why? and some answers.

just some sadly amusing self-refection for me while i'm PMSing:

• why am i having two periods this month? switching from Yaz to the Ring [and then back again] is killing my iron supply. i'm just going to wear a diaper everyday just in case. at least there aren't any babies. my puppy is way too much.
  

• why is Andy such an attractive smartass? my facebook feed alerted me that Andy and one of my exes were friends days ago, along with other completely need-to-know news. Larry requested to be friends and Andy accepted to be an arrogant asshole.. just because the both of them call themselves musicians of some kind doesn't mean that Andy is "friends" with him. but facebook encourages this sort of interaction. i've got tons of  "friends" myself. and i love Andy--even his bad jokes. [have you read our proposal story?]
  

• should i have a joint bank account with my fiancé? because we're going to share the same expenses in January, does it mean that everything should be AndyandCheniece? what about our lease? this is so excitingly overwhelming. either way, me and my mother and my aunt and my grandmother [and..] are going to do most of the decorating in me and Andy's place. oh, yeah!
  

• why am i sick again? i have had a ton of illnesses recently [it's currently stomach flu] because my immune system is as strong as my weight--but the swine flu has not been one of them. ironic. 

• why does my mother refuse to love me?! i'm sick and i just asked her to turn the heat on, and she told me no..  :-(
  

• why am i never satisfied with my blog's layout? someone point me in the direction of some resources for template styling.

---------------------------------------------------
and i know that i've been dead to the blogger world for a while; i've been busy. this post was completely an excercise for my PMSing. i'll get back up to commenting soon! ciao till tomorrow!

crossing my fingers..

i think that i just found a new home for myself and the mister. not too excited about the $300 pet deposit though. thanks, Yaya, you awful, awful [but amazingly adorable] puppy.

it's a nice gated community, the rentals are old but newly renovated, which means that i get to have all of that old-fashioned space all fixed up with practical rent expense. it's clean. it's not "in the hood." Andy wouldn't have to worry about leaving me there some nights when he has practice. the neighbors are not shady, out-of-control characters. it's not an eyesore [actually quite attractive]. i'm excited, but it's just a possibility now. i'm in no rush to move out again.


my birthday was so special. Andy's family loaded me with presents and cake, even a singing candle. part of my gifts were the first season to FX's Sons of Anarchy [oh yeah!] and matching Snuggees for me and my puppy! i even got a new Placebo albumn that i've never heard of. it sounds divine, of course.

i need to eat--i can feel my blood sugar dropping :-( i've been quitting all of the yucky antidepressants that i've been taking. that mixture of chemicals was hardly effective AND i had awful side effects [nightmares, nausea, no libido, ahhh!]. my treatment is now going in a completely organic route. multivitamin everyday, St. John's Wort regulary, soon some Maca powder and sulfur supplents, Ginko perhaps, and some Rhodiola rosea. it's already been working wonders and saving me A LOT of money. i feel like i've got my own apothecary going on!..

but yeah, getting back to locating some food!

my Bday is soon.

some advice from a friend to follow on that special day:

"Sunday 11th October:
Hang a canopy over your bed & have dedicated You time beneath it every Sunday. Tea, biscuits & a good book should be part of the regime!"

wish that i could do this now, but NO!.. somebody has to be a student and wake up before noon and shower and be a contributing member of society tomorrow! i want to kill kittens and slap my puppy in the mouth and throw my Nuvaring at the mailwoman and eat myself into a coma and sleep for twelve hours in my pajamas with the feet in them. i HATE my Lady Days and today, i hate YOU unless you leave me an inspiring comment or some chocolate. sorry, sorry. : ( someone come and take care of me today!
------------------
edit: i really don't hate anyone. i just hate this rainy weather and how some parts of the month make me feel.

i can help you: EFT

i can help you heal yourself using only one of your hands! really. and it's not even masturbation-related.

the cause of all negative emotion is caused by a disruption of the body's energy systems.

hmm. by accessing the body's energy meridian endpoints, one can self-administer treatment and correct this disruption--kind of like toying with the antennae on my television when the picture is full of static.

whatever? nope. EFT is real. it's founded by a doctor as an alternative form of treatment for all sorts of conditions: depression, weight loss, PTSD, war memories, phobias, and EVERYTHING. it's like acupuncture without the needles. it seems a bit unorthodox, because i'm only familiar with Western medicine, but Asian cultures have been using this subtle, but powerful form of treatment for ages! what's stopping everyone else?

so with Emotional Freedom Technique, veterans of war have been cured of their stress disorders, clinically depressed people have learned to cope naturally when years of meds and therapy have failed, and folks with severe aquaphobia now enjoy beach trips for the swimming? YES! 

