sugar for sex; we played chess.

the title sums up my weekend in a rush. went home for some rehabilitation and tearful prayers and fried fish. i scraped a beguiling pathogen from the roof of my significant other's mouth and now my stomach is being violent like his was being a week ago. in my opinion, we all need a stomach virus to sit us down and remind us to pause, think, and wash our hands after using the toilet.

instead of blogging, i've been holding back vomit, been writing, been saying "Alleluia" with my grandmother and my aunt after medication. when is Spring Break? when did i fail at being fabulous?

no, i actually feel fine now. i really do. anytime i feel my depression taking a down cycle, i have my resources that i fall back on to keep me afloat and it's nice! not trying to preach to you here, but The Serenity Prayer is great to pray or just say to yourself. also, John 14 is honey.

i have to study, as always. surely when these cooties have run their course, i can get back to my senses. use Lysol! use soap! don't eat unwashed food or kiss your germy manfriend too deeply even if his eyes are blue!

freaking out!

these are the days that make me question why i want to be a smarty-pants. sorry for not blogging, commenting, hanging out in cyberspace as usual. but my research based cell bio class is a pain in the ass and in the head. i'll get back to normal after this exam in the morning (and i have lots to blog about). 'till then, im here in the library with a buddy holding my head and eating a textbook or two. wish me luck! wish me no sleep!

crushes and a survey.

cherry here, reminding the readers that this blog can sometimes be reduced to nothing but an ornamented tribute to her ego [and her libido. look at Mr. Glover there!]

this is a survey that i ripped from a friend, Bookish.Spazz, who surely ripped it from elsewhere and whatnot. pass it along! i've already seen it several times and the answers are all so interesting. here are my own:

If a significant other broke up with you, what Artist/Band would you blast from your radio and why?

-i would so blast Placebo. they're a pop band, but they are divine! they're known as Britain's dirtiest band and the lyrics are sexually charged and full of angst, medication, and makeup. that's the perfect equation, if you ask me!

"Every step that's synchronized, every broken bone / Reminds me of the seventh time / That I followed you home."

What piece of literature poetry/story (songs don't count) is your favourite, and which is your least favourite?  Why?

-Fave: The Lord of the Rings because completing it is like my trophy. it's so darn long and i have a soft spot for fiction, fairy tales, and elves who look like Orlando Bloom, i imagine. 

Least Fave: The Heart of Darkness because i don't like people exploiting Africa, even if the product is only a book. and maybe my teacher did a bad job of teaching this one.

Do you think Vegetarianism is an ideal way of life?

-i've tried it at least once, so i obviously think that vegetarianism is admirable for some reason. i don't bother to do it now; it's not really practical for me. but i think that it can be a good choice for anyone if they choose to do so. just watch the protein intake--take vitamins and eat lots of nuts and such.

What do you look for in potential friends (qualities, looks, etc.)?

-a vibe. all of my worthy friends have an eccentric vibe that i have picked up on. we mesh with values and beliefs. we're opinionated and zealous. we love value, not price. we read capital-L Literature, not smut by Zane. we are all cosmopolitan with huge vocabularies and scandalous stories to tell. looks are definitely not important. most of my friends are the aloof, intelligent type who are really sweet as can be. i don't click well with superficial types or dramatic ones. and obvious mental disorders are a no-no: i can't be in the same room with a bipolar person or someone with ADD [and this is coming from a crazy girl]. if i think that you're crazy--you're really fucked.

What is your personal opinion of what a life goal should be?

-a life goal should be something that one does entirely for themselves. it should not be influenced in any way by another person or another force. it should be based in happiness and it should be huge! a life goal is something that you shouldn't have to explain to someone or need to have validated and accepted. there should also be no misgivings. simple contentment isn't a life goal reached. comfort and habit isn't anything! just because you're comfortable under the bridge and happy even when you're poor doesn't mean that you need to stop setting goals. i once was content with cigarettes, but a life goal of mine is to never stop quitting.

