in the meantime.

everyday, i have a new self. i can never learn me.

seriously though. i just left a counseling appointment during which i was asked how often i felt like killing myself. the counselor doesn't even ask me if i have such symptoms anymore, just knows that i do and asks me to elaborate from last week.

i didn't cry this time. didn't feel a need to. maybe that was because i was thinking about a certain hook up--a sloppy massacre of time. i went to the gallows that night and almost threw up picking up the used condoms the next morning. smelled of vomit masked with Victoria's Secret and a bad time. i get so sick of crawling through the sewers.

thinking about love, or looking at the stars maybe, but then again, who isn't? constantly perplexed and do some of us even love ourselves? it's so difficult being hopeful about something as anomalous.

i don't know. my mood is really indeterminate currently. i know of a pretty boy to look at in the meantime. until there is another massacre of actions, i'll be trying to make a fucking fairytale out of shit.