i'm missing that completion that comes with a spotless childhood where a daddy calls his girl baby and can't hide is pride in her. i just wanted him to come to my graduation, perhaps, or just one of my many dance concerts. it would be so simple to blame my vices on the structure of my family, but that'd also be weak.

i didn't ever light up a cigarette because i was thinking about daddy.
i didn't ever cling to worthless men, because daddy wasn't there.
anytime that i come up short is not daddy's irresponsibly depressing me.

in fact, the reason that i am so depressed right now is because life's nature tends to force urges of giving up onto one. i'm not giving up, though. the sad truth is that i am so strong: i don't need my father to... whatever.