wee! zombies!

im listening to the cranberries' "zombie" and screaming the lyrics out until my brothers and mom are annoyed and distracted from watching something on television about zombies. coincidence of coincidences?

it's been some time now since kareah picked up the phone when i called larry last. what does this mean? me and the bestie figured it out:
don't call the ex who is debatably undeserving of the sunshine that hits his ass in the mornings. throw kareah's shit away maybe since she and larry are obviously not interested in getting it back. DO NOT risk jail by egging and keying a car, slashing tires, blah blah blah. DO NOT even feel bad about a second of the past years' incidences because, darling, my life is fabulous, i'm beautiful and intelligent, i have a bunch of lovely friends who adore the real me, an Olympic competitor and doctorate student flirts with me, i'm NOT a druggie criminal doomed to being a poor teacher in this state, i'm not a poser barber with artistic dreams that are always going to be dreams. i am, however, a premedical student who doesn't wear pajamas, knows the worth of myself and people that i am in relationships with, will not put them in car accident and not care, will defend them from their debtors, etc.--am surely destined for some greatness [or else all of this shit wouldn't have happened only for me to emerge from it UNSCATHED]...

yeah, i love her. i love myself even more now!

actually, scratch all of those sarcastic comments / badly disguised insults. nothing but the best for larry, kareah, all of them whom i prolly should be hating. haha!..

i love these little weave combs that i made myself and installed on my head. they're really natural-looking. only thing is that they're too short. only come down a few inches down my back when my real hair is already there. have to save up for some longer, yaki weave. am using the current combs mostly for thickness and the stares that your boyfriend/brother gives me when i walk by.

W. told me that he smokes, which is bad for me because i quit, but the idea is still tempting to my body, especially when i'm stressed, as i have been recently. decided to not do the Hooters thing again, even if my family could use the money. can't sell plasma because im too anemic. anemic to the point of vampirism. and on that note, watch out before you're bitten.

ciao.

whatever, bitch[es].

im so stupid and am having some sour luck because this is the second time that i'm trying to publish this post. i fucking called him i called larry and some [im assuming] woman picked up. didnt say anything, though. all i heard was larry yell at [perhaps] her, "no!"

offensive, disrespectful, confusing, devastating when i need it least. went to walmart in my leggings not to let the old men who work there stare me down and say, "Jesuss..."

i have a vague coffee date tomorrow.

im so fucking stupid. i fucking called him and some [im assuming] woman picked up. didn't say anything, though. all i heard was larry yell at her, "no!"

offensive, sad, confusing, devastating when i need it least. went to walmart in my leggings and let the old men working there stare at my ass and say "Jesus.."

have a vague coffee date tomorrow.

my last orgasm.

my buddy X really needs to stop posting about the girl she is fucking.. i just had an awesome [wet] dream about some naked Asian girl last week. i finished so strongly, it gave me menstrual cramps.

not a lesbian, just missing the action. yeah, "whatever," you may say. i'm not smart enough to be a lesbian and bisexuality only comes to me in my dreams or at a really high BAC.

:)

i think i have a date set up for tomorrow, actually, later today! i just have to relate how glad i am that my nails are long, golden, and sparkly. my makeup will be immaculate so that my eyes seem extra endless and luxe, dark. my hair.. i think that i'm going to style my real hair into some seductive updo. i have shaven limbs, lots of sparkles for my body, and breezy dresses and skirts!

still don't like the skank, but my bro's happiness is first, even if it's wrongly secured.

i could punch that skank-ho in her face.

seriously, yo guys in a Homestarrunner-esque way. this post is going to be long, only because i have more to say than how much i love/hate your mother.

today was the occasion of my little bros' class day ceremony. it was ghetto-fabulous: full of mothers in read weaves, cat calls and hollering, constant camera flash, and vague accomplishments of the maybe graduates along the lines of, "he's active in church and loves his mother!" even "he loves to eat!" my bros were no exception; maybe even the worst of the worst of the day. no matter; they made it! or maybe.. half of the so-called senior class is failing. i wont go and compare it all to MY OWN high school days [ROLL BLUE!], because there is NO comparison and it evades my issue for expressing.

so the massacre of ceremony ends and i run away to find my bros. one is eating cookies from the recessional and fraternizing with his geek friends, the other is surely off flirting with some undeserving, gold-digging whore. my suspicions were confirmed and i found him with the skank-ho.
---------------------------
background about the skank-ho:
-she is set on not dating my brother. when she had a boyfriend, my bro was stupid enough to put his life in danger and see the girl because he loves her. buy her real jewelry, take her out all across town, and find other ways to giver her our money that should be conserved for rent, gas, food, etc. she would of course accept the the attention and never made a move towards breaking up with her then-boyfriend, even if she admitted that he wasn't treating her right! now that she doesn't have a boyfriend, the girl, still uses my brother for his compassion and cash and doesn't commit and make it official. keeps him close enough to hurt him and make him pay for shit. she's a whore and my bro is stupid. i have to watch my little bro deal with this confusion and angst EVERY DAY... who knows how many times he's cried?.. it's a common game and i don't hate a woman for pulling it--just don't do it to MY little bro.
---------------------------
in the mix of other dumbass maybe graduates, she [skank] keeps her distance from me [smart girl] and i realized that when i looked up she was not only holding my cell phone that i had let my bro borrow, but she was actually talking on it!!!! putting her bad skin and makeup on the buttons and doing that annoying thing where you hold the phone and move it from your mouth to your ear constantly when you talk. it was SO not a weekend and i don't know if she was calling an ATT user, or not... i got pissed and yelled to my bro, "i don't want her using my phone! give me my phone back." the girl obviously got the message and froze in a loss for a next move. i didn't have my phone back in the next seconds, so i got between the two, waited for her to complete her call over her shoulder, allowed to bro to take the phone back, and SNATCHED it from his hands.

