dillema.

angry, black, nonsensical woman
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antonio is a Nazi. i don't like the way he puts his hands on me. i promise i'm not just making excuses to make it easier to choose between him and larry. larry sucks, too, i assure you. he's not as crazy about me as antonio is. i feel like a rebound decision for him. he's going nowhere in life. both of them are pieces of shit and i love them both the same.

this is so effing confusing.

it's easier for me to be with larry because he lives in jackson and has a car. antonio is the marrying-type, though, [not a gypsy like larry] which is great because i hate games :) why can't one of them [pardon my french] fuck up really badly, so i'll know what to do? c'mon! one of you hit me, or something! this is such a cruel joke.

i love larry's slurred speech and dazed look. i love antonio's desire for me and his intensity. if both boys were combined, i'd marry that guy. mais, life don't work that way. someone please answer me, WHY IN THE HELL COULDN'T LARRY HAVE BEEN SMART AND ACCEPTED ME ABOUT A YEAR AGO? it all goes back to my feeling like a rebound decision, which i really do. his intentions seem a little less than romantic, don't you think? or maybe i'm wrong....

this is SO cruel!
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mon Dieu! i know i don't usually type like this. i am seriously torn, however. GET USED TO IT or fuck off.