new boyfriend.

il n'est plus mon petit ami.
eating organic mac and cheese like it's good. listening to aerosmith. smoking whatever i found in the bottom of my purse.

i miss my friends. O and S are my heart and it kills me to be away from people who really touch my soul like that. i love them. i miss smoking at Cups. i miss turning cartwheels in the courtyard. i miss gossip and drama. i miss genuine friendship that can't be broken with time. the friendship that makes you cry when a good song comes on, not just a sad one.

i was Cryin just to get you, now i'm Dyin cause i let you

this has been an excuse to do something i never should have stopped doing. i need to follow up with my prescription. i have a condition and i can't feel better unless i do something about it. i need my pills. i need to be a stronger person.

but am i beautiful person? i'm i good enough for anything. is it OK to not feel good enough right now? what excuses can i offer for my weaknesses? i simply freaks me out that i used to cut myself when i felt like this. it freaks me out that i might not have the help i need right now to keep me out of such trouble .

this is ridiculous what my heart is doing to me, because you better believe it--it is my heart that is involved. i don't fucking tell people that i'm falling in love to just leave them later. but, yeah we have a different definition of love and everything. of course. and even care is a multifaceted word. but this a multifaceted world and who is to say that we were meant to be together? i know.

the one person that i can't separate myself from is myself, though.