lube [www.stayswetlonger.com]. imagine hours of lounging in bed with increasingly less clothing.

talking to the ex...