another first.

notice the oxymoronic title? well you should have, and if you are going to be a reader of my journal, you are going to have read me meticulously. i am probably typing to myself right now, as i have no 'friends' and will not have any until i decide to add them. B.C. is the only one i can think of. i am such a lonely soul.

loneliness is no fun, especially on the eve of such a romantic holiday. i hate Valentine's Day for that reason. how dare the calendars mock my loneliness! i can't even be lonely in peace... which would make me not lonely... but, whatever. you get it. whoever you are.

this is my vanity speaking, but i am too attractive to be single. or maybe i am sadly mistaken. or maybe looks do not matter. or maybe i am typing in circles [and efficiently over my point]. the fact is, i am terribly alone, and that is the one thing that i hate to be.

i wish with all of my heart that tomorrow will not bring me more sadness. mon dieu, i want larry. he's probably out shopping for his girl, right now, the girl who should be me. like the stark title of the theatrical performance i saw last night--Love Hurts. in the back of my mind, i see him able to do the things for me i have always desired [like roses and candy tomorrow], but Life is pulling in the opposite direction.

i wish She had just pulled, and pulled, and pulled so that i had never met him. broken hearts are too heavy, and i have had more than i can bear this past week, or so.

maybe i should just fall... and lie down.