also, before leaving i let it known that he doesn't need to let his "little friends" use my property because he and they, especially don't pay for it--all while she was standing next to him. and this occurred only after i stared her up and down and gave her a handful of eye rolls. at least i didn't follow my deepest desires and yank her hair around so that her head whips around to my face.. and give her a good, long look in the eyes. "you, bitch.. don't pull this with mine. he's stupid and you stink."

i eventually apologized for embarrassing my brother and making him feel small. i even considered apologizing to the skank to her face.. see the thing is, i know how it felt when laurie, larry's sister, never liked me, disrespected me and larry, and eventually tried to fight me. nevermind what larry didn't do to fix it when i did nothing wrong at first. i just know that it wasn't a good feeling.. even my idiot bro recognized my vice and felt offended that i would treat the lady that he loves like that. hmmmm... and she doesn't even love my brother back! with me and the ex, i was INFATUATED with him. i loved him, wanted to marry him, all of that and look what he did for me. just an example of how i know that my standards aren't crazy. if a dumbass knows right from wrong, how smart is someone who can disagree and then rationalize the bullshit?

i love my brother and i dont appreciate what the skank is doing. i loved larry and his sister just didn't like me because i loved him madly in my own way. but this isn't a post about him or his sister and her bastard baby. this is me and my account of me. this is me, so it's truth.

clicking the Publish button now.

puppy/bitch.

as much as i'd love for my every post here at TPPP to be all vanity and full of nothing but the triumphs in my life, reality doesn't mimic, so i have to type [unfortunately] what resembles a REAL condition. and REALITY isn't all that sparkly and wine-flavored all of the time. .

i know that i joke with the 'rents and with anyone else who will listen about how "grown" i am. "i'm a grown-ass woman..." and all that rot. but right now, i i haven't earned the credit to say so truthfully before now, i have that credit TODAY. mommy is disabled and she allows her body to become increasingly worse. she is more inactive, diabetic, over weight.. and then there is more room for me to step in. all of this superwoman role is going on while in their [my mother and family members'] eyesight, i'm still a puppy. still a puppy who has to do all of the unwanted duties at odd hours in the morning because everyone is sleepy. a puppy who has to find her absolute own way to some health coverage before a current condition will give her systematic syndrome... i've needed insurance for years and if it's my family's wish for me to not be back at Hooters, then they need to provide it! literal years have passed and the issue has been blamed on either parent by each other... and i up and show mommy an application for insurance last night, telling her that i'm handling the situation for myself because i am so concerned and that no one is going to be more concerned than me, thankyouverymuch--she just says... whatever. no matter what my mother's flaws are, i'm not airing them because i still respect her a helluva LOT more than any of you fuckers.

not going into details about how much further adult that i have to be these days. i just want a tiny record of it. don't think that i'm such a baby anymore. or at least, if i must be a baby, i'm one who knows the value of a few much-needed months of health coverage. one who doesn't mind earning her place in life.

on a bit lighter note!
i've made some solid plans to start on my book/novella, whatever it shall become. how exciting is that?! i've been talking to my characters in my dreams and my thoughts more and more often and things are coming together; i don't know what they were waiting for. AND i've found my inyanla vanzant book! i haven't seen it in months!

well, i'm off to my little bros' class day and to the regional office. hopefully to a doctor tomorrow! and, perhaps, the arms of some deserving, handsome man with a degree soon enough?

DAMN, i'm SO tired of hearing "Bleeding Love" in the mornings. gotta watch more alternative music TV.
-ciao.

new "Walking Tunes" playlist

1) apc-weak and powerless
2) miley cyrus- start all over
3) britney spears-piece of me
4) the veronicas-untouched
5) aly and aj-the potential beakup song
6) garbage-stupid girl
7) gabage-cherry lips
8) no doubt-i'm just a girl
9) no doubt-ex girlfriend
10) no doubt-don't speak
11) no doubt-it's my life
12) pink-u + ur hand
13) ramones-havana affair
14) rhcp-havana affair
15) acdc-you shook me all night long
16) bon jovi-you give love a bad name
17) bon jovi-livin' on a prayer
18) bon jovi-wanted dead or alive
19) foreigner-cold as ice
20) foreigner-i wanna know what love is

rabies!

someone liken me to a stone-cold maiden who delights in turning down men's proposals on a daily basis..

