summer days, drifting away...

i'll try not to make this summer like the last, during which i only posted twice, so here's a first.

nothing is changing. i still hate people and their tendency to fail me over and over again. i'm sick of having my courtesy taken for granted. the only bright light i have is antonio, but more on him later.

i had the most horrible nightmare last night. i'll be frank; larry was in it. i woke up deeply disturbed and covered in cold sweat. all i could do was moan because i felt so sick. where in the Hell did that come from?

now for reality:
haven't talked to chris lately. hmmm. i miss seeing her everyday. i have very few friends, and this upcoming camp where i'm supposed to be bonding with the other cheerleaders is going to kill me, unless i talk to X some.

i can just feel it in my bones--amber may be my roommate, but she's going to desert me, generally, and this i know. if given the choice, amber would choose to spend her time with a number of people on the squad other than myself. i've never felt so wronged. i would rather have amber with me than anyone on that damned squad, but that's just me. I CHERISH MY FRIENDS. if you're my friend, you're in a good place. obviously, she doesn't feel the same, so i won't fret.

nobody loves me....

that was an exaggeration, but i really am running low on friends these days.

antonio is great. in an effort to not type a million pages, i'm going to ask my readers to suffer through lots of courte, short writing. I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM. we've had a lot of disagreements over morals, but overall, antonio and i are great together. he is a supermodel to observers but when we're together, he'll joke about lame stuff that we both secretly love: Inuyasha and other anime/manga. SHHHH... No other boyfriend that i had made bets with me over who drew the best manga! he's great!

as for the disagreements, there have been plenty, and i won't type all of that down. [talk to me personally for specifics, if you care] but the clincher--what we all feared would happen, what many pushed into my head, and what i kind of always knew would occur--finally has happened. HE SHOVED ME. he is very physical and did many things that i didn't like, including pulling me around like a dog. we've talked it over, and i can only hope that it is resolved. we're great now, really. he's even been teasing about a ring and all.

next post: sometime after cheerleading camp. get off the computer and do your summer reading!