gaining peace and room to really live.

i feel really humble today. i got a phone call from an unexpected person who isn't on my best buddy list, if you know what i mean. i wasn't too short and bitchy to them because i kept checking my outlook. hm, i guess that i should say that i was pleasant. just because he isn't larry or a sexy single guy with beautiful eyes doesn't mean that i have to treat him like is a complete waste of my time, even if in one of my depressed moods, i can feel like he is.

and just now, i just had a friendly facade of a conversation with a gorgeous boy who rejected me back in CollegeTown. he makes it even worse by always calling me "dear" and "babe" with that worthy, pretty mouth of his.. ahem. and i don't feel anxious for him to see me being desperate, to see me trying to be extra awesome to get his attention. hell, it was a two-minute facebook messenger convo because if he really wanted to talk to me, he will find a way for it to happen. remember percy sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman" dimmed down for college romances/massacres.

and even if i cussed larry out over txt message yesterday and was on the verge of insulting his bald-headed mother [hee hee], i wish him the best today, even when it means that he will be giving some other girl everything that i ever wanted from him. i'm not going to swell on why she gets to have the best parts of him while i had to fight tooth and nail for its sick shaddow. i'm not even going to entertain why my dad, along with countless others, gets to march around fancy-free and footloose while a single mother somewhere has to pick up their slack.

besides having the possibility of always being worse, i don't feel like giving myself such a dose of anxiety. all it does is eat my sanity away and twist my guts. not going to sacrifice my well-being for someone who isn't worth it. he may never know that he is worthless, but i do. and i'm taking the knowledge and moving someplace with it.

and hopefully y'all will see me out there a smile on my face, happy with what i have--and you'll be jealous!