perhaps it's because i have a full stomach, or made out with a very hot old man, or am at some place very comfortably situated in between, but i feel the need to make a promising blog post. i've been undoubtedly struggling with loving myself in the ares that it counts; i mean, that's an ongoing battle for me. all it takes is an episode of Sex and the City [which i'm watching right now and do i remind you of carrie?] or an old picture from my facebook that keeps shining its link on every page that i gaze at to send me to some dark unhappy place comparable to my armpits after a frat party or three.

but i haven't been there all day today, thank goodness or would have likely "done surgery to my arm" there are so many other things to go that route for, which i don't condone, by the way.

so what am i trying to say, precisely? i'm not sure. i'm being distracted by carrie and aiden's romance which gives me hope for another one of my own. poo, the show is going off so, now i have to finish. my mind is just being sublimed right now and i don't mean by the band, although that would be nice. i don't have my "Jay." i probably never will again. larry failed at the simplest of things which made the biggest difference regarding my happiness. he'll be happy with another girl, no problem. Jay's gonna make some girl awfully happy before he dies in combat, which i hope never happens. i'm going to be happy again with some great guy. that's probably whi it's taking so long, because there is no way i'm settling for something mediocre and only the most phenomenal of men will do for me. that's just fine by me. if i have to wait in order to really be happy, i mean: no pot heads, no half-assed, not the dispasisonate, someone strong.. then i don't have a problem.

in the meantime, i'll be loving myself and masturbating when necessary.