you could be my best friend if:

you actually have a favorite author [who writes "capital L" literature]
your cat is higher on the social ladder than you [how can it NOT be, actually?]
you could honestly live without a television and not feel as if you have lost a limb
you catch yourself frowning and/or drooling at male strangers for some vague reason that you can't quite put your finger on
your dreams indicate that something is severely wrong. period.
you have very little common sense
glaring grammar fuckeries kill you a little on the inside
you can be difficult to be around because it's your choice
you're grown-as-fuck and still manage to ruin a pair of drawers during your lady days.
you're a beautiful person but your looks have way lower priority than nurturing your mind.