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and on the other hand, today has been unusually cold for this part of the South, which means the weather finally dipped below 70 degrees. i was chic in my black velveteen blazer with my messy hair tucked in, and enjoying what is to me the first taste of true autumn weather! and i have declared this the perfect "boyfriend and soup" kind of weather. wha? you ask? i mean that this weather is perfect for hugging up with a nice tall boy who walks you to class and who drives you to a cafe or a nice deli for dinner.

and now my imagination is running away with me and all i can picture is Crispin Glover. he's my current obsession/crush. endure for a moment: he's so beautiful! and he's absolutely out of his mind because he is so brilliant! he's not cocky or even socially accepted like other celebrities. he does weird roles, like Grendel and Willard. he can capture creepiness so well and i just want to bite his nose, really. spread him on a cracker [or my mattress] and eat him alive.

wow. i really needed to get that out. so, now that that's out of my system [i need help], you go ahead and give me a list of some other pretty boys and girls that you all have crushes on and tell me why. are they pretty? smart? have really nice platform boots? 

i ♥ autumn.

this is indeed again the hackneyed "i ♥ the fall" post that i drabble out every year. this one will be in which i fail at connecting all of my favorite things, which are all conveniently linked during this wonderful time of year. 

despite my being a damned Yankee, there is still some salvation in this time of year for me. the weather is finally dipping below 80 degrees; 78 does count, doesn't it? when there is a wind, it's lovely. i swear that October has the best wind.. the evenings are more beautiful. the moon is more round and mysterious than ever. makes you understand why it's likened to a woman--its article in other languages is feminine and i know why when i just look up. i can snuggle up in toe socks and watch all of my favorite Halloween movies for nights in a row. there is the sate fair back home, there's my birthday, and of course--there's my favorite night of the whole year!

i should really do the Anne Rice Vampire Lestat Fan Club Ball this year. i swear, for one of her biggest fans, i never used my proximity to NOLA to my advantage.  gosh, it would be nice to finally maybe meet her and have her sign one of the many, many books of hers that i've managed to collect in the last five or so years. i need to dust off my 18th century vampire costume and meet some of the other coolest people on the planet  for an evening of fangs and and photos. Anne Rice is good vampire literature. After Stoker comes Rice, but I'm going to get into Twilight soon, i promise. i hear that it's amazing.

as for the actual DAY [or night] that is most important this month, im getting a little anxious. i'm not at home to go all out with decor and i don't know the first thing to do with my apartment. i still don't have a costume!!! what about The Rocky Horror Picture Show? what am i wearing then? yeah, i'm still female under all of my androgen. okay, Harley Quinn for Halloween and Miranda for the RHPS? a Transylvanian, perhaps? oh, Rocky.. a bonfire this year? a house party?

yeah, i'm having a geek-out. deal with it. i have to watch Tim Burton's Nightmare at least once. i also wouldn't mind Beetlejuice, Batman, etc.  i have to support my favorite producer / director. you should come over! i have the most random, yet amazing string of movie nights, ever. and the weather is so perfect for having a boy to wrap his arms around you and buy you coffee!! [i just met a beautiful boy who lives across from me. he called me ma'am when he held the door open for me.. he's a southern gentleman and not a bigot, but i usually go for taller ones, though. ]

screw that! i can wrap my arms around myself and make my own coffee! it's got to be this October moon getting to me!

Lestat et Louis speak the truth!

comfortable here.

i'm so... COMFY now; comfy to the point of unfamiliarity here in my depeche mode, "hurry up and get into the university groove again" phase. and i know, it's a weird statement, and an even weirder place to be, trust me. it's indeed a challenge to wrap my mind around, to conceptualize. i've got an inkling of an idea of what i mean, so it transcends idea into a place of being. it exists; it's fact. i just can't make it materialize into coherence! a challenge that i'm going to run with just now.

i have all of my text books, which may not register as an issue to persons not in university. i'll explain. i'm taking some real "big girl" courses and there is absolutely NO public funding for me to pay $150 [at least] per medical text, per lab manual, per PDR, per whatever! and thank goodness i haven't gone through any REAL struggle when it came to going about paying several hundreds of dollars for these big scary books. hell, some students have to get jobs. i've been prettily sitting on my ass and being a good person because i'm blessed enough to not have to struggle for my education! yay for that! and now that i have all of this heavy study material [and am so glad about it], i have absolutely no choice but to "hit the books" and study my grateful ass of for my exams and such. i've got materials AND motivation.

