i fucking hate egocentricism.

i was in Fondren today at the coffee house and everything looked sickeningly uniform for such a funky part of town. everyone had the same bumper stickers. every girl had the same haircut and dress. every guy had the same box of cigarettes and ordered the same flavor if iced tea. i was there looking to the left at the skate shop where this celebrity fella used to worked and still hangs out at hoping that he'd pop out from behind the bushes. the same guy who treated me like a groupie because i basically gave him the go-ahead. the guy with the [ugly] girlfriend. makes me sick to my stomach after he did what it is that he did to me. looked to the right and was expecting my ex to show up like he said that he would just to shoot the breeze with a familiar person. none of the cars passing down the street were his. i puffed at my cigarettes and felt more lonely than i had in a long time.

in more details, the celebrity guy that i was almost certain was gonna come to his senses and sense my girlfriend potential and make it official for me txted--for a booty call. exciting? yeah. i even drove to his house and he doesn't care about how my photo shoot went. even larry asked me how it went and how much i was paid. the celebrity guy just asked me what i was doing later with every intent on cheating on his girlfriend with me--AGAIN. i said something that was no way involved with him, the movie theatre. not some dumb hotel party tonight and he asked me to get back at him later. i said "Maybe" with a smile, but i still said maybe with all the intentions of "No." hope he got it. i won't be taking any more of his games, won't be going over his fabulous space for anime and nookie after midnight. it's just so funny how we were potentially REALLY good mates, beautiful i'd even venture to say. and now i have to deal with what he did to me for the rest of my life and wonder if i'll ever find some beautiful guy that doesn't leave me wanting for anything.

kind of a depressing topic when alone at the coffee house with nothing but a raspberry tea and Marlboro Lights for company.