"Some day the medical profession will wake up and realize that unresolved emotional issues are the main cause of 85% of all illnesses. When they do, EFT will be one of their primary healing tools .... as it is for me."

- Eric Robins, MD 

it's really simple: all you need is your hand. say an affirmation and follow with a sequence of tapping on various energy endpoints [which are close to the body's surface] and one can witness profound mental AND physical healings immediately. and according to the writer of the official manual, you don't even need to believe that it's working for results to occur!

so call me crazy. "crazy!" and i agree that tapping on my chin, my hand, etc. looks silly and that something as subtle as touch can physically heal people with severe problems seems unrealistic. BUT, i've been trying it regularly now at the urging of a friend and the science has loads of affirmative case studies as proof. there was nothing to lose and in my experience, i've been feeling even more peachy when one of my emotions or problems get to me deeply on rare occasions: anger, fear, insomnia, feeling overwhelmed and tired on Monday mornings.

want to try it? go to the official website, download the 80 page manual, watch the videos, teach yourself and study the science, do your research... there's nothing to lose. you can tap about anything. and who knows?.. you could really be doing something nothing short of amazing for improving your already royal life! if you have success [or any type of experience for that matter] i'd love to hear about it! please drop me a line!

for the impatient who would rather just dive right in, here is another link to tempt you: EFT on a Page. good luck.
-------------------------------------------------
and PS--i got hired today!!! thanks to my fiance's sister [my sister now too], i've got a new job downtown! i've just finished with my RCIA meeting [to help in my decision to convert to Catholicism], and my hair is full of beautiful curls. today has been SO peachy!

ciao.

laughing at engagement club and lungs.

this is a repost from a failure of a time that i let myself have in the past. i'm giving it new light and laughing at it now because it's very and fabulously relevant!

1. The first rule of Engagement club is: you do not talk about Engagement Club.
2. The second rule of engagement club is: you DO NOT talk about Engagement Club.
3. If a fiancé(e) says "stop," goes limp, taps out, the engagement is over.
4. Only two really hopeful people to an engagement.
5. One engagement at a time.
6. No wedding band, yet no looking back, ether.
7. Engagements will go on as long as they have to [even years].
8. If this is your first night at Engagement Club, you have to make a bigger deal out of it than is necessary.

haha!

this is SO funny. the wedding bells are still chiming in my ear, but i have to remember to step back and not take things so dreadfully serious. no one makes it out alive, but i'm going to be rocking my ring and smiling anyway. if you're not enjoying your time, it's wasted!

just found out that my little brother has a condition where a lobe of his lung is collapsed. it's scary and upsetting, but it corrects itself. he better NOT be trying to die because i always said that it would be me to kill him! biology is SO scary, which is probably why i'm studying it--to conquer it in a way. he'll be fine now that we know what's wrong and that it naturally corrects itself.

even i have difficulties keeping on the sunny side, especially considering this circumstances. i'm smiling tonight. wish me more smiles for my gorgeous face and my family. i wish that i wasn't so bleh feeling and that i could pour out some internet love and hugs to everyone. let's all just take a deep breath and do something productive and wonderful with our days tomorrow.. get up a little earlier than you do normally. work out for thirty minutes. actually do some house work! kiss your mother and little brothers for me. create a fabulous routine to carry yourself through this semester. make some goals, enter them into a cool graphics program and decorate it and frame it over your desk. live more green and healthy. change your hair like one of my lovely blogger friends has just done ;) splurge on Guitar Hero World Tour like my fiance has done and rock out for your friends.

dreading school? GET OVER IT. or just play some Prince and dance around until everything [even horrible classes] is water under your bridge.

i'm off! computer kisses and genuine affection to you dolls.
ciao.

watching Maury GMH.

