meds are bliss.

today, everyone enjoyed my personality [during the hours that i was actually awake, that is]. i've never been in such a great mood for no reason, and people have never seemed to love me more. Xtina wanted to "pop a pill, too," but of course, i wouldn't let her. ah... i still feel high. i love antidepressants.

the very girls i want to avoid for the rest of my life have made the cheerleading squad. no complaints from me! i'm broke. no complaints. i'm single. no complaints. i am seriously on cloud nine, or whatever.

a hallelujah for tomorrow.

i can wholly relate to her now. Xtina wrote, "whatever wont kill me makes me better right? but what do i receive from this shit??? i have an amorphous answer.

sometimes, all i can do is go to my room and cry. i will be so full of anger, sadness, confusion, or despair until it becomes bigger than i can handle. the emotion feels larger than i am, and i am left feeling more out of control and helpless than i normally do. it is much like drowning or like the Chevelle song goes, "suffocating."

well, during one of my few visits to church, in which i only stayed half an hour due to my lateness [is that a word?], i picked up on a little something that sadly took all of these years to realize. all through the Bible [pick it up and read Jesus' words now], Jesus prohesizes a number of things. he was only a man, but he spoke with a divine voice. he never allowed himself to be overcome with the world. he also declared the ending of unfortunate times successful from the beginning. i wish that i could pick up this Bible and quote Jesus, but that book is one that i do not know well.

so like him, i won't get world-weary. the world can "never wholly kiss you," right? why let it get the better of you when it does so little for you? also just say "this will pass. thank God for tomorrow, that the new day is infinitely more beautiful than today's trials are unsympathetic. Amen."

made me smile.

je t'adore, Xtina.
"That is my girl, she is a little sicc, but I love Cheniece, she's like one of my bestest friends, and the other half of the "B.C.C. (Barbie Clone Clique)"

d'raey.

i will get to the title soon enough; feel free to assume things until then.

i am just now getting over that party. my legs and back do not ache, anymore. i am not seeing double from the weed fumes in the air. no nasty boy is behind me, whispering for my number. that half-gallon of apple juice that amber walked out of the place with at my request is all consumed. spent last night bowling gutter balls at Paradise with amber and megan, who says that i sound like michael jackson. now, i am idle, loving the new software i downloaded for my PC.

friday on the way home, d'raey says that he has never told me before, but that i am really cute. not true; d'raey is one of my better guy friends and will tell me that i am attractive at the drop of a hat, if need be; but as you have guessed, this was different. he asked for my number and asked if he could call or come over some time.

voila, my big scandal. nothing is certain yet, especially my own feelings. i would appreciate if this was not in everyone's ear at school's return, but i make no commands.

bonsoir.

spring break.

some kinda break. i am not too keen on this whole long novella reading for a grade. hopefully it will be good, and as always, Brierly for President!
have a returning family member: Buffy. obviously, i named her when we first got her; i can't remember back that far. she is a lovely golden cocker spaniel, like the female in "The Lady and the Tramp" Disney movie. Toffe [the cat that you did NOT throw into the air, X] is miserable and terrified. hopefuly, the two will be friends soon.
maybe when i am feeling more settled, i will post about the party i attended au vendredi, where i got high from the traces of dope smoke in the air and how amber and i stole a gallon of apple juice.
and before i go,
~IE is a piece of crapware, wooo, Opera!
~and free ISPs are ace!

not in the mood, so trifles.

i'm not much in the mood for typing, but what exactly have i been slacking to publish to cyberspace lately?
my mother is the victim of the funniest malaprop EVER. she confused "emaciated" with "emancipated." imagine the uncontrollable laughter that day.
MHS is the state champ for the 5A basketball tournament. Xtina saw me on T.V. at the game and said that i was pretty. been rejected by a geeky-looking white guy. i should really just quit for a while. lonely as ever, if not more so. i honestly have no one that i can just match minds with. the little that i had wanted is flown from me.
other trifles:
my new hairdo makes me look like a "mushroom." i have been invited to act in a porno. i lost my pencil eyeliner and now have to paint on my eyebrows with a mascara brush; very tricky.
very early, yet very sleepy. very depressed.
shall listen to some Placebo, or something.