the now ex-fiancé.

is there something wrong with me? am i just not a good enough person to deserve to be treated with any amount of respect? am i really such a low, base cheater with no hope for redemption? are my mistakes supposed to follow me and make it okay for me to settle for abuse?

yeah, i fucking broke up with my now ex-fiancé. whatthefuck. it's been about three years of me being in love with this man and look what i have to show for it. a bunch of frustration and confusion, the ever-present teenage angst. i for one need to grow the fuck up. i can come to terms with my mistakes: i've cheated on him in the past. i have a flirtatious nature. i can't keep the boys away from me [only because they know a good woman when they see her]. but if you are willing to stay in the relationship with me, you need to trust me and get over it while we work to improve the future, or leave me alone. the same goes for myself. if i can't get over the fact that my emotions were constantly being neglected, that i was being disrespected so perpetually that i for got what decency felt like, then i need to move the fuck on. the time is come for me to assume the role of a worthwhile woman who deserves respect and who makes any man believe that there ARE consequences for doing me wrong.

don't stay someplace that doesn't feel right. this was such a learning phase. i've tasted love and i know what i can take. i know what type of person i am and who i would like to be and i also know what type of person that i deserve and how to move away from bad situations, such as this one. there is always room for redemption. i deserve a good man who respects me on a regular basis and the man who i am with deserves me to be the best woman that i can be and also for me to have the desire to reciprocate the respect. that just wasn't the case this time.