i cannot completely expose how many unwanted approaches that i've experienced. here is one just now... hold on. only interested in my night life, how often i party.. always telling me that they have a pocketfull of cash waiting for me.. even the man from church who calls me his "lil sis" is asking to take me for drinks. it all becomes very flattering and i forget if i am mad or elated because larry quit me.

should i go for drinks with a church deacon? should i head to birmingham for a weekend pf partying with my girlfriend? what color pumps to pair with my little black dress?.. these are the thoughts plaguing my mind, and i tell you, it's delicious.

goodness this post will be forever being published because i'm way too popular for my own good! all the popularity and not any good food to eat. story of my life. can't go back to Hooters for a job because it's disgraceful for a physician to have strutted around in the orange and white [i disagree; loved every minute of it]. so now i'm very broke and giving myself an accidental eating disorder.

haha, this guy just asked me if i am going out friday. I'M NOT COMING BACK HOME FRIDAY! but back to the substantial..... CRAP what is it that i had meant to say?! something of substance, perhaps to do with my father or men in general? maybe a prayer or a verse that i found in the Bible or the Koran someplace? prove to some person sitting across their computer screen that i have a pretty face and an actual, functional brain under my wig? deploring that you acknowledge so?......

see you around town this weekend when i will be rampaging in the streets like a rabid dog.

i really wanna fuck somethin'.

haha. that's the college girl syndrome escaping me. i love it when men are men, when there is good music playing, and when i remember that i have a receptive vagina.

i'm back home for summer! what does it mean? you tell me.. prolly lots of illegal stuff and tiring drama.

right now, i'm enjoying some good music and comfortable furniture. also, i'm having some good conversation with the steam cleaner guy, W. i have post about the "date" we had when my claws aren't as long. it was cute; he was cute. i ate popcorn [more than he did, actually] and laughed my ass off at a funny movie with glitter between my thighs.

biologie finals!!! ridalin!!! i have Paris Hilton eye! it's becoming increasingly severe with the passing hour. scary, folks--and way hideous. i'll be back home tomorrow in the Great State of Somewhere. buy me a case of beer and i'll make your place my home. let's fall in love.

no do rags and romance.

"Cherry had a gun pulled on her in the woods with that crazy whore Kareah and Larry wasn't even concerned or angry? Thank goodness they're broken up!"

haha. seriously, though. not here to bitch [right now]. i just have to say that i have the coolest tante in the world. i got all dolled up today against my wishes. mom really couldn't stand to see me wear the do-rag out of the house, so i opted for a nice, slick ponytail [that's getting ever farther down my back ;)] and a cute, flirty top. hop in the car for a bit of morning riding. there were comic book shops to hit up with my brothers. before i even get a chance to leave this side of town, my aunt calls and says that she wants me to meet someone and i think that she's crazy because i know that the carpet is being steam cleaned today, so whatever.

i get there, and sure enough, there are tubes falling out of the threshold with enormous sound and the carpet is all wet. i barely take off my shoes and my outrageous aunt hands me a folded paper with a number written in it. "here you go, niecie!" i read the name there before she even speaks it to me. everyone in the house is all giggly and smiling. it's an arranged marriage, already.

i look up and the guy steaming the carpet is a really cute man. he has a gorgeous face and long twists down his back. nice, nice smile and big pretty eyes. nice biceps! he had my number for a while [as in, like, the moment he asked about my photo]. i'll backtrack:

apparently, the steam cleaners [the guy and his mom] had arrived and were making conversation with my aunt and all. the guy let it slip that he was a young man with no tacky girlfriends and NO babies, which is always good! my aunt that that this was a near miracle for males of this generation and was becoming increasingly in love with his eyes and showed him and his mother a picture of myself because she thought that he simply HAD to meet me [on my way to go look at comics]. thank goodness my hair wasn't in that rag! the guy looks at the professionally taken photo and goes, "that's not a real photo! that's one of the pictures that comes with the frame when you buy it!" how cute. i come into the house minutes later and voila--i'm all real. his mom whispered to him, "i told you, she's pretty." i laughed and told her that yeah, your son is cute, too.

so there has been an old fashioned, arranged hook up for me. i think i win because when i tell you that the man is gorgeous, BELIEVE it. he must also have a wonderful relationship with his mother, which is noting short of a blessed change for me, AND he has a job which means nothing more than a sandwich every now and then [is that so much to ask for?] :)

now my grandmother, aunt, mouther, little cousins, and the friendly neighborhood steamer are all smiling and anticipating what will happen next! there's already talk of future events. went by a wedding shop on the way to the comics and all of the dresses were on sale for $40! i know! fourty bucks for a wedding gown!! they were all pearly and daintily shimmering in the pink lights. that's my type of frugality. if the shop hadn't been closing, i would have gone in, tried a few on, and purchased one just to hold on to it for a while until the big day [whoever it will be with--NOT larry.]. how awesome! that's not to say that i'm entertaining marrying some new Prince Charming that i've just met. that's not to say that i even LIKE this kid or that i want to see him again. it's just funny the way life works, and like momma said, "you dont get a second chance for a first impression."

so no more do-rags.