.

i just left my car blasting a Danzig song--the perfect one, i will add--and i'm so full of thoughts from fresh experiences that i could scream again.

so i've unfortunately come to terms that i don't have a best friend anymore and that i my exes are not my friends over and over again at each painful encounter, intimate or not. and it's embarrassing to feel physically pushed away instead of just rejected. it's embarrassing to have to live such base rejection. it's maddeningly anger-inducing to not ever be on the side that's protecting itself, being selfish, pushing someone away from their car door so that they can leave, saying "Goodbye" in a shitty tone.

and then i'm pissed at her and i'm so fucking angry at him [angry atm e for letting him] that i'm blasting the radio and actually driving the speed limit away and Danzing's "Mother" drills itself in my head..

i don't wanna find Hell with anyone else but myself. he is not my Scarecrow God, and she is no gift. i am [cliché, but absolutely true] my own best thing and i'm the shit. i don't need to hang off of anyone else's power and allure for my own. i possess it already and i should recognize that.