i should really take the camera tomorrow and do a photo tour of my life. shots of my apartment, spots around the campus, my hangouts in the town, etc. it's so great: domestically, my life is well situated and well decorated. the apartment is so cute and full of exactly what i need. socially, my life is in similar form. there is an almost visible radius of youthful fabulousness wafting around in my daily life. i'm actually becoming friends with more and more ladies. gee, it's nice to be around people who aren't [too] crazy and have some sort of grip on their lives! ladies who can fill their time with all of the crazy fun i adore while we all keep an adult hold on the situation. Upscale bars and ska shows, anyone? and the gentlemen are great. i've got the set of chill fellows i hang out with for the movie theatre and for dinner, and a lot more still who would make such a good son-in-law for my momma. and don't even get me started on the guy who looks like Heath Ledger from the 10 Things movie!.. but i'm still single right now. yep yep yep. maybe not for much longer; it's all up to me. but, enough of that; only boring girls can only spend their time talking about boys!

but back to me being comfy. i'm just SO content.. i'm not wanting anything. no materials, no people--i'm just great. and i'm not saying that i'm a minimalist. i need way more than two glasses in my cabinet, thankyouverymuch. i'm not a fan of living like a bum only very recently removed from his cardboard box into a real property. it's just that i am in possession ALL of my necessities and then even more great stuff! woo! i'm so content, i repeat. all of my and my family's hard work is paying off--and not just for me. the folks back home are prospering, too. [:D]

i have seriously just dedicated a post to waxing [squeeing] about how great my life is right now. sorry.

nah, not really!

holiday hurricane.

my geek flag has been flying high these days. i've whored out my bank account at the comic shop just like it's been wanting. bought The Killing Joke Deluxe Edition. it'll do for now until i can get my hands on an earlier printing from my birth year [!] . those things can get up to be hundreds of dollars, i think.



that's me holding and showing Joker some love, which im sure he just adores.



you know what they say about guys and big noses. Mistah J? i want.



oh, yeah. i've put some color in my head. after all of the hints towards finally changing it up a bit, i have a lighter thing going on. i perceive it as a kind of red blond color:

and as we all now, this past weekend was a special one because it was indeed a holiday weekend AND a hurricane weekend, also. i'm assuming N.O.'s hurricane evacuation routes lead drivers straight to my hometown because the city was filled with strangers. there were strange accents, faces, and weird buying behavior. i promise: folks were buying cases of water and toilet tissue AND cases of Coors Light. hmm. i have some photos snapped of the lunacy [fun] and i'll prolly post a pic or two later. i'm not polite and i don't blur faces or hide ugly candids. not that i purposefully try to go after things like that, though.

i have an ego, but still no cash.

i'm envisioning some wavy hair extensions. i'm not talking about a full head of sewn-in tracks here, like i sported on campus the whole time last academic year. i'm more interested in exposing my real hair, which is really long now due to the extreme weaving, and i just wanna enhance the back with some texture that i don't have to manage with a curling iron everday. i'm talking a pack of eight-dollar plastic hair and maybe two tracks worth of enhancing. i just don't wanna disappoint a certain someone who is used to seeing me in a full wig in pictures. damnit me for the glitter-glam keep up!

i've just re-discovered how much my ego eats it up when someone calls me "dollface." men and women alike have called me this before and i swear that it's like a new orgasm every time it passes someone's lips to my ears.

in other news, i'm broke-as-fuck, but i still have this annoying desire to go accessories shopping. i want a new oversize bag that can do for books and whatever college life throws at me. cool prints and sophisticated style are a plus. nothing expensive in mind. actually Wal-Mart has been good about furnishing my tastes and leaving a purpose for my wallet. there are these adorable little scarf head bands there...

i made a pink little link button. it's in the menu to the left under "TPPP" heading, appropriately. take it and plug me if you love me or hate me. just don't direct link and be aware that i have occasionally changed domain names in the past. "cherry" has been a presence on the web since before Movable Type was news, so she's not going anywhere too far for a long time and you love it. wonder if i should give kareah a heads up? she's prolly already had a look here. i can almost guarantee it, actually. it would just make sense to do a link exchange with her. or anyone. i'm looking to build my blogroll! any interested folks lemme know!

sigh, i'll be back to mis-managing my life on my own out-of-state soon. but hopefully, i'll have a special friend who makes passing time a little more interesting, if not pleasant like junior high crushes and rolling around in the carpet with older boys wearing spicy cologne. pleasant like teaching yourself how to smoke for the one night when you're so drunk that you absolutely NEED about three cigarettes to tilt your mind into a levelness. pleasant like losing your virginity and no one dying from it.

i promise that i had a purpose before i started typing. i just promise. but it evades me now for some reason.

oh, that's it.

but i'm not gonna combine something completely abstract and spiritual with random references to orgasms and trendy, oversize bags. i hope i don't forget to post about that because spiritually profound moments have been happening with a frequency very recently. i can't recall this from any other time.

