me, meds, and mondays.
i'm not ashamed to say that i need to take antidepressants to keep myself going on.
wait. that sounds waaay too dramatic.
fact is, that i can get on without them. that is to say, i wouldn't die, or go so crazy that i'd do myself in or hang a baby out of a window..
it's just that depression is a condition. it's hereditary for me. i believe also that it's part environmental, which leaves room for my own transcendence and self-treatment. i believe that eventually, i can get to a state of existence in which mood-modifying prescription medicine becomes quite useless, like art. but right now, i don't mind stating that i catch myself dragging my feet on some monday mornings, downing a thermos of black coffee, wearing sparkly black eyeliner like a raccoon to hide signs of unwellness, and remember that i forgot my meds, as tacky as it is to broadcast to readers that i've been diagnosed with severe clinical depression since i was twelve years old.
i also drink out of the soda bottles in the refrigerator without first pouring myself a glass. i just put my mouth directly on the bottle and put it back when i'm done. but then again, i pretty much live alone. i don't keep my legs perfectly shaven. i pick at my teeth in public..
i know that i'm not the only one with bad habits and behavior to be less-than-proud about. and yes, you have my permission and encouragement to comment away. how about you? i ask.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
on the other hand [i have different fingers] and i must say that tomorrow is going to be filled with me, my best friend, and all of our fabulous crew for a night of birthday celebrations--not at my apartment but nearby. i have to make a store run to buy wine glasses, balloons, and a cocktail dress that matches my pumps--or pumps that match one of my cocktail dresses! i love fancy house parties. think: cigarette extenders, champagne, and jazz music. right up until we're all a little too, excuse my frankness, DRUNK and we're laughing and dancing to Quiet Riot and Queen.
and i leave you with a song by one of my FAVORITE bands. Placebo's hit titled, appropriately enough, "Meds." good song, divine album. great mood music for heading out downtown.
Labels: depression, friends, hard stuff, night life, quirkiness, the good
8 Comments:
Gosh, I do a lot of weird things... during sports I always pick my fingernails when I'm not intensely involved in the game and I can't leave a hangnail hanging so that sometimes throws me off.
I crack all of my knuckles, my neck, my back, my jaw, etc., ALL the time, and it drives everyone around me crazy. I hate shaving my legs. I must pop any pimple I discover immediately. I awkwardly put my hands on my hips when I'm standing around having casual conversations.
The list goes on and on and on and on... (streetlights, people, up and down the boulevard...) Okay, enough Journey.
I have a lot of bad habits. I'm an emotional eater so I eat when I'm sad. I really deserve to be fat, but I'm thanking my fast metabolism for my figure :P
Another bad habit of mine is being super flirtatious with guys. I have a boyfriend, by the way. @_@
I like that song :) And happy soon-to-be b-day!
My bad habits...I always have to play with my hair. I pull down my shirt every 2 minutes (not in a show-off-my-boobs way, I just have OCD about it riding up) and probably a million other things that other people are very annoyed by and I don't even notice.
Yay jazz music! I love jazz music! Have fun.
Nice song, Placebo is one of my favorites also :] Hmm bad habits..lets see:
I bite my nails all the time, and my mom thinks it's disgusting lol
I bite my lip a lot, sometimes so much that it will bleed a little.
Sometimes I talk to the tv when a movie is on and it really annoys my sister >.<
I probably have a billion more haha
Ah, it's not so much bad habit as it is OCDness-- like not being able to eat skittles unless their in a certain color odor, or jacket zippers have to be facing a certain way, and I have to put everything in a CERTAIN place or I freak out.
as for anti depressants, don't waste your time unless your absolutely sure you need them. I spent 2 years on them and all I got was a messed up liver, and inconsistent emotions.
A bad habit of mine is definitely hunting for split ends in my hair. IT'S SO ADDICTING!
I'm pretty sure we all have weird/ bad habits, but I believe that's part of what makes us who we are. who would even want to strive for perfect, that's my question. I talk too loud when I get angry or excited. I have horrible mood swings where I can go from happy to sad faster than a car can go from 0 to 60. I get annoyed when I have to laundry, and I also hate shaving my legs. I'm an extremely defensive driver, and I also tend to swear/ yell at people when they make even simple traffic mistakes. I'm always awkward in any type of social situation. I walk with my head down, staring at the ground just to avoid eye contact with people I don't know.. I could keep going all day. I'd imagine that people get annoyed with me a lot, but you just have to keep saying "that's me and I love it."
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