GMH (Gives Me Hope)--like FML, but for optimists! found this while rooting around on the gURL message boards.

"My dad owns a small business that isnt doing so well right now. Hes known the other employees for a very long time. He always makes sure that they get paid, even when he doesnt. He doesnt tell them, but he takes money out of his savings for them. He GMH."
Comments on #6919 (8) - Jul 29, 2009 03:21 PM by rachel1412

i don't think that any further commentary from me is needed.

and:

“The crisis of yesterday is the joke of tomorrow." -- H. G. Wells from here

thank Goodness, right? i love getting the internet on my LG Vu. it makes insomnia productive. if this didn't pull at the corners of your mouth or warm your spirit, then you're Reptilian or sociopath.

i'm still puppysitting my baby. i've become a fan of Resistance 2 on PS3. Andy will be home at the end of this week because he's a rockstar. i'm up and smiling, so everything else is just water under the bridge.

FYI, daytime television is a quick way to feel better about your life. how many paternity tests have you had to have?

ciao. need my coffee and multivitamins. no workout today!

advices and purple toes.

i've been the receiver of some comforting words of wisdom in my day. my stone-faced dad isn't the most verbal type, but here's what he had to say to me one day:

"you can't worry about tomorrow until it gets here. you can only deal with today."

woah, right? i think that this is is similar to a Bible verse for any who might have an idea of what i'm referencing. tomorrow will bring enough troubles of its  own, and such. really powerful, if you think about it when you feel overwhelmed and anxious like i do often.

and here is what i've gotten in the habbit of reminding myself:
"acknowledge all of the little wins in life, because the big fails will always bring their own share of  negative attention from your mother, Trustmark Bank, your gynecologist, etc."

valuable stuff right? i thought so.
also, look at this little jewel that i found while riding in the backseat of my own car!..

 

Artmatic Pearly Grape nail polish! i got it in a shopping bag full of loot from a thrift store a while back. gonna be an artful change from my midnight blue and sparkly toenails. i'm going to have fun with this right now! or at least right after i finish puppysitting my new baby. that's right--me and Andy have a new addition!... she's got four legs, a tail, and floppy ears. Queenie Bella, i'm thinking. 

alright, have fun with yourselves and make your life an adventure!

ciao and crazy love,

cherry.

why beat oneself up?

“We tend to beat ourselves up, but it’s necessary to let ourselves off the hook,” 

says Ed Diener, PhD, professor of psychology and leading happiness researcher at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. 

“Inevitably, you’re going to make mistakes, and yet you still have to like yourself.”

------------------

and i DO! i had to make every mistake that i ever made in my life to be here, so in a way, it was nourishing. 

church in the morning. i want to wear red lipstick and non-prescription glasses. not beating myself up anymore. my brothers will do that. gotta engagement party and a wedding to let the experienced women in my family plan.

ciao. 

 

this is a candid picture of me looking very awful one day. count me being caught looking like this as one of my larger "mistakes!"

Weekly Resolutions

bleh--i started on a tuesday, but here goes:

• Pilates - at least three times a week, do a 30 minute pilates workout in the mornings. i pretty much do this already, but slacking off is still a possibility. gotta get my abs back and stop my booty from moving on its on.
  
• Multivitamins - take them everyday, duh. they taste like oranges; it'll be easy.
  
• Moods - don't be so impulsive and emotional.. take a deep breath and wait 10 seconds before reacting or entertaining an idea again. this is impossible difficult to manage while being menstrual AND on the pill, but get into practice.
• Generosity - do nice things more often--like let these little ones root around in my makeup because it's painless, makes them very happy, and makes for cute pictures! everyone should have something to smile about each day. just look at my adorable little best friends.
  

i have so many pictures of Andy's nieces and me on FBook that someone asked if these kids were mine. hah! i didn't think that i could birth little blue-eyed blonde ones.. goober.