"larry" txted my phone, or at least someone who had his phone at the moment txted me with "How u been?" when i tried to call back, though, i got some suspicious and lame-ass sounding excuse / lie about the phone being wet and that a txt would be the only way to communicate. i was disgusted by this point and had even forgot what i was going to say, so i very lamely told "larry" to go on with his life like i was doing and that i don't know why his number wasn't blocked from contacting me. whatever, dudes. it is written.

i know that this is the third reference to my hair in a few posts, but i'm going to take some vanity shots of myself with my new do when it's completed for entertainment purposes. haha, and hopefully some silly shots of around-campus lounging are coming more-than-likely while classes aren't difficult to the point of tears. "i don't wanna grow up," says the girl who is already quickly passing the acquired medical knowledge of her mother and aunt combined who are nurses in her home state. i'm still a kid, but i'll be wearing scrubs soon. i'm a child, but i know how to do a bacterial transformation and anatomical jargon is second nature to me.

anyways. i've updated my fiction blog and transferred it all to a more secure server. it's coming nicely. i surprise myself when i review what comes out of my mind at any time. it's all so personal and i can even make it art. i can even make it beautiful.

my bitch-ass family goodness.

so, i've pretty much got to find something to do today. i don't have chemistry lab and gas money isn't an issue because hey, you live once. wow! i have a 20% off Borders coupon in my email. i think i know who's going down Lakeland!

a girl, via facebook messenger, told me last night that she was inspired to start blogging because of me. you know, i think about that and i go "how cool!" because it really is! i inspire people?! how about that! and yeah, i feel extra chipper today for some reason.

actually, i know the exact reason. i believe that God [not gonna preach to ya] leaves our parents or other annoying, wise people around on earth for a reason. yeah, we want to hit them in the face for always drilling their advice into our skulls, but [and i'm gonna be a little morbid here, yeesss!] there has to be a reason that they're not dead, yet, right?

seriously. with all of the people that just die, literally blown up off of the face of the earth at any time, why is my old nagging grandmother still around to nag me? why is my handicapped mother still here bitching at me? why is your bitch-ass mother still around?

i'm not saying that they're flawless and the types of characters you see in movies. hell, my folks are far from that. in fact, most of what my mother tells me is actually just bitching. but you know, sometimes, when i ask for it and when i need it most, she's there to keep me from doing the absolutely wrong thing. when i'm crying because life doesn't make sense, my old grandmother is there to help me put things into perspective, because she has lived it before [a few times] and she is on a different level from me and can be personal and objective at the same time. and i LOVE my strong, wise bitch-ass female family members for what they have instilled me with to this day.

not saying that i especially needed it today. i'm glad to say that i'm getting really good at managing my own chaos and fighting my own demons, but i appreciate their presence so much, i can't even describe. i'm not going to complian about them anymore. they have their purposes with me and i'm going to let them have that.

wonder what book i'll end up buying today? suggestions?

forgive me.

it's been pretty much a year of me blogging here and i can't fucking believe that i have had sooo much free time, or at least, made such free time for myself when i have other very pressing duties always coming up and blighting my life. i suppose there is always time for contemplation; thinking is something that i value highly, so of course i can blog when i really should be checking on my summer classes or trying to get to a doctor--only after having first afforded to see ANYONE with a medical degree. i might just have to wait almost a decade and treat myself. hopefully i will not have hanged myself or killed anyone by then.

speaking of hanging myself:

today has been awful. i don't know why. yesterday, i didn't muse on anything depressing for long. but, i also went outside for at least a second and actually saw the sun. today i have not left my nightgown and robe. only just recently took off my had rag. been reading Anne Rice's Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt and am loving it immensely. it's not affecting me religiously. it's shocking me really because of the restraint. she is definitely brave for attempting to write a biography of Christ. but back to my hanging.. my family has instilled in me and practices the idea of forgiveness of the unconditional variety. they embrace me and urge me to do so with people, a few people in particular if youk now anything about me, and blah blah blah. but if they can forgive so readily even when it still hurts, even when it doesn't seem to do any good, even seems to hurt a little bit more just to forgive.. why can't i forgive myself?

i'm not done. i'll be back on the same subject soon. maybe after my lab tomorrow.