silver lining.

here is what i was going to post yesterday. i din't quite finish, but that is okay [saved as gatsby.txt].

i've just finished having an hour-long discussion with my mother. largely, what we talked about [paraphrased and dripping in my famous sarcasm and bitterness] was how it is a fact that love can really suck. i hate love right now. while i wait by the phone like the pathetic, sad little girl that i am on the inside for larry to call [only to get hurt when he doesn't], larry doesn't put his life on hold for me. he goes for days without calling, and when he does, he often lies with an 'i'll call you back,' because someone else [maybe even a girl] wants to talk to him, too.

it's quite fucked up [pardon my french], but no matter how deeply, truly, and with what fervent madness you love someone, you cannot make them love you back. two years of my life are gone due to a failed battle with this little lesson. i'm really disappointed in myself for it all, but then again, i'm not knotted up inside my belly and crying blood [figuratively] every night. i'm actually quite proud of myself for getting through this malady with a level head, no matter how dark my outlook is. it is quite a feat, if you don't know!

well, i'm not looking back anymore. i will not say how sad all of this is, or how much time i have wasted, or how many tears i have cried, or how much simpler and easier on my heart it would have been if the damned boy had been in love with me. i don't get religious often, and reading A Prayer for Owen Meany doesn't help...


don't you just wish i could have just finished it last night?! well, all of that has flown from me. to exist up to the title, here is the real silver lining.

BC : i hate brierly
rouge_rhapsody: you must die now.
rouge_rhapsody: brierly for president!
BC : i think you are the black brierly
BC : mini her in a different flesh
rouge_rhapsody: lol
rouge_rhapsody: YAY!

times like these that make me love life sans any boy. i din't think it was possible!