ll [like the beastie boys].

i swear that i need some sort of energy supplement right now. i'm typing with more tobacco and poison in my lungs and blood instead of oxygen. haha, chemistry! i'm buzzed off of my ass and i'm shaking so that every word that i type is tpyo. this has been the first and partial "week" of classes. and i skipped half of those. tonight will consist of drinking and partying with one of my friends who is trying to get into a frat and more people who just want to get drunk.

this is a really weird situation that i'm in in life. but then again, i'm growing and transitioning into a monster, so it is all sure to be weird for days, for days, for days. tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. gosh, i LOVE that speech!
my intestines are cringing from the caffeine.

you know, last night with the boyfriend was very uncomfortable. i shouldn't really spend every night with him is what my better judgment tells me.
i'll backtrack.

i said the huge L word. it just slipped out. i hadn't planned on it. it is still subconsciously true and he couldn't reciprocate in NEARLY the way that i had hoped for. epic FAIL. and now whenever we're together very closely there is a hesitating that really rubs me wrongly. i try and try and try to do my best to be a good girlfriend because everyone needs support in the weird times and it just.. i don't know what else to do. i WON'T stop trying, you know. but how can i keep trying without grating my own nerves? it's a fragile chemical equation, a logarithmic scale, calculus.

he won't buy the cow if he gets the milk for free and this cigarette